14 Jokes from the ’90s That Aged Like Fine Wine

I’m getting notes of wry insults, dissatisfaction with work and flaming bags of poo
14 Jokes from the ’90s That Aged Like Fine Wine

If you were alive and conscious in the 1990s, there’s a chance you yourself may be a little worse for wear. But these jokes are just as tight as the day they were uttered by a fresh-faced SNL cast member.

‘Clueless’ Came Up with Such a Cute Way to Call Someone a Virgin

Tai: Cher, you’re a virgin?
Dionne: The PC term is “Hymenally Challenged.”

Niles from ‘The Nanny’ Was a Roast Machine

C.C.: I just could not get out of bed this morning.
Niles: Oh, someone leave a big rock on your coffin again?

God Willing, Ellen DeGeneres’ Grandmother Is Still Out There Forrest Gumping Her Way Across the Country

“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.”

Shawn’s Zinger from ‘Boy Meets World’ Backfired, But He Didn’t Notice

“Cory, if stupidity was in the Olympics, you’d win a Nobel prize.”

Kudos to Old Man Clemens in ‘Billy Madison’ for Refusing to Cuss, Even When Fighting His Anonymous Nemeses

Old Man Clemens: Judas Priest, Barbara, it’s one of those flaming bags again!
Barbara: Don’t put it out with your boots, Ted!
Old Man Clemens: Don’t tell me my business, Devil Woman. Call the fire department, this one’s outta control… UGH, poop again!

Mitch Hedberg Apparently Foresaw the Trend of Gen Z Speeding Up Hooks from Pop Songs, Adding Dumber Lyrics and Making It Go Viral

“I remixed the remix — it was back to normal.”

Will Beating a Dead Horse on ‘The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air’

“You trippin’. No, you worse than trippin’ — you’ve fallen, and you can’t get up.”

Peter-Man’s God-Tier Response to a Soulless Prompt from Upper Management in ‘Office Space’

Bob: Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.
Peter: I wouldn’t say I’m missing it, Bob.

Drew Carey’s Take on 9-to-5 Life in ‘The Drew Carey Show’

“Oh, you hate your job? Oh my god, well, why didn’t you say so? You know there's a support group for that. It’s called everybody. They meet at the bar!”

Raoul in ‘Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas’ Succinctly Illustrating How Easily We Base Our Lives Around Delusions

Dr. Gonzo: Let’s give the boy a lift.
Raoul: What? No. We can’t stop here. This is bat country.

Chris Rock Was Right About the World Going Crazy, He Just Didn’t Understand How Much Worse It Could Get

“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick and Colon.”

You’ve Gotta Hand It to David Spade for This Solid ‘You’re Old’ Joke in ‘Just Shoot Me’

Nina: I always hated Shakespeare in high school.
Dennis: Why, did he write something mean in your yearbook?

Chris Farley’s Meandering Sales Pitch in ‘Tommy Boy’

Tommy: Let’s think about this for a sec, Ted. Why would somebody put a guarantee on a box? Hmmm, very interesting.
Customer: Go on, I’m listening.
Tommy: Here’s the way I see it, Ted. Guy puts a fancy guarantee on a box ‘cause he wants you to feel all warm and toasty inside.
Customer: Yeah, makes a man feel good.
Tommy: ‘Course it does. Why shouldn’t it? You figure you put that little box under your pillow at night, the Guarantee Fairy might come by and leave a quarter, am I right, Ted.
Customer: What’s your point?
Tommy: The point is, how do you know the fairy isn’t a crazy glue sniffer? “Building model airplanes,” says the little fairy. Well, we’re not buying it. He sneaks into your house once, that’s all it takes. The next thing you know, there’s money missing off the dresser, and your daughter’s knocked up. I seen it a hundred times.
Customer: But why do they put a guarantee on the box?
Tommy: Because they know all they sold ya was a guaranteed piece of shit. That’s all it is, isn’t it? Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will. I got spare time. But for now, for your customer’s sake, for your daughter’s sake, ya might wanna think about buying a quality product from me.
Customer: Okay, I’ll buy from you.
Tommy: Well, that’s…
Tommy and Richard: ...What?

Uh Oh, Switcheroo — Here’s One from ‘Friends’ That Absolutely Does Not Hold Up

At some point in the last 20 years, we realized Brussels sprouts aren’t gross, our parents were just cooking them all wrong. Sorry Ross, but this one’s a cancelable offense: “Brussels sprouts? That’s worse than no food!”

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