The Best Financial Quotes From ‘The Simpsons’ to Use in Your Daily Life
To be clear, it is not recommended to base financial decisions off of lines from a broadcast sitcom, but The Simpsons would be your best bet if you had to choose one.
Though The Simpsons isn’t exactly known for its depictions of fiscally prudent characters, at a certain point, you simply can’t argue with results — despite pouring entire paychecks into Moe’s Tavern and seemingly indulging his every spending impulse, Homer has raised 2.5 kids in a massive four-bedroom, two-bathroom house with a yard in a small city on a modest middle-class salary for the last 34 years. Modern estimates place the cost of raising a kid all the way to 18 years old at around a quarter of a million dollars, and with Bart, Lisa and Maggie stuck in an endless childhood, we can reasonably infer that the Simpsons family has somehow scrimped and saved seven figures.
For the rest of us who aren’t lucky enough to live the lavish life of Springfield’s first family, The Simpsons has plenty of nuggets of financial wisdom to help us get through the daily grind. The Simpsons subreddit recently discussed which Simpsons financial quotes are fit for use in everyday life, and here are some of the top picks…
“I Can’t Take His Money. I Can’t Print My Own Money. I Have to Work for Money. Why Don’t I Just Lie Down and Die?”
Even without a clear “his” in your life, this one is a remarkably effective way to wallow into the bathroom mirror before going into work while seriously contemplating the attractive alternative of laying down and dying. Of course, some of us can print our own money, so this one doesn't apply for the Department of the Treasury or the heroic counterfeiters who oppose them.
“I Paid My Taxes Over A Year Ago!”
Seriously, there has to be a better system than the annual guessing game in which we all calculate our own tax burden and pray that we’re close enough to the right answer to stay off the IRS’ radar. When Homer got audited, the FBI forcibly recruited him into a sting operation to take down Mr. Burns — when regular people get reamed by the tax man, they just get their lives ruined.
“You Know Mr. Burns? You’re the Richest Guy I Know. Way Richer Than Lenny!”
“Oh, Yes, But I’d Trade It All for A Little More!”
Springfield’s most miserly magnate understands the free market better than anyone else in The Simpsons, even if he once blew a bunch of money investing in a company called “Confederated Slave Holdings.” This line represents the ethos of the uber-wealthy, and, to a certain subsection of grindset influencers, Burns’ endless devotion to endless profits is downright aspirational.
“We Can’t Afford to Shop at Any Store That Has A Philosophy”
The whole “ethical consumption under capitalism” debate is a conversation that only liberal arts grads with generational wealth have time to discuss over a cup of fair-trade coffee that costs $9 — before tip. For normal people, phrases like “cruelty free,” “locally sourced” and “non-GMO” are code for “not worth it.” Besides, all those stores that start off with philosophies end up selling their souls anyways. Remember when all the hippies loved Whole Foods?
“Money Can Be Exchanged for Goods and Services”
Most people with the capacity for literacy also have a basic understanding of the concept of currency and how it operates in the greater economy, but everyone has their own embarrassing blind spots so there’s no shame if this is your first exposure to the construct. Twenty bucks can, in fact, buy many peanuts — and now we all know how. Use this one to impress your friends who still operate on the barter system.