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33 Inadvertently Offensive and/or Terrifying Toys

Would somebody please think of the children?!

33 Inadvertently Offensive and/or Terrifying Toys

December 08, 2023

In a world where pumping out product is paramount, the suits in the toy development game are some of the best in the biz. Oh, Breaking Bad is crazy popular right now?! Quick, let’s make a Walter White action figure with a gun and a little baggie of meth! A 1978 horror movie called The Car is coming out? Let’s make a kids game where the loser gets run over by Satan! Cue the recalls, baby!

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33

CRACKED G COM YOU CAN GO HIKING WITH KARL MARX AND HIS FRIENDS! MOUNTAIN RESEARCH Japanese toy maker Mountain Research released a foursome of surveyors modeled after Karl Marx, Vladimir Lenin, Mao Zedong, and Henry David Thoreau. There's no indication as to why two Communist dictators, the philosopher who inspired them, and an unrelated poet guy are hiking mountain trails. — Source

32

CRACKED.COM BRATZ BABYZ SHOW YOU'RE NEVER TOO YOUNG TO BE A MINX. - in These dolls went through the whole process of being conceived, designed, pitched, approved, manufactured, and distributed, and apparently no one along the line thought of saying, You know, maybe we really shouldn't sexualize babies. — Source

31

CRACKED.COM IT TOOK DEAD CHILDREN TO BAN LAWN DARTS. Contains 4 JAVELIN DARTS 2 TARGET CIRCLES HASBRO JAVELIN DARTS If you're going, What the hell were they thinking to sell huge flying metal spikes to play with, S you're not alone. The U.S. banned them for good in the late '80s-but only after they had caused thousands of injuries (and a few deaths) over three decades. — Source

30

CRACKED Likeness rights caused issues with a 1985 line of Ghostbusters action figures designed in Japan, which is probably for the best, as their facial designs were the stuff of nightmares. — Source

29

CRACKED 1999's Jurassic Park Chaos Effect Night Hunter series was a desperate attempt to keep an ailing line going with glow-in-the-dark paint slapped on existing designs. The plug was pulled before they went into production and everyone decided to try harder. — Source

28

CRACKED Fearless Photog In 1985, Mattel held a contest for kids to design a Masters of the Universe character. The winner, Nathan Bitner, designed Fearless Photog, with a camera for a head. Mattel never made the character, but (mostly) put Bitner through college. — Source

27

CRACKED In 1992, Mattel attempted to cherry-pick elements of Wonder Woman, Barbie and My Little Pony to come up with Wonder Woman and the Star Riders, a unicorn-heavy, Barbie-scale, girls only like horses and dresses line that was canceled before production. — Source

26

CRACKED During the 1990s Trolls craze, a series was pitched combining them with horror movie icons. While most were pleasant enough, the one combining a troll with H.R. Giger's Alien design was fucking terrifying, and the series never reached shelves. — Source

25

1. REMOVE THE PLUG FROM BATMAN'S BUTT. 2. FILL WITH WATER. 3. PUMP HIS TRIGGER. 4. SQUIRT YOUR FRIENDS! GRAGKED.COM http://herocomplex latimes com/uncafegonzed/ top-10-vintage-batman-toys-far-your-inner-boy-wonder/ — Source

24

GO TO THIRD BASE AND BEYOND. WITH THIS BUZZ LIGHTYEAR FUNTIME TUMBLeR! Commune A NO OR BPA - 430g - - The version that's currently available for sale has the straw on the other side, but reviewers confirm that with a firm twist, you can enjoy Buzz as pictured. CRACKED.COM http://www. amazon.com/Zak-Designs-Lightyear-Funtime-Tumbler/dp/B004B5B26G — Source

23

Lucky Dora the Explorer fans could buy this limited edition Aquapet in 2006. Aquapets are similar to Tamagotchis, with buttons for interacting with a virtual pet floating in a tube full of water. They vibrate, sing, and respond to sound. CRACKED.COM http://www.ubergizmo.com/2006/11/dora-aquapet-hits-amazon/ — Source

22

THESE 1977 WONDER WOMAN SCISSORS SEEM CONFUSED ABOUT HOW CROTCHES WORK. She also seems to have an extra boob. CRACKED.COM http://www.amazon com/Vintage-Wonder-Woman-Childrens-Scissors/dp/B004J1BUSC — Source

21

THIS CANDY TREAT LETS YOU FRENCH-KISS JAR JAR BINKS. doo I JANES Binks JUI ART adidas COMM I PISODE WARS STAR dom I ORIGINAL We're assuming it tastes like thinly-veiled racism. CRACKED.COM — Source

20

ARCHIE BUNKER'S GRANDSON IS A BABY DOLL WITH A PENIS. The toy was released during the heyday of All in ARCHIE BUNKER'S the Family, a '70s sitcom GRANDSON centered around a JOEY STIVIC blue-collar bigot. DHS A WTT DOLLIS A PHYSICALLY CORRECT IDEAL MALE The commercial makes a point of calling the doll a physically correct boy. Twice. CRACKED.COM https://youtu.be/Eq qYTUjRNjH4 — Source

19

THE MISSILES LAUNCHED BY THIS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA TOY ACTUALLY PROVED DEADLY TO KIDS. The launcher caused ripped intestines, eye injuries, and one death when a missile lodged in a child's esophagus. They were recalled in 1979. SCARAB CRACKED.COM http://resources.lawinfo.com/personal-injury/products-liability/ — Source

18

CRACKED There are action figures for every obscure-ass Star Wars character, but around 1985 they ran out. New characters were prototyped in a continuing story, including an alien tribe with the offensive-sounding name Mongo Beefheads. — Source

