17 of the Best Lines from ‘Comedy Central Presents: Jim Gaffigan’

‘I'm from a very big family, a very large family. Nine parents. Anyone else?’
17 of the Best Lines from ‘Comedy Central Presents: Jim Gaffigan’
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Jim Gaffigan is and always has been an everyman’s comedian. He tackles snack foods and unbridled laziness, and mostly leaves the envelope unpushed. Now, though, he does happen to be an everyman that’s been on multiple world tours, which takes some of the salt out of that earth. 

Looking back to when he first reared his head for many fans on the iconic Comedy Central Presents of the past, it's easy to see why everyone found him immediately relatable. Here are some highlights…

I think it would be great if you had a kid that ended up being Pope. That would be the ultimate bragging rights. Oh, your son's a doctor? Yeah, ours is Pope.
You think when gym teachers are younger, they're thinking, You know, / wanna teach... but I don't wanna read. How about kickball for 40 years?
I'm from a very big family, a very large family. 9 parents. Anyone else?
Every now and then I'll read a book, and I'll be so proud of it, I'll try to squeeze it into conversation. People like, Hey Jim, how are-- I READ A BOOK. 250 PAGES. Great, what was it about? No idea. It took me 2 years.
You ever talk about a movie with someone that read the book? They're always so condescending. Ah, the book was much better than the movie. Oh really? What I enjoyed about the movie: no reading.
I was watching Animal Planet... did you know the male seahorse has the baby? And I was thinking... why don't they just call that the female seahorse?
You ever look for the remote control, you can't find it, so you just decide, Ehh, looks like I'm not watching TV.
I watch a lot of TV, I drink a lot of coffee, too. but you know what's really addictive? Heroin.
You ever find yourself being lazy for no reason at all? Like you pick up your mail, you go in your house, You realize you have a letter for a neighbor? You ever look at the letter and go, Hm. Looks like they're never getting this.
New York's made me so paranoid, whenever I visit another city I act like I'm from there, so the cab driver doesn't rip me off. Yeah, it's good to be back home. Back here where I grew up. Yeah, here in Tokyo.
The only advantage of glasses is you can do that dramatic removal, you ever see that? My god... holy mother of god... / can't see a thing.
I trust people with glasses, don't you? But if you're wearing your glasses like this? GET AWAY FROM HIM!
I was looking at a bottle of water, they have nutritional facts on the side. Now, I'm no chemist, but... I have a rough idea what's in water. Kinda expect to turn the bottle and see a recipe. That's how you make ice cubes, huh.
Isn't it strange how when you're single, all you see are couples? And then when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers?
/ wish I was ethnic. I'm nothing. Because if you're Hispanic and get angry, people are like He's got a Latin temper! If you're a white guy and you get angry, people are like, that guy's a jerk.
There's a different kind of pride where I'm from. It's not like We're from New York! We're tough! or We're from Texas! We like things big! It's more like We're from Indiana... and we're gonna move!
I'm originally from Indiana, and I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana: Mafia.

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