30 Purposefully Terrible Jokes Tweeted Out By the Late, Great Gilbert Gottfried

A veritable tsunami of dad jokes
30 Purposefully Terrible Jokes Tweeted Out By the Late, Great Gilbert Gottfried
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After the devastating Japanese tsunami of 2011, legendary comedian Gilbert Gottfried tweeted out some off-color jokes that cost him his longtime gig as the Aflac duck. After that, Gottfried played it safe on Twitter, but he played it so safe that it was to the point of parody, only tweeting out awful jokes for years on end until his untimely passing in 2022. 

Here are 30 of those truly cringeworthy tweets…

Gilbert Gottfried @RealGilbert Apr 7, 2021 G ... Why do frogs drink beer? Because of the HOPS. I deeply apologize to any alcoholic frogs. 20 42 356
Gilbert Gottfried @RealGilbert Aug 3, 2020 O ... Can SAILBOATS socialize? Only if they wear a MAST. I apologize, but that boat joke was on SAIL. 45 50 336 del
Gilbert Gottfried @RealGilbert Nov 6, 2020 G ... Why did the presidential candidates take Viagra? So they can achieve an ELECTION. I apologize if that joke didn't make your approval rating rise up. #Election2020results TININ J 60 54 528
Gilbert Gottfried @RealGilbert Sep 22, 2020 O ... Why did the man bring toilet paper to Las Vegas? Because he wanted to play a game of CRAPS. I apologize if you think I should just ROYAL FLUSH that joke. W E L GOME TO Fabulous LAS VEGAS NEVADA TAO 23 J 20 171
@RealGilbert Dec 2, 2020 Gilbert Gottfried ... Years ago I lost a pair of PLIERS. The experience was quite WRENCHING.I apologize if this joke makes me look like a real TOOL. 55 25 401
Gilbert Gottfried @RealGilbert Apr 23, 2020 ... I know the woman in charge of #WorldBookDay. Her name is PAGE TURNER. I once ate a book. I found it very BINDING. I'd like to do a show at a library, but can't get a BOOKING. I deeply apologize to anyone that knows how to read. #worldbookday2020 30 48 269
Gilbert Gottfried @RealGilbert Jul 13, 2020 G ... What did the rabbit give his girlfriend on their anniversary? Fourteen CARROTS. I apologize if jokes like that make you want to pull our HARE out. 17 20 234
Gilbert Gottfried @RealGilbert Oct 24, 2021 G ... I was looking in the mirror today. I needed time to reflect. I apologize to any mirrors that I may have hurt with that last joke. WHITE SENDY 23 23 302
Gilbert Gottfried @RealGilbert Jul 19, 2021 O ... Why did the apples and the grapes join a gang? PEAR pressure! I deeply apologize if I bruised any fruits. 16 18 221
Gilbert Gottfried @RealGilbert Jul 16, 2020 G ... I stopped going to my neighborhood barbershop because someone warned me it was a real CLIP joint. I apologize if that joke wasn't A CUT above the rest. 25 19 106
Gilbert Gottfried @RealGilbert Mar 5, 2021 G ... When I called the RESTAURANT for a table, I was excited to go. But now, have RESERVATIONS. I apologize if after hearing that joke, you don't know if you want to LIVE or DINE. FOOD Restaurant DRINK 11 13 107
Gilbert Gottfried @RealGilbert Sep 14, 2020 ... My tailor spends the day on the internet. He's always sending out TWEEDS. Не likes to go to the library. He's very well THREAD. Не himself can SPOOL a good tale. I hate to NEEDLE him. I apologize if this is so boring, it makes you YARN. 33 12 121
Gilbert Gottfried @RealGilbert Jun 1, 2019 G ... I told my plumber I had trouble turning the water on. Не said, What ever you do, don't FAUCET! I apologize if that joke didn't TURN YOU ON and left you feeling DRAINED. 44 40 395
Gilbert Gottfried @RealGilbert Mar 31, 2019 G ... What do Math Teachers eat? MATH POTATOES! apologize if that joke just didn't ADD up. 1 2 3 4 567 8910 27 28 146
Gilbert Gottfried @RealGilbert Jul 25, 2019 O ... Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the SHELL Station. I apologize to any turtles who go a little cross at that joke. TURTLE CROSSING 16 22 180
