21 Rodney Dangerfield Jokes That Deserve At Least Some Respect

‘Last week, I looked up my family tree. Two dogs were using it!’
21 Rodney Dangerfield Jokes That Deserve At Least Some Respect

There we go, folks. We got the easy joke out of the way right in the title. Though people might only know Rodney Dangerfield from his movie roles, if at all, the man was a genuine stand-up as well. Stand-up that’s shockingly held up better than plenty of other routines of the time, maybe because the brunt of most jokes was the man himself. They might not sate your need for sharp satire, post-comedy and so on and so forth, but they’re undeniably solid jokes.

CRACKED My whole life, all I know is rejection. When I was a kid, my yo-yo? It never came back. -RODNEY DANGERFIELD
CRACKED I was so poor, my rich aunt died. In the will, I owed her $20. -RODNEY DANGERFIELD
CRACKED I know how to make a girl say 'Yes.' I ask her, 'Am I bothering you? -RODNEY DANGERFIELD
CRACKED My kid drives me nuts. For 3 years now, he goes to a private school. Не won't tell me where it is! -RODNEY DANGERFIELD
CRACKED Last week, I looked up my family tree. Two dogs were using it! -RODNEY DANGERFIELD
CRACKED Last week, my house was on fire. My wife said to the kids, 'Be quiet. You'll wake up Daddy. -RODNEY DANGERFIELD
CRACKED My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then, we met. -RODNEY DANGERFIELD
CRACKED I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. -RODNEY DANGERFIELD
CRACKED A girl phoned me the other day and said, 'come over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home. -RODNEY DANGERFIELD
CRACKED My psychiatrist told me I was crazy. I said, 'I want a second opinion.' Не said, 'OK, you're ugly too. -RODNEY DANGERFIELD
CRACKED When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, 'I'm very sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through. -RODNEY DANGERFIELD
CRACKED My uncle's dying wish, he wanted me on his lap. Не was in the electric chair. -RODNEY DANGERFIELD
CRACKED What a dog I got. His favorite bone is in my arm. -RODNEY DANGERFIELD
CRACKED I went to the hardware store to buy some rat poison. The cashier says, 'do you want a bag, or are you gonna eat it here? -RODNEY DANGERFIELD
CRACKED I tell my doctor I want to get a vasectomy. Не said, with a face like mine, I don't need one. -RODNEY DANGERFIELD
CRACKED My wife is never nice. She won a trip for two to Las Vegas. She went twice. -RODNEY DANGERFIELD
CRACKED What a childhood I had. When I took my first step, my old man tripped me. -RODNEY DANGERFIELD
CRACKED During sex, my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night, she called me from a hotel. -RODNEY DANGERFIELD
CRACKED I worked in a pet store, and people kept asking how big I'd get. -RODNEY DANGERFIELD
CRACKED Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. -RODNEY DANGERFIELD
CRACKED When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot. But I always found them. -RODNEY DANGERFIELD

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