28 Abominations Disguised As ‘Toys’
Cue the nation-wide recalls!
![28 Abominations Disguised As ‘Toys’](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/9/5/3/964953_320x180.jpg)
No industry hawks products like the toy industry. Anytime there’s a new movie or the sniff of a possible new trend, they scramble to produce a whole toy line and pump it out in record time. This is where egregious mistakes are made. They’re all go, go, go, and when that boardroom mob mentality strikes, not one of those suits stops to think about the completely useless, highly offensive or even downright deadly mess of plastic they’re spewing out.
![CRACKED.COM JESUS IS TRULY KING OF KITSCH. Who knew Jesus was so kick-ass at such a variety of activities? And the crown of thorns doesn't seem to bother him, either! These figurines are supposed to be wholesome and inspiring, but they ultimately come across as blasphemously tacky instead.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/8/9/2/959892.jpg)
![CRACKED.COM THIS TRICYCLE WAS THE MOST OBVIOUS RECALL EVER. The Disney Princess Plastic Racing Trike brings a fantasy kingdom close to your children. So close, in fact, they risk getting it impaled in their little skulls. One sudden stop is all it takes. To no one's surprise, this murdercycle was recalled in 2011.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/8/9/1/959891.jpg)
![CRACKED COM WHAT'S CUDDLIER THAN A BABY? A PREMATURE BABY! In a misguided attempt at... well, something, Coleco released preemie Cabbage Patch Kids in the 1980s. The preemies were smaller and had less hair that the regular dolls. Not included were the incubator and tubes required to keep real prematures babies alive, as that could have made them less adorable.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/8/9/0/959890.jpg)
![НИ gerfa DON'T DENY IT. 20 Fahrt sun CRACKED COM elen YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO PLAY WITH THE PLAGUES OF EGYPT. on und PLAGUES Berfin Codes, fb befoble áußer ment, de eborgen anbend If anything is ripe to be captured in soft, cuddly animal form, it's surely the Lord's mighty wrath being visited upon Pharaoh and his people. Now your child can enjoy locusts, boils, dead firstborns, and other such fun!](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/8/8/9/959889.jpg)
![CRACKED.COM OREO BARBIE DIDN'T LAST LONG ON THE SHELVES. Oreo Barbie, born in 1997 from a cross-promotional partnership between Mattel and Nabisco, came in both white and black versions. You can tell every person involved was white because nobody knew that MA Oreo is a derogatory OREO term in the African American community for a black person who is ORE white on the inside.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/8/8/8/959888.jpg)
![CRACKED.COM IT'S A STRIPPER POLE! FOR PRETEENS! peekabo Pole Date This toy stripper pole, complete with a garter and money to stuff into it, could be found in 2006 in the British grocery store chain Tesco. They denied the pole was marketed to children, despite the fact that it was exhibited in the - toy section and advertised boo I I as suitable for 11-year-olds.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/8/8/7/959887.jpg)
![Product Recalls CSI Fingerprint Examination Toy Kit The Asbestos Disease Awareness Organization did a study in 2007 and found out that the hit had asbestos in it. That's not something you want anywhere, let alone in a toy for kids, so the kit was recalled. AGES 10+ CSI: ADULT SUPERVISION RECOMMENDED WARNING: CHOKING HAZARD Jomal parts Not for - - 3 yours CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION WARNING: FINGERPRINT - - - e EXAMINATION KIT - - - USE FINGERPRINT BRUSH COLLECT TO GUST EXAMINE, REAL D RECORD PRINTS FINGERPRINTS WITH CHISSON'S CSI TEAM CSI: un nar VAO Done Always F HAND CRIME](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/8/8/6/959886.jpg)
![Product Recalls Sky Dancers In 2000, Galoob Toys Inc. recalled 8.9 million Sky Dancers flying dolls due to reports of 150 injuries, including eye injuries, broken teeth, a mild concussion, a broken rib, and facial lacerations. CRACKED](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/8/8/5/959885.jpg)
![Product Recalls Aqua Dots/ Bindeez Beads A toy called Aqua Dots in the U.S. and Bindeez Beads in Australia was recalled after it was found to be contaminated with a chemical that can turn into a dangerous drug. Three children in Australia had to be hospitalized. THEMED THEMEO NEW NINE CHEMED AHEMID THEMED FIRST POLI QUA DOTS OUA OOTS AQUA DOTS AQUA DOT: AQUA OOTS PACK POOT FAES GING PERMATE CCIAN adidas I I J : I MADICARES MARICALLE ECTE NO LATE - WATE MATERY MAZER Bots KIN WITH I CRAX I I - Class SUIT - DE MEDICAL -](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/8/8/4/959884.jpg)
![Product Recalls Midge doll In 2002, Walmart stopped selling the Mattel Happy Family set, which had a pregnant Midge doll wearing a it's a girl! pink skirt and a removable stomach with a baby inside. Mom loves newbo baby ppy famile Mom & Baby CRACKED](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/8/8/3/959883.jpg)
![FUN WITH STICKS FUN with AGES 81014 crafts by whiting M - STICKS 2 EXCITING PROJECTS Here are two wonderful projects! A cute little dog house, and picnic table and bench set. Complete mate- rials include pre-cut cardboard sticks, adhesive, and easy to follow instruc- tions CRACKED.COM UNASSEMBLED Throw 'em. Chew 'em. Stick 'em in your eye.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/8/8/2/959882.jpg)
