12 Undecided ‘Voters’ Share Their Dream Candidate
Look, choosing who to vote for is important. It’s not like picking a filling at Chipotle. And it gets even harder when you refuse to engage with any issues and also have zero core beliefs! If only a perfect candidate existed, like the ones these indecisive folks wish for…
The Tallest Person in America
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“It’s about sending a message to the rest of the world.”
Sherlock Holmes
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“He seems like a pretty smart guy. I’d like to see him take on the mystery of the economy!”
A Kitten
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“People think my ‘CUTE KITTENS 2024’ is a wry jab at the state of the world. Not to me. I want a kitten to be president, and I’ve written in a different kind every year since I was 18. I think 2024’s issues would be well handled by an Exotic Shorthair.”
A Guy at A Coffee Shop He Saw Do A Sudoku Really Fast
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“And he did it in pen!”
One of Those Toy Dogs That Walks in Circles and Barks
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“A.I. is the future, and we should lead the world in adopting it.”
Hogarth
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“Hogarth was a friend I created in my mind when I was 12. He’s as tall as an elephant, and he’s been to space.”
A Return to Monarchy
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“I’m so tired of this two-party system. It’s time to unite under one divine ruler again, through whom the providence of God can guide.”
Spawn
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“It’s high time we had a Black president. And it should be Spawn.”
Mel Brooks
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“Now THAT guy’s funny!”
Konald J. Humpis
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“Science must have come far enough to combine the two candidates into one unsightly mass. But nobody wants to compromise anymore.”
Joe Rogan
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“He’s really thoughtful about the issues. You can tell because of how often he goes ‘hmm.’”
Pakarth, Spine-Ripper
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“Me wish Pakarth never fell in glory of battle, because he was good Warchief. Now me forced to choose between Gronod the Defiler, who lack of foreign policy experience make me afraid, and Bruudka Bloodbeard, who disastrous plan for economy based on disproved antiquated trickle-down treasure theory.”
