15 Sharp Jokes for Sharp Folks

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15 Sharp Jokes for Sharp Folks

I’m going to level with you: Only the smartest 10 percent of our audience has any chance at comprehending these jokes. But those of you who do? You’re in for a real treat.

Joel Dommett on What Even Counts as ‘Fashion’

“If you arrive fashionably late in Crocs, you’re just late.”

Victoria Wood on Religion

“I doubt there’s a heaven; I think the people from hell have probably bought it for a timeshare.”

Russell Howard Trying Really Hard to Avoid Insurance Fraud

“Do Transformers get car or life insurance?”

Graham Norton’s Solid Advice

“A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.”

Sarah Millican on Bodily Autonomy

“My mother told me, you don’t have to put anything in your mouth you don’t want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards.”

Josie Long on Setting Boundaries Early in a Relationship

“‘What’s a couple?’ I asked my mum. She said, ‘Two or three,’ which probably explains why her marriage collapsed.”

Lucy Porter’s Struggling, But She Wants You to Know She’s Trying

“It’s really hard to define ‘virtue signaling,’ as I was saying the other day to some of my Muslim friends over a fair-trade coffee in our local feminist bookshop.”

Alexei Sayle Is at His Wits’ End

“I’ve given up asking rhetorical questions. What’s the point?”

Alasdair Beckett-King Can’t Believe the Odds

“Whenever someone says, ‘I don’t believe in coincidences.’ I say, ‘Oh my God, me neither!’”

Angela Barnes on Where to Find High-Quality Men

“A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men’s singles event.”

Adele Cliff on Ethical Consumption

“As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer.”

Adam Hess on One of Life’s Great Mysteries

“I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark.”

I Could Barely Get Through This Novel by Gary Delaney

“I often confuse Americans and Canadians — by using long words.”

Olaf Falafel’s Sound Advice

“If you’re being chased by a pack of taxidermists, do not play dead.”

A Classic from the Patron Saint of Smarty-Pants Comedians, Ricky Gervais

“Same sex marriage isn’t a gay privilege, it’s equal rights. Privilege would be something like gay people not paying taxes. Like churches don’t.”

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