15 Out-of-Context Jokes and Quotes From ‘Seinfeld’

Could a ’show about nothing’ do… this?
15 Out-of-Context Jokes and Quotes From ‘Seinfeld’

They say Seinfeld is a show about nothing. And yet, Jerry and his gang of modern day philosophers touch on some of life’s most ponderous, precarious quandaries, like… is salad gay?

George’s Motivation

“I love a good nap. Sometimes it’s the only thing getting me out of bed in the morning.”

George Says Nice Guys Finish Last

“Why is nice bad? What kind of a sick society are we living in when nice is bad?”

Jerry Knows the Most Graceful Way to Call It Off

“Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.”

Kramer’s Million-Dollar Idea

“You know, I got a great idea for a cologne: ‘The Beach.’ You spray it on, and you smell like you just came home from the beach.”

Jerry’s Fragile Masculinity

“Salad! What was I thinking? Women don’t respect salad eaters.”

Jerry on PDA

“People on dates shouldn’t even be allowed out in public.”

Kramer, Master of Dermatology

“Moles — freckles’ ugly cousin.”

According to George, We Were All Living Our Best Lives During Lockdown

Kramer: You’re wasting your life.

George: I am not. What you call wasting, I call living. I’m living my life.

Kramer: Okay, like what? No, tell me. Do you have a job?

George: No.

Kramer: You got money?

George: No.

Kramer: Do you have any action at all?

George: No.

Kramer: Do you have any conceivable reason for even getting up in the morning?

George: I like to get the Daily News.

Jerry Took Down Call Centers Long Before A.I. Had the Chance

Jerry: This isn’t a good time.

Telemarketer: When would be a good time to call back, sir?

Jerry: I have an idea, why don’t you give me your home number, and I’ll call you back later?

Telemarketer: Umm, we’re not allowed to do that.

Jerry: Oh, I guess because you don’t want strangers calling you at home. Well, now you know how I feel.

Jerry on Humanity

“People don’t turn down money! It’s what separates us from the animals.”

Jerry’s Fragile Masculinity, Part 2

“Do you think it’s effeminate for a man to put clothes in a gentle cycle?”

George on Maintaining His Autonomy in a Relationship

“Why does everything have to be ‘us’? Is there no ‘me’ left? Why can’t there be some things just for me? Is that so selfish?”

Jerry on Book Braggarts

“What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses, like they’re trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?”

Elaine Ponders Death by Stench

“Can you die from an odor? I mean, like if you were locked in a vomitorium for two weeks, could you actually die from the odor?”

Jerry on Neighborly Etiquette

“How long do you have to wait for a guy to come out of a coma before you ask his ex-girlfriend out?”

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