31 of the Pettiest Jerk Moves in History

‘When Hitler promised he wouldn’t invade Czechoslovakia and then did it anyway’
31 of the Pettiest Jerk Moves in History
Add Cracked to Google

If choices throughout history were made on logical reasoning, it would be a whole lot less of a mess. If you love old-timey drama, however, you’re probably happy that our ancestors were just as petty as we are. This rears its head occasionally in an exchange notable enough to make it into the historical record.

Redditors shared what they considered some of the biggest jerk moves in history. People of both antiquity and modern times throwing each other massive middle fingers that just so happened to also affect the path of the world. 

Keep reading for some big-time historical nose-thumbings.

Ready_2_Plow . 7y ago The US staying in Vietnam because no president wanted to be the first to lose a war. What a waste of lives.
Flappybird11 . 7y ago Napoleon, upon entering Egypt, had several Egyptians shower him with gifts, on penalty of death.
FalstaffsMind . 7y ago Handing out smallpox blankets to native Americans.
I_n_b_4 . . 7y ago I would say when Warren Buffet bought the controlling shares in Berkshire Hathaway because the CEO pissed him off. Now it's an absurdly large and successful group
wannabie_pilot. 7y ago When Washington drove the British from Boston, he moved his army to New York. Не felt the British would try to reinforce it. After liberating NY, they tore down a statue of the king in the city square. They melted down the statue into 42,000 musket balls. To return the statue back to the Red Coats.
. 7y ago I'm pretty sure this counts so, Archduke Franz Ferdinand almost dying from a grenade attack, shouting So this is how you welcome your guests!? With bombs!? and then being shot and killed like an hour later
TotallyNotASpy321 . 7y ago Let's be honest here....spending 3 hours to dump 342 chests of tea into a harbor. Like I get you are mad at the tax, but come on there are better ways than turning the harbor into the biggest cup o tea.
BlueComms 7y ago Probably when the Mongol dignitary was sent into a city to try to establish trade, and was killed. Ol' Ghengis wasn't having it so he invaded the Islamic states in their entirety and absolutely razed the whole thing. I think he killed millions of people because of it.
. 7y ago The creator of netfilx made it because he had a 40$ late fee from blockbuster
Cyndirawr . 7y ago In 1938, when Hitler promised everyone he wouldn't invade Czechoslovakia and then did it anyway
DigNitty . 7y ago Print out Edison's Wikipedia and throw a dart at it.
illstudywhenimdead 7y ago When Mary queen of Scots got pregnant she asked Elizabeth I (her cousin who couldn't have children) to be the godmother of the child, an offer she couldn't refuse because it would make her look terrible, so Elizabeth I accepted knowing that this child would mean the end of the Tudor dynasty ruling over England, and Mary Queen of Scots knew this too, so she just did it out of spite.
Edgykiddoxd . 7y ago Xi Jin Ping banning Winnie the Pooh, because of a meme.
creavmaster 7y ago Olga of Kiev had an interesting one. The Drevilans wanted Olga to marry their prince but she didn't want to. They sent 20 of their best men to convince her, she buried them alive and told them she accepted asking for there leaders to accompany her. She put them in a bath house and burnt it. She then asked them to come mourn got them drunk and murdered over 5000 of them. She then took the city siege. She said she wanted no more trouble but asked for three pigeons and three sparrows from each house. She
HunterScare . 7y ago About a thousand years ago my country was in a war with a bigger opponent. We lost that war and their main officer blinded every.single.soldier. Occasionally he would leave some with only one eye but no one escaped the punishment. Worst part is that when our leader saw his army he had a heart attack. We officially lost the war and were slaves for more than a century.
Dragonist777 . 7y ago King Henry the viii he made his own church because the church said divorce was bad.
Sydnel . 7y ago Edited 7y ago Treaty of Georgievsk. Happened in my country. Point was that Russians promised us to send help to fight against Persian armies but they did not.
Jennyrelleni . 7y ago Napoleon asked the Spanish government permission to pass through Spain with his army to conquer Portugal. When they reached the middle of Spain they disclosed their real plan to stay and of course we were conquered.
