14 Stand-Up Jokes That Are Like a Booster Shot for Your Sense of Humor
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The last stand-up show you went to is already out of your system. Better jab these jokes into your thigh like an Epi-pen.
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Jordan Brookes Always Knows Your Next Move
“Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask.”
Christian Talbot Is Angry Beyond Words
“Words can’t express how much I hate World Emoji Day.”
Zoe Lyons Strives for Purity
“I’ll tell you what’s unnatural in the eyes of God —contact lenses.”
Alex Edelman Is a Marketing Genius
“Why are they calling it ‘Brexit’ when they could be calling it ‘The Great British Break Off’?”
Stewart Francis Is a Celebrity Culture Savant
“Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse. But enough about Kanye West.”
William Andrews Is a Competitor
“I’m entering the world’s tightest hat competition. Just hope I can pull it off.”
Masai Graham’s Enraging Wordplay
“What’s the difference between a ‘hippo’ and a ‘Zippo’? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.”
Tim Vine’s Friendly Advice
“My friend told me he was going to a fancy dress party as an Italian island. I said to him ‘Don’t be Sicily.’”
Mark Nelson Says Jesus Doesn’t Get Enough Credit for Revolutionizing Appetizers
“Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That’s not a miracle. That’s tapas.”
Ria Lina, Tradwife
“I wanted to do a show about feminism. But my husband wouldn’t let me.”
Jenny Collier Says Honesty Is the Best Policy
“I never lie on my CV. Because it creases it.”
Tom Ward Says a Routine Is the Key to a Healthy Relationship
“I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time.”
Ian Smith Says Brooding Is the Key to Self-Actualization
“If you don’t know what introspection is you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.”
James Acaster, Media Critic
“Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything. Loved it. Should’ve been called Look Who’s Hawking, that’s my only criticism.”