![JACKIE GLEASON BUS DRIVER'S OUTFIT m-m-m what Boy a toy! Jackie Gleason BUS DRIVER'S OUTFIT - in TV - IL Brow - - ... - CRACKED.COM Make change! Switch lanes without warning! Pull away from old women running in the rain!](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/8/8/1/959881.jpg)
![KRIMSON TERROR the EDIDUERG line CRACKED.COM KRIMSON TORROR PLANNIC MONSTER CONSTRUCTION KIT The make-your-own monster with the three-handed crotch.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/8/8/0/959880.jpg)
![LAVERNE & SHIRLEY SECRETARY SET GAITION to - - - I man 12 kg 79e HARRONY - You Laverno TV SERIES Shirley TM secretary set - 12345678 ANIZEEEE for CRACKED.COM 1/11/11 - - - AA UNE PERFORM - NOLLOS NY THAT MADE - NONG KONG Laverne and Shirley worked at a brewery, which would have made an infinitely more fun play set.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/8/7/9/959879.jpg)
![LUSCIOUS LIMBS Luscious Limbs Foad on FINES - with delicious parta of the Avely KAY A LIVELY LUNCH OF LIMITS Noorkieg! your rising with water mold and اليوم CRACKED.COM - Ever wanted to gnaw off your own foot? Now you can!](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/8/7/8/959878.jpg)
![MY PUPPY PUDDLES ROMPER ROOM My Puppy PUDDLES Squeeze PUDDLES' collar & make him drink his water. Sit him on his training troy. My Puppy PUDDLES only puddles where he oughtal CRACKED.COM My Puppy PUDDLES only puddles in his training trou. Ranked number one among toys with bladder infections.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/8/7/7/959877.jpg)
![PAT BOONE CUT-OUTS the Pat - Boone - CRACKED.COM CUT-OUTS the - on AK TY Port Amer Doe Vision - - - - - - - Ever wonder what Pat would look like in go-go boots and a push-up bra? Here's your chance.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/8/7/5/959875.jpg)
![PINKY LEE MEDICINE CHEST BAND-AD - - IVORY. Pinky Lee TOY medicine CHORAGNED.COM THE GOOD HABIT TOY Learn Pinky Lee's secret shames, then refill all the good prescriptions.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/8/7/1/959871.jpg)
![GO TO THIRD BASE AND BEYOND. WITH THIS BUZZ LIGHTYEAR FUNTIME TUMBLeR! Commune A NO OR BPA - 430g - - The version that's currently available for sale has the straw on the other side, but reviewers confirm that with a firm twist, you can enjoy Buzz as pictured. CRACKED.COM http://www. amazon.com/Zak-Designs-Lightyear-Funtime-Tumbler/dp/B004B5B26G](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/8/7/6/959876.jpg)
![Lucky Dora the Explorer fans could buy this limited edition Aquapet in 2006. Aquapets are similar to Tamagotchis, with buttons for interacting with a virtual pet floating in a tube full of water. They vibrate, sing, and respond to sound. CRACKED.COM http://www.ubergizmo.com/2006/11/dora-aquapet-hits-amazon/](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/8/7/4/959874.jpg)
![THIS CANDY TREAT LETS YOU FRENCH-KISS JAR JAR BINKS. doo I JANES Binks JUI ART adidas COMM I PISODE WARS STAR dom I ORIGINAL We're assuming it tastes like thinly-veiled racism. CRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/8/7/3/959873.jpg)
![THE MISSILES LAUNCHED BY THIS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA TOY ACTUALLY PROVED DEADLY TO KIDS. The launcher caused ripped intestines, eye injuries, and one death when a missile lodged in a child's esophagus. They were recalled in 1979. SCARAB CRACKED.COM http://resources.lawinfo.com/personal-injury/products-liability/](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/8/7/2/959872.jpg)
![PARENTS RECENTLY PETITIONED TOYS R US TO PULL THE BREAKING BAD ACTION FIGURES FROM THEIR SHELVES. WARNING: Ages CHOKING HAZARD The Walter White 15+ MY didas figure comes with a 35 gun, a bag of cash, and Br eaking 56 a baggie full of meth*. Bad TOY FAIR NY 14 EXCLUSIVE Not actual meth. an actual gun or actual cash Walter White Collection Figure Toys R Us no longer sells them. CRACKED.COM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/8/6/9/959869.jpg)
![THE PUNISHER SHAPE- SHIFTER IS so GLAD TO SEE YOU. In the interest of full disclosure, we should note that he's pictured mid-transformation, at left. He's actually meant to shoot darts out of his ass. CRACKED.COM http://www.collector-actionfigures com/dash/universe/catalog_item/AF-382048/](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/8/6/8/959868.jpg)
![28 Abominations Disguised As ‘Toys’](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/8/7/0/959870.gif)
![28 Abominations Disguised As ‘Toys’](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/8/6/5/959865.gif)
![THIS IS THE HARRY POTTER NIMBUS 2000 VIBRATING BROOM. Sadly, they're no longer sold. It's a dick- shaped toy that vibrates when children stick it between their legs. (actual photo from Amazon) Actual Amazon review: When my 12 year old daughter asked for this for her birthday, I kind of wondered if she was too old for it, but she seems to LOVE it. Her friends love it too! They play for hours in her bedroom with this great toy. They really seem to like the special effects it offers (the sound effects and vibrating). My oldest daughter (17) really](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/8/6/7/959867.jpg)
![THE VERMONT TEDDY BeAR COMPANY SELLS A FIFTY SHADES OF GREY TEDDY BeAR. Actual text from the website: Want to leave her biting her lip with excitement? Send a gift that will dominate the rest. It comes with a mask and handcuffs. CRACKED.COM http://www.vermontteddybear.com/seligroup/fifty-shades-of-grey-bear.aspx?](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/8/6/6/959866.jpg)