boostman 7y ago St Petersburg, 1739 - Prince Mikhail Alekseevich Golitsyn of Russia offended the Empress Anna Ivanovna by marrying an Italian woman. After his wife died, the Empress had a giant ice palace built, replete with ice sculptures and even ice cannon. She had the prince dressed as a jester and forcibly married to an ugly peasant woman in a big mock- ceremony, attended by animals and circus freaks. She then shut them naked into an icy chamber to freeze to death - they only survived because the prince's new wife managed to bribe a guard for a coat.
UltimateAnswer42 . 7y ago Edited 7y ago Probably not the pettiest move but definitely a dick move. King Edward was assaulting a Scottish castle. Proceeded to build giant trebuchet. The Scots surrendered upon seeing it. Edward then ordered them back into the castle and proceeded to fire on it, because he wanted to use the trebuchet.
CurrentAssist 7y ago I don't know the exact story. But there was a couple of monks who lived across a lake from eachother. One of these guys was getting uppity and thought he was the shit, so he writes a poem congratulating himself with the line the four winds cannot move me or something like that. The other monk takes the poem, writes the word Fart and sends it back. The first guy was enraged and makes a journey to this other guys house and starts chewing him out. The second guy just responded with Wow, the four winds cannot
tmoney144 . 7y ago When Michael Jordan used his hall of fame induction speech to shit on his high school basketball coach.
NO 7y ago Xerxes wipping the Ocean. According to the Greek historian Herodotus, Xerxes's first attempt to bridge the Hellespont ended in failure when a storm destroyed the flax and papyrus cables of the bridges. In retaliation, Xerxes ordered the Hellespont (the strait itself) whipped three hundred times, and had fetters thrown into the water. Xerxes's second attempt to bridge the Hellespont was successful
ZakGramarye 7y ago Alexander the great, after having conquered everything between Egypt and current Pakistan, faced massive unrest from his army that wanted to go home. They ended up forcing him to take them back... and so he did... marching through the desert route instead of the way they had come, killing thousands through attrition. On the way home he got sick/was poisoned and when he lay dying and was asked to name a successor by his generals, he answered the strongest, civil war ensued.
K1LLINGMACHINE . 7y ago Michael Jackson outbidding Paul McCartney for the rights to the Beatle's catalog
SauciiBoii2002 7y ago After Stalin's son tried to kill himself but lived.....His mother tended to his wounds but Stalin said: Не Can't Even Shoot Straight And the number one father award goes to...Stalin
. 7y ago Daniel Kottke was Apple employee number 12 and at one point a close friend of Steve Jobs, meeting him at Reed College in 1972. Daniel was heavily involved in building and testing the early versions of the Apple II computer, and later built the some of the first prototypes of the Apple III and the Macintosh computers. When Apple went public, Jobs refused to give him any stock.
amateurishatbest . 7y ago The British campaign to make the world think Napoleon was short.
TechnoPuff 7y ago I'd have to say when Michelangelo was painting the Sistine chapel, and he painted one of his most hated people in his depiction of hell, getting his genitalia bitten off by a snake. What a way to send a message.
-Y2K 7y ago During the French Revolution Maximilien De Robespierre was signing *a lot* of people to the Gullotine for execution, even his own comrades. Long story short he wasn't telling who was on the list so in fear of the possibility of being on the list a bunch of other revolutionaries came to arrest him so Maximilien shot himself in the face... and didn't die. So they left him to bleed for a while in a cell, healed up his bleeding as best as possible, then executed him the next day.
mlyashenko 7y ago Russian tsar Peter the Great's wife Catherine was found out to be cheating on him, so he had her lover beheaded and had his head pickled and put into Catherine's chambers, despite him himself having cheated on many occasions.

Tags:

Scroll down for the next article

Must Read

VIRAL ON CRACKED

A WEEKLY
NEWSLETTER OF
JOKES + TRIVIA

Forgot Password?