14 Failed Nepo Babies Who Were Born on Third Base and Couldn’t Hit a Triple
To be fair, I’d probably lose my job and disappoint my father if I set out to write a “celebration of fly white boys who love beautiful queens of every race,” too.
Tom Hanks’ Failson
Tragically, the “scared straight”-style wilderness intervention he was subjected to as a teen didn’t take, and Chet Hanks has achieved only infamy in his decades-long struggle for pop-culture relevance. His song “White Boy Summer” is the closest he’s gotten so far, but the intended “celebration of fly white boys who love beautiful queens of every race” has turned into more of a white privilege/white pride anthem.
Tom Hanks’ Failniece
Aspiring reality star and current “content creator” Carly Reeves got her 15 minutes on Fox’s Claim to Fame, a reality game show where all the contestants were secretly related to megastars. She lost early on, and went viral for her mic’d-up, frick-laden temper tantrum: “These frickin’ clues are so frickin’ obvious! … I didn’t even get to do any challenges!”
Ice Cube’s Son
O’Shea Jackson Jr. tried the music thing, but his career as rapper OMG was eclipsed by his middling acting career — his biggest credit to date was playing his dad in Straight Outta Compton.
Cary Grant’s Daughter
Jennifer Grant waited until her father passed to try her hand at acting, and managed a few minor roles in shows like Friends and Beverly Hills, 90210. In recent years, she’s played hard-to-get, pursuing a career as a yoga and meditation teacher but signing up for weird minor roles whenever the biz comes calling.
The Worst Kind of Disney Kid
Cody Horn is the daughter of Alan Horn, a TV exec of five decades who’s headed up the likes of Warner Bros. and Walt Disney Studios. She was served up a few choice roles on a silver platter, like the female lead in Magic Mike and a three-episode stint on The Office, but hasn’t acted since 2018. She’s taken to modeling and running an “educational cooking program” instead.
Hulk Hogan’s Shadow
Brooke Hogan has tagged along behind her dad in the reality TV biz and the professional wrestling racket, but her success has risen and fallen in exact tandem with her shitty dad’s professional whims. Perhaps her biggest solo accomplishment was an eight-episode arc on The Challenge: Champs vs. Stars in 2018.
The Heir to the Fiennes and Tiffin Legacies
Hero Fiennes Tiffin is the son of cinematographer George Tiffin and the nephew of actors Ralph and Joseph Fiennes. His most notable role was as a younger version of Voldemort (who’s played by his Uncle Ralph). Aside from that, he’s made a name for himself in poorly-reviewed romantic dramas.
Posh Spice’s Son
Brooklyn Joseph Beckham has tried getting into both family businesses, first failing to get really really extremely good at soccer, then failing to break into entertainment. His cooking show, Cookin’ with Brooklyn, came under fire first for being bad, then for costing $100,000 an episode to have a 62-person team make him look like he can cook.
Susan Sarandon’s Daughter
Eva Amurri is the daughter of Susan Sarandon and an Italian producer/director. She’s been acting since she was a kid, but has largely failed to land a film that doesn’t star someone named Susan Sarandon. She’s turned to lifestyle blogging instead.
Miley Cyrus’ Sister
Noah Cyrus has vaulted off the platforms given to her by her horrible dad and successful sister, and even had a single peak at 46 on the Billboard Hot 100 in 2016, but ultimately landed way closer to the Billy Ray end of the success spectrum than the Miley end.
Frank Sinatra the Younger
Frank Sinatra, Jr. was handed possibly the biggest shoes in the history of pop music — unless Blanket Jackson decides to get into the game — and he struggled mightily his whole life to fill them. While he was a prolific jazz and big band musician, he only released one solo album (at the age of 62). He even had three fewer wives than his dad.
Marc Platt’s Son
Ben Platt had a very solid early career, winning a Tony for crafting the titular role of the Broadway play Dear Evan Hansen. His 20s and 30s would be defined by the same role, but in a different way. He’s probably best known for being a 28-year-old playing a high schooler in the film version of Dear Evan Hansen, which was produced by none other than… Marc Platt.
Alan Thicke’s Unwholesome Legacy
Robin Thicke’s biggest contribution to pop culture, the song “Blurred Lines,” was both an ode to rape culture and plagiarized, as proven in court by Marvin Gaye’s estate.
Jackie Chan’s Son
Chan was named China’s anti-drug ambassador in 2009, but seven years later his son Jaycee was caught up in a major drug bust. He was sentenced to six months in a Beijing prison.