17

CRACKED ATI A series of DC figures known as Anti-Heroes NNF was pitched with Mad Max-esque and robotic versions of Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman, all of whom looked like they belonged in a Berlin sex dungeon. Superman had a tattoo. BUT HOW? — Source

16

CRACKED KS! Feed Me My mouth really moves! HST 1996's Cabbage Patch Snacktime Kids did make it to shelves, but not for long - their gimmick was that you could feed them through their battery-powered jaws, but inevitably kids got their hair and fingers stuck, leading to a mass recall. — Source

15

CRACKED megonnseum.com PETER GENE FL ACE KISS PAUL Mego made a 12-inch line based on the band KISS. Among the kits they proposed for it was a tent and sleeping bag set - you know, so the long-tongued fire-breathing gang could have a wholesome weekend outdoors. — Source

14

CRACKED CAR STOP STOP KC GA KM THE CAR PL The 1978 horror movie The Car - not at the top of James Brolin's resume by any stretch - spawned a game that never made it, in which players competed not to get run over by Satan. — Source

13

FUN WITH STICKS FUN with AGES 81014 crafts by whiting M - STICKS 2 EXCITING PROJECTS Here are two wonderful projects! A cute little dog house, and picnic table and bench set. Complete mate- rials include pre-cut cardboard sticks, adhesive, and easy to follow instruc- tions CRACKED.COM UNASSEMBLED Throw 'em. Chew 'em. Stick 'em in your eye. — Source

12

JACKIE GLEASON BUS DRIVER'S OUTFIT m-m-m what Boy a toy! Jackie Gleason BUS DRIVER'S OUTFIT - in TV - IL Brow - - ... - CRACKED.COM Make change! Switch lanes without warning! Pull away from old women running in the rain! — Source

11

LAVERNE & SHIRLEY SECRETARY SET GAITION to - - - I man 12 kg 79e HARRONY - You Laverno TV SERIES Shirley TM secretary set - 12345678 ANIZEEEE for CRACKED.COM 1/11/11 - - - AA UNE PERFORM - NOLLOS NY THAT MADE - NONG KONG Laverne and Shirley worked at a brewery, which would have made an infinitely more fun play set. — Source

10

LUSCIOUS LIMBS Luscious Limbs Foad on FINES - with delicious parta of the Avely KAY A LIVELY LUNCH OF LIMITS Noorkieg! your rising with water mold and اليوم CRACKED.COM - Ever wanted to gnaw off your own foot? Now you can! — Source

9

MY PUPPY PUDDLES ROMPER ROOM My Puppy PUDDLES Squeeze PUDDLES' collar & make him drink his water. Sit him on his training troy. My Puppy PUDDLES only puddles where he oughtal CRACKED.COM My Puppy PUDDLES only puddles in his training trou. Ranked number one among toys with bladder infections. — Source

8

PINKY LEE MEDICINE CHEST BAND-AD - - IVORY. Pinky Lee TOY medicine CHORAGNED.COM THE GOOD HABIT TOY Learn Pinky Lee's secret shames, then refill all the good prescriptions. — Source

7

THE SNOOPY G PLUCE SOKY AM AAA THE ORIGINAL Snoopy SNO-CONE Sno-cone Machine MACHINE MAKE A SNOOPY TASTY TREAT CONTAINS A WITH ICE CUBES & FLAVOR PACK! LOOSE BRASS RIVET WARNING: CHOCKNG - NET WT 50 OZ (4.77g) THAT CAN CAUTION 400 NCOM HAPPINE them - - DROP INTO THE SNOW CONES. It's been recalled. GRACKED.COM http://www toysnusinc com/safety/recalls/snoopy-sno-cone-machine/ — Source

6

THE PUNISHER SHAPE- SHIFTER IS so GLAD TO SEE YOU. In the interest of full disclosure, we should note that he's pictured mid-transformation, at left. He's actually meant to shoot darts out of his ass. CRACKED.COM http://www.collector-actionfigures com/dash/universe/catalog_item/AF-382048/ — Source

5

33 Inadvertently Offensive and/or Terrifying Toys — Source

4

33 Inadvertently Offensive and/or Terrifying Toys — Source

3

THIS IS THE HARRY POTTER NIMBUS 2000 VIBRATING BROOM. Sadly, they're no longer sold. It's a dick- shaped toy that vibrates when children stick it between their legs. (actual photo from Amazon) Actual Amazon review: When my 12 year old daughter asked for this for her birthday, I kind of wondered if she was too old for it, but she seems to LOVE it. Her friends love it too! They play for hours in her bedroom with this great toy. They really seem to like the special effects it offers (the sound effects and vibrating). My oldest daughter (17) really — Source

2

UP MY SKIRT, YOU MUST LOOK, TO SEE YOUR FUTURE. Ages 4 and up No. 69370 STAR THE EMPIRE YODA STRIKES BACK THE JEDI MASTER. WARS Kenner CERTAIN - CANNOT BE HE ANSWERS ALL YOUR Kenner QUESTIONS! - - - - -- - يت It's the Yoda Magic 8-Ball, complete with mangled grammar. We assume the most-asked question is why? CRACKED.COM http://www.dallasvintagetoys.com/1981kennerstarwarsesbyodamagic8balfortunetellerwbox.aspx — Source

1

PARENTS RECENTLY PETITIONED TOYS R US TO PULL THE BREAKING BAD ACTION FIGURES FROM THEIR SHELVES. WARNING: Ages CHOKING HAZARD The Walter White 15+ MY didas figure comes with a 35 gun, a bag of cash, and Br eaking 56 a baggie full of meth*. Bad TOY FAIR NY 14 EXCLUSIVE Not actual meth. an actual gun or actual cash Walter White Collection Figure Toys R Us no longer sells them. CRACKED.COM — Source

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