29 Funny Things Children Bragged About

‘I’m very difficult to kill’
29 Funny Things Children Bragged About

It’s important for children to start developing their confidence early on, so they don’t grow up to become pickup artists or Joe Rogan supporters. Which is why, when kids brag about their knowledge by saying things like, “I don’t need school because I can already name 10 dinosaurs,” it’s important to encourage them, and then scramble to remember as many dinosaurs as you can, so they don’t think you’re stupid. 

Redditors have recalled the funniest times they heard a child boast about something bizarre, including one girl who’s definitely able to count to a number you didn’t know existed.

sparksparksparkle 5y ago My 5 year-old son woke up with his voice hoarse from a cold. Me: oh, you've got a cold. Him, solemnly: no, I think i'm a man now. + 15K ...
Gatorphan e 5y ago My 7 y/o daughter didn't want our houseguests to go in her room because that might see her awards (good grades, tae kwon doe belts). She worried they would think she was famous. + 3.3K ...
jeanneeebeanneee 5y ago My son started 2nd grade this week. A couple of weeks ago the school sent out postcards with the date and time of the open house and his teacher's name. I asked him if he was excited to be in Mrs. So-and-so's class, and he said yes, but he's also worried. I asked what he was worried about and he said what if she falls in love with me and wants to marry me? I laughed and reassured him that he need not worry, since she's already married. + 35K ...
dark_star 5y ago e While leaving a family gathering, my cousin asked my little boy for a fist bump. My child refused, cousin said 'come on, why no fist bump?' My kid, 5 at the time, looks him straight in the eye and says 'I don't want to break every bone in your arm'. + 880 ...
DeathHopper . 5y ago . Edited 5y ago e When my son was 5, a waitress at Applebees asked him how old he was, to which he exclaimed, I'm 5 and I pooped today! I think everyone within 4 tables of us was very impressed.
rolllllllll__ 5y ago My nephew is 4 and thinks he's cooler than everyone else because he can tuck in his shirt by himself. + 23K ...
Ishnian 5y ago My son, 4 at the time, was (I guess) trying to impress the 6 year old neighbor girl. Не leaned casually on his arm and said, I have lots of accidents. Pee and poop accidents. I hope for his sake his pick up lines improve. + 28K ...
manlikerealities 5y ago . When I was an after school tutor for primary school kids, I excused a boy to the bathroom. Не came back telling me he made the 'biggest poo' in the world. Не intentionally didn't flush so that I could come look at it. I told him that was great, but it was art time. Не said his big poo was art. + 32K ...
estrogyn 5y ago When my son was about 5 we went to visit relatives in the Washington, DC area. We were on the Metro when my son eyed a very pretty professional young woman. I've got a lot of blocks, he told her. If you come to my room I'll show you. Then he made motorcycle noises for about 10 seconds. + 32K ...
 e 5y ago Edited 5y ago My toddler just threw her dinner on the floor, started clapping, yelled HOOOOOOORRRRRRRAAAAAYYYYY! as loudly as her little lungs could possibly allow, then looked right at me holding up her palm for a high five.
mikhela 5y ago Not a parent, but I teach swimming lessons. This one 5 year old first day of lessons was like, I'm not very good at kicking. So I said, That's okay. Nobody is perfect at everything. Dead serious he just goes, No, I'm perfect at everything. + 18K ...
VincenzoSS 5y ago D Sassy Niece after 1st day in school: I learned how to count to eleventy today, I bet you can't! Weird flex but... wait. I indeed cannot count to eleventy. + 16K ...
MetallHengst 5y ago I remember being about 6-8 and bragging to multiple strangers about how my older, redheaded and white sister (for context I was a little brown haired, brown eyed, brown skinned child) was my full blooded sister but had a different last name because I thought it was a cool fun fact about my family. Turns out she was a half-sibling and nobody told me until I was older. 12K ...
frankiesaypanic 5y ago Tonight my 3-year-old stopped midway up the stairs and turned slowly to me and said, Mom. Earlier. While you were out. I. Put. On. My. Pants. All. By. My. Self. . I have no idea why he emphasized every word, but then he smirked and turned and kept climbing the stairs. Big day. The kid is really going places. 11K ...
andante528 E 5y ago . Edited 5y ago There are lots of members of our family tree, and I'm probably the prettiest one, don't you think? - my daughter (to me), age 7 She is an identical twin, so kind of a weird flex.
LonelyPauper 5y ago . I'm 11 years older than my little brother and when he was 4 he went around the entire neighborhood and wrote his name on everyone's garage doors in really big letters with a permanent marker 10K ...
PraiseCthulu 5y ago While babysitting my cousin, she got really close to me and smelled like rotten eggs, so I asked her if she farted and she immediately replied no, that's my breaf. At least she's self aware. 10K ...
 5y ago My 8 year old son's doctor was trying to make him comfortable during an EKG by telling him he had to leave his ear with the doctor. They went back and forth for a while and finally the doctor said he would trade him the ear for a lollipop. My son said he would not give up his ear but wanted the lollipop. The doctor said, What! That is not a fair trade. What will you give me for the lollipop? My son answered dead serious, I get the lollipop and you get my respect. 10K ...
sweetxexile 5y ago Had an Amber Alert hit my phone one night while my then 6yo was playing a game on it. She asks what that was and I explained it's a message that gets sent out of a kid gets kidnapped. She looks at it again and sees it's for a town over two hours from where we live. She then asks me why they sent to if it's so far away. I said because they want everyone to look and find the kid, wouldn't you want everyone to look if you got kidnapped? They want to find the
Horrorgoreandlove 5y ago My 3.5 year old outside the other day...he was stabbing the ground with a stick, I asked, Whatcha up to, buddy? I'm digging holes for the ants to climb into, that's so sweet of me, mom. He's a nut. 9.4K ...
 9 5y ago My little boy is extremely proud of his ability to get the automatic soap foam dispenser to form a shaped form on his hand. 8.8K ...
PrincessOtterpop 5y ago When my brother was two or three he rolled down the car window to get the attention of the gas station attendant and shouted hey mