35 of the Funniest Tweets from Tuesday, December 9, 2025

Not under my roof!!!
35 of the Funniest Tweets from Tuesday, December 9, 2025

Can the nominees for the most prestigious comedy awards be a total joke to the fans?

When the HFPA announced the nominees for Best Performance in Stand-Up Comedy on Television, the internet immediately started roasting the list. One user even tweeted: “I gotta admit, nominating all the worst comedians in the world for best stand up performance is a good bit”. 

Other fans chimed in with comments like “Boomerslop” and “Is this list from 2010?” — making it pretty clear that whoever chose the nominees isn’t exactly plugged into the current comedy scene.

Meanwhile, the HFPA declined to nominate a single comedian under the age of 45, further suggesting that the selection process for the Golden Globes' stand-up comedy category unfairly favored the most entrenched, established and hosted-the-Golden-Globes-multiple-times comedians.

Maybe this whole problem will get better in a few years, since it’s only the third time this category has existed. And they’ve also added newer, more modern categories like “podcast.”

In the meantime, Twitter’s got the best comedians all over the world. Today’s funniest include getting scammed by a cashier, kids being smarter than adults and a heated blanket cooking someone.

Austine G ... @theereal_one 19h they're getting run under the sink for 10 seconds sorry i have S**t to do Pico @Piicools Oct 29 this is why you should do a 15min baking soda soak to clean ur produce 310 5.8K 134K 3.9M
@GlebMelnikov8 17h G ... Big Gleb The obvious solution here is to let both Netflix and Paramount have one Warner brother Pop Base @PopBase.22h Paramount has launched a hostile takeover bid for Warner Bros. Discovery valued at around $108 BILLION. This follows the recent announcement of Netflix's takeover deal for the company, valued at $72 BILLION.... N WB 171 2.8K 37K 562K
Laroi Esq. @fwlaroiski - 19h ... this morning I got a drink from the corner store, and the cashier said you could get two more if you wanted, and so I got two more because I thought she meant there was a promo. but there wasn't a promo, I just paid full price for three of the same drink. why did she do this? 154 612 17K 301K
Dave @tufdave . 22h ... My parents mistakenly took money out of my brother's bank account instead of theirs to pay the mortgage and now every time we tell him to do something he says you can't talk to me like that in my house 258 5.2K 136K del 1.8M
Thrilla the Gorilla @ThrillaRilla369 16h ... I was helping my 10-year-old clean her room and said, You have way too much stuff! She replied, I don't have money. I didn't buy any of this. Daughter: 1 Dad: 0 266 3.8K 87K del 717K
sera @tearsnessa 20h ... Fan account sending thoughts and prayers rn to joe jonas. nothings happened to him, but the video of him attempting to parallel park has 6 million views. 14 1.5K 30K 290K
Pierre L'Fauex @LFauexProd 23h ... First time visiting IKEA website and they have a section labelled, Recommended For You. You don't know anything about me. 9 249 7.3K 53K
Ry ریان @ry_something 15h ... told a coworker that my favorite candy is skittles and he said of course it is 49 1.1K 39K del 289K
shaywdafatty @yklilshaayprt2 16h ... just went to McDonald's to get a Caramel Frap I gave her $10 she said hold on i don't have change. I'm like u aint got $6.25 she came back handed me $95.26 talkn bout do i want receipt ?Girl no i don't want a receipt I'm trying get tf outta here i drove righ off fck that drink 158 507 17K 314K
JVS3PH G ... @jvs3ph 20h this and a small town where somethings not right @xangasms.20h FBI agent breakfast 266 8.5K 101K dil 2.2M
O ... Larry Lee @livingxxlarry 8h I bought a whole birthday cake from Walmart because I was craving it and the cashier asked who's birthday is it told her I just wanted some cake and she asked if I overlooked the individual cake slices...EXCUSE ME 97 328 7.7K 74K
s ... special k @KettyBitch . 18h The milk is sending me What's What's For Dinner? @WHATSFORDINNER . Dec 8 Dinner Full English Breakfast STELLA - ARTOIS HP SAUCE WHOLE BLACK 18 73 4.6K 97K
Colin the Dachshund @DachshundColin 18h s ... OLD LADY YELLS AT BISCUIT 18st kf o:jukd k If: je: () un insisti, Kitti d'hdy jivr sc:-vem: city n with 1.21 m تخر ت١٠٠ m been Firica Susan Hall AM @Councillorsuzie 23h 16 MINI GINGERBREAD Look at this nonsense-NO-they are gingerbread PEOPLE - men!!! 17 2.3K 59K del 1.1M
zeta @zeta_globin . 14h ... when my brother was 11 my dad took him to an allergist who scraped my brother's arm with a popsicle stick and asked does that normally happen when it immediately formed a red raised welt line and my brother said dead pan I don't normally scrape myself with popsicle sticks 15 371 30K 325K
@King_Sukunaaa 23h s ... King Sukuna why you use his full government Izzo M @israeldfirzt Dec 8 Obsessed with this pic of Rihanna and As Soon As Possible 121 3.4K 64K 1.3M
Nash Potatoes is Jane's wifething @PVRG4TORY 20h ... Update: my heated blanket was cooking me alive and that's what I was smelling Nash Potatoes is Jane's wifething @PVRG4TORY 22h I've been smelling doritos a lot lately but I don't own any?? And neither does my roommate?? There's no snacks at our place rn where is this coming from it's making me hungry 56 610 23K 337K
Chris Evangelista @cevangelista413 18h G ... I've just now learned that in the STUART LITTLE book, Stuart is not actually a mouse but a human boy who looks like a mouse, and I don't know how to process this A white mouse looking boy named Stuart is born to an ordinary family in New York City. Не is normal in every way except that he is only just over two inches (5 cm) tall and looks exactly like a mouse, despite being a human child. At first, the family is 339 1.6K 36K 2.4M
autist @litteralyme0 11h ... When you just had the worst work day of ur life and u see some random streamer complaining about how hard it is to play video games and get payed millions of dollars 0:02 litteralyme0 Dexerto @Dexerto Dec 6 QTCinderella says she would have been a happier person if she never became a streamer The biggest thing wish I could do, if went back and was able to whisper in my ear, I would say, don't do it... 45 1.8K 36K 676K
I ASSECIAL Americana Pipedream Apparel G ... @amerpipedream 16h LIVE AMERICAN Do you guys think my tires are OK for the winter MADE IN YUGOSLAVIA 8 319 1K 44K 933K
staxxx @papiwontmiss . 22h ... My grandma is a nut. My grandfather passed away and my grandma said he got a lot of nerve pulling some S t like this today 267 4.8K 71K 1.2M
s ... t dog @flatsounder 14h My boss told me to resign so she could give me a new seasonal contract. | resigned and now she's ghosting me. Guys i think got #tricked... II GIF 44 193 25K 708K
@CintanyaMediaku 15h G ... Cintanya Mediaku Isn't this supposed to be for washing a corpse? Why is it being used in a spa?? 0:02 audy kamara @audykamara Dec 5 I'm not tired, I'm just bored of everything today. 511 90 4K 7.5M
N'Golo @NgoloTesla. 20h S ... I don't have to say it because you already know what I'm going to say Jaimee @Orang3youglad Dec 8 idk if this is a stupid question but why did women in the 70s have a completely different hair texture even though they seemingly did a lot of the same hairstyles? 95 34 7.2K ill 2.3M
joanne Follow G ... @alexgcdiaz everyone is dressed for a different scene i can't breathe Y - I ) С 81 CC
BCo @quesadaaa_ 22h O ... How do you know he's not doing this out of hate and spite? You don't. @RuggedRyan_ 22h xx horse sliding down hill just for fun and joy 0:10 90 5.8K 106K 1.3M
shiv roy's bob @stellamilfburn 7h G ... know this is a random cast but hear me out pika capital @pikacap 21h This is crazy. HBO should make a show about billionaire media tycoons trying to buy another media conglomerate and highlight all the behind- the-scenes drama x.com/exec_sum/statu... 21 558 8.1K 147K
GRUMPT BLU Old Salty Marine @BamaSaltyMarine 23h ... MARINE My granddaughter got kicked out of class today for being sarcastic. Teacher: what would your parents say if I called them? Her: hello 75 801 16K 100K
sam @sam_niac 19h G ... my daughter lost her first baby teeth! So proud. 1.3K 1.1K 25K 485K The Scope De-Fi Follow @ScopeDefi You raising a saber-tooth tiger? 9:53 AM Dec 9, 2025 5 . 20.4K Views
G ... Satern (spilled) @youshouldbe13_ 13h HALBEY 17 Parody account which one nat @sottrrys . Dec 8 This harry styles a ** outfit 54 2.1K 41K 379K
@SomaKazima2 18h s ... Ichigo Niggasake That cake was not liquidy KIATILDA CAKE NESLE LE NE 06 NESLE 0:08 314 760 25K 6.8M
s ... paige @BonerWizard 18h how do you even drop out of 8th grade? shaneyyricch @shaneyyricch Dec 7 From dropping out of 8th grade to the White House Pretty dope 309 1K 45K 932K
S ... Kale II @Kale_owu 11h They fed our faces to ai for our graduation page in the school year book... That none of us consented to... Instead of using our actual school photos... CHETTI KARLI Cringe AGG 456 4.2K 116K 1.5M
casey at the bat @thebenchesclear 21h G ... why is this phrased like a sports team trying to sign a free agent R Leading Report @LeadingReport. Dec 6 BREAKING: Barron Trump is reportedly very close to putting his faith in Christ, per Stuart Knechtle. 152 1.4K 46K del 1.1M
High T Memes @high_t_memes. 8h S ... Joshua Greene . 1y ago J Banana is such an aggressive fruit, you can add 15 fruits to a blender but add 1 banana and it's a banana smoothie 9.4K 12 472 19K del 106K
s ... King Sukuna @King_Sukunaaa.22h We had ChatGPT 1.0 in our days Stella @StellaSpeaks17 . Dec 8 We had ChatGPT 1.0 in our days, It took forever to answer and was wrong most of the time. Kids today with ChatGPT 5 will never understand our struggle. 119 7.3K 141K 1.7M

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