31 of the Wildest Things Children Have Said

‘Can I have your tv when you die?’
31 of the Wildest Things Children Have Said

It’s very exciting when a child reaches an age where they can not only talk, but communicate with the people around them. Unfortunately, they aren’t yet old enough to understand the things you’re not supposed to say. Luckily, they’re given the benefit of the doubt when firing off statements and questions to adults’ faces that would get a fully-grown human punched.

Over on AskReddit, people have shared some of the wildest things that a kid has ever asked or told them. Some are brutally honest. Some are straight-up rude. And a couple are just downright unsettling.

injury minded . 3y ago When you were a kid, did they even have electricity? Or is that new to you? I'm 22???????
sensualsqueaky Зу ago Dumb but truly adorable. Got a new kitten, was taking him to the vet. Не was sitting in the loaf cat position with his feet tucked all up under him in his cat carrier. Little girl comes up to me with a look of genuine concern. Hello, excuse me, I've never had a cat, I just have a dog (points over at her dog at the vet) and I just wanted to know if you brought the cat to the vet because he doesn't have any feet? | picked him up and she saw his feet and
schnozzberryflop . 3y ago One of my preschool students asked me if I'd be her daddy in front of her divorced mom. Awkward.
Gantzish Зу ago We've talked about sex with my 11 & 12yo kids relatively openly over the past few years. Told them to ask me anything, anytime, and I'll give them a straight answer. And then one day over dinner, When was the last time you and dad had sex? For the sake of the children's future imaginings, That's something I can't answer. I think they thought I just couldn't remember, so my then 9yo said to the one who asked, Duh! 9 years ago, and then I was born. Yep, uh-huh, that's right, kiddo.
 . 3y ago Can I have your tv when you die? | had just bought a big new tv and my cousin was over. I has 23 at the time, but kids being kids, see anything over 20 as ancient lol
asoiahats . Зу ago My three year old nephew asked me how old his great grandmother is. I told him she's 94. Не asked why she hasn't died yet.
bellabbr . 3y ago It wasn't me, but my daughter was 4 when she met my grandmother who was 68 at the time. Oldest person my daughter ever met, so without missing a beat she turns to my grandmother and says.. was jesus friendly in person? Lol
maleorderbride . 3y ago 6-year-old kid: Hey, watch this! blank stare for something like 10 seconds Kid: Guess what? Me, bewildered: What? Kid: I was talking to you inside my head!
BigdoggyTN 3y ago Not me, but my wife, who is black. Kid: Your skin is so dark. Does it wash off? Wife: No baby, this is tanning shade #28. You've only got shade #3. Kid ran too his mom and said he wanted to go outside and get a #28.
 . 3y ago One Sunday after service, a boy asked if the church had stained glass windows to keep people outside from seeing what goes on inside.
Fifty4FortyorFight . Зу ago I told my 6 year old son not to hit his sister. And he said to me What does it matter? There's no jail for 6 year olds.
gramoun-kal . 3y ago Edited Зу ago 5 year old: You should be scared. Why? There's a skeleton inside of you.
 . Зу ago My child came up to me one day and asked me if I knew they were watching us. I asked him who and he just repeated them. That creeped me out badly
 Зу ago Okay this is fucked up because I was verbally decimated by a 9 year old. ZERO comeback. I was hanging out in my friends garage and his daughter came out from the house, and told me that I looked just like her teacher. I responded, Man, Your teacher must be a very handsome guy! She responded Well no, She's pregnant. Are you Pregnant too? WTF! That was a perfect burn. ZERO comebacks. My friend was laughing his ass off.
InannasPocket 3y ago Asscrack of dawn, startled awake by a toddler hovering an inch over my face. Oh, is she going for a kiss? Nope. Mama, | want to eat your eyes?. When I declined, she elaborated reasons including: they're beautiful, I think they'd be goopy, and | bet they taste salty. Was then quite upset that | would not let her even have just a taste.
brunette_mermaid93 . Зу ago I'm pregnant and my 9 year old daughter asked how the baby got there. I tell her the mechanics of it. She asks a few questions and then says wait, does that mean S/O did that to you?! I said yeah. Wow, that's weird mom
tabascodinosaur . Зу ago I'm a UPS Driver and I had a kid ask me if I was the sheriff. I said no, and she begged me not to arrest her dad. It was funny and also quite strange.
 . 3y ago Momma, when you die, can I have your bones to make windchimes? Не was 4. I said sure lol.
ilovepizza668 Зу ago My mom talks about this story to this day. Apparently when | was 3 years old, | was sleeping in my parents' bed with them and barely learning how to talk. In the middle of the night, I must've talked in my sleep and I sat up, eyes still closed and said Where is the gun?. | was 3 and had no idea what a firearm was.
omguserius 3y ago Dated a girl one time. Get about a couple weeks into it, she opens up that she has a kid. Not really my bag, but I like her so... whatever, I'll give it a shot. Next date go to pick her up, kid is there, little 6 year old boy postures up and asks me Who the fuck are you? And that's the last time I saw her.
imnotaloneyouare . Зу ago When I had my middle child, I called the eldest at his grandparents to tell them that the baby was born. Не asked to tell him the story. I gave him an age appropriate version that mom's water had broken, we we went to the hospital and with the doctors help she came out. Не went silent for a minute then asked Why didn't you let me use my slingshot to break your water balloon?
nsmith0723 3y ago My nephew walk in on me going to the bathroom. Ask me if I had a weiner to and commenced trying to look. Like hell cant I get a little privacy, yes I do now go away jesus christ
Ok-Permit9000 . 3y ago Years ago I was trying to convince my husband to shave the mustache. My 4 YO: Mom why don't you have a mustache? ME: Girls don't have mustaches. 4YO: Your friend Lisa does.
_Thosearentpillows Зу ago Actual conversation: Kid: Cows are mammals and they make milk, right? Me: Yes Kid: Ice cream is made from milk, right? Me: Yup Kid: If walruses are mammals, too, how come we don't have walrus ice cream? Me:  ................
Complex-Ad3354 . 3y ago Is it possible to go to your belly and be born again? I want you to be my mommy this broke my heart. I'm (24f) nanny for this beautiful girl and her mom abounded family. | love her so much that I really wish to be her mom. (And no, I'm not into her dad)
buttbutt2000_ 3y ago | used to tutor kids with my roommate (M). One of the kids we tutored was 6, and this was the conversation with my roommate: Kid: Matt, are you a lesbian? Matt: no. Kid: so you like boys. We were dying.
FaithlessnessRare725 3y ago When my daughter was 5 and I was pregnant with my second child, my daughter asked me if I wanted a boy or a girl. I told her I didn't care as long as it was healthy. Then she asked me, So if it's not healthy you won't want it. I've never said that to anyone again.
m100896 . 3y ago Had a young kiddo in my family ask me why my eyes were so big. I don't know, those are just my eyes. She contemplates, then responds Well...you look like a bug.
SuvenPan . Зу ago My little nephew once asked me if he can sell his poop on eBay to get money for candy.
SupermanEchols . 3y ago I'm a guy and quite short, 5'4. One day I was teaching a pre-school class and one of the kids asked me if I was a full grown adult b/c looked a little squished.
DarthFuckShit . 3y ago Can you make the lady in my closet go away Well! Time to move!

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