Gilbert Gottfried @RealGilbert Feb 19, 2020 ... How do you catch DE FISH? With DE BATE. I apologize for HOOKING you in with that joke. #DemDebate #DemocraticDebate 88888888 x DEMOCRATIC DEBATE - - GROWN - GROW SPONSC adidas - - - - i I - - - - GMONBC ©PONIC UPON 23 18 216
Gilbert Gottfried Who lives in the Vatican and quotes The Raven? Edgar Allen Pope. Who @RealGilbert Jan 19, 2020 quotes The Raven and jumps up and down? Edgar Allen Pogo stick. apologize to Ravens G ... JAC LIM dad de ots entre a mis salas me come dijo el curato y педа basin on Una unda W me diga m pop Ts todos and Guantity a quien temas y will or jess the Rod notube H de la punisia been C Tamas current 7 Chron POR reclivado en la Bland en ensueño have A vertido en an el ave pensando
Gilbert Gottfried @RealGilbert Mar 9, 2020 O ... Today I was considering buying a pair of argyles, but then I thought about it and said, This is a bad time to invest in the sock market. I apologize if I put my foot in it that time. #marketcrash 19 35 205 del
Gilbert Gottfried @RealGilbert Feb 2, 2020 G ... Why did Clark Kent run to the bathroom? Не had to use the Super Bowl. I apologize if that joke felt like a foot-in-the-balls. I hope you're not bawling. #SuperBowlLIV.. 8 22 155
Gilbert Gottfried @RealGilbert Apr 7, 2020 G ... I will not date a girl with less then ten toes. I'm Lack Toes Intolerant. I won't eat a burnt slice of bread. I'm Black Toast Intolerant. I take Viagra. I'm Slack Hose Intolerant. I apologize to anyone who has trouble with milk products. #TuesdayThoughts 23 30 216
Gilbert Gottfried @RealGilbert Apr 8, 2019 ... I'm sorry I didn't celebrate #NationalLibraryWeek but I was BOOKED. I apologize if I didn't PAGE you. 38 73 402
Gilbert Gottfried @RealGilbert Dec 29, 2019 ... Nothing that Dolphins do is accidental. They do everything on PORPOISE. I apologize for being flippant about Flipper. 31 39 530
Gilbert Gottfried O ... @RealGilbert Oct 7, 2018 I was going crazy because I couldn't remember the word hemorrhoid. Luckily at the last minute, I pulled it out of my ass. I apologize for that unfunny crack. Please wipe it from your mind. ? ? ? ? 36 I 61 361
Gilbert Gottfried @RealGilbert Feb 27, 2019 ... How do you get a tissue to dance? Put a little BOOGIE in it. I apologize ifl PICKED a joke that was SNOT funny. 17 21 144
Gilbert Gottfried @RealGilbert Nov 9, 2018 G ... The main artery of the human body is the AORTA. Unless, it belongs to one of the Three Stooges, in which case it's the WHY I OUGHTA!!!! I apologize to Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine and Dr. Howard. 15 14 142
Gilbert Gottfried @RealGilbert Oct 18, 2018 G ... just split up with a woman who worked for @SAMSONITE. She was a nice woman, but she had too much BAGGAGE. I apologize if you think that joke should have been put in the OVERHEAD COMPARTMENT. I didn't mean to CARRY ON. I hope this joke wasn't more than you can HANDLE. 58 72 496
Gilbert Gottfried @RealGilbert Nov 29, 2018 ... What lives in Russia and gives milk? A Moscow. I apologize if that joke put you in a bad MOOOD. 95 231 1.3K
Gilbert Gottfried @RealGilbert Oct 17, 2018 ... #NationalPastaDay Did you hear what happened to the Italian cook? Не PASTA way. I deeply apologize if you don't think that joke was worth a PENNE. I guess I should have used my NOODLE. 64 177 735
Gilbert Gottfried @RealGilbert Mar 7, 2019 ... The badly decomposed body of The Lucky Charms Leprechaun was discovered today. The police say it looks like the work of a CEREAL killer. I apologize if that insensitive joke SNAPED or CRACKLED Or POPPED your feelings #NationalCerealDay 66 95 548
Gilbert Gottfried @RealGilbert Jul 28, 2018 ... How does the MOON cut his hair? ECLIPSE it. I apologize for that joke. I guess I didn't PLANET. #LunarEclipse 80 326 1.3K

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