15 Professional Athletes Who Should Consider a Career in Comedy
When you work out for a living, you have a lot of time to kick around ideas up in the ol’ noggin. Some pro athletes waste that precious time thinking about the sport they’re already playing. But the galaxy brained jocks spend it thinking about how best to relate their anecdote about a hungry “squirle.”
Caitlin Clark Held Her Own on ‘SNL’
In an appearance on SNL’s Weekend Update, Clark delivered a well-executed clapback at Michael Che. After Che said, “The University of Iowa announced that basketball star Caitlin Clark will have her jersey retired, and replaced with an apron,” Clark popped on and cued up a supercut of Che’s digs at women’s sports, before forcing him to read off a few scathing self-owns that she ostensibly wrote. They capped it off with this exchange:
Clark: Since you’re such a big fan, I brought you a souvenir. It’s an apron, signed by me.
Che: Thank you, I can’t wait to give this to my girlfriend.
Clark: You don’t have a girlfriend, Michael.
Blake Griffin Going A-to-C
Charles Barkley Undercutting the Entire Industry of Sports Advertising
“You ever notice how Gatorade don’t work for players who suck?”
DK Metcalf Addressing Rumors That He Had to Be Taken Off the Field in a Trainer’s Cart Because He Had to Go Number Two
Zlatan Ibrahimović on His One Bad Season at Barcelona Under Coach Pep Guardiola
“When you buy me, you are buying a Ferrari. If you drive a Ferrari, you put premium petrol in the tank, you hit the motorway and you step on the gas. Guardiola filled up with diesel and took a spin in the countryside. He should have bought a Fiat.”
Baseball Player Brandon McCarthy Back in 2012
Larry Bird, to His Opponents, Before a Three-Point Shooting Competition He’d Go on to Win
“Which one of you guys is going to finish second?”
You Don’t Want to Face Mike Tyson in a Roast Battle
“Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.”
Rob Gronkowski Is a Bit of a Brainiac
“My favorite subject was math. One time in high school, I got 95 out of 100, so they moved me up to Advanced Math, and I thought it was all sweet. Then I go to Advanced Math, and there were no more numbers. It was nuts! After two weeks I went back to normal math, and just dominated.”
Yogi Berra Had Such a Way With Words, Even His Gaffes Are Comedy Gold
“Even Napoleon had his Watergate.”
Travis Kelce’s Observational Comedy
Muhammad Ali Going Full Freddy Krueger
“If you even dream of beating me you’d better wake up and apologize.”
Netflix, Please Just Give Giannis Antetokounmpo 90 Minutes and See What He Does With Them
Shaq’s Got a Silver Tongue and an Ironclad Ego
“I am Superman. And the only thing that can kill Superman is Kryptonite. And Kryptonite doesn’t exist.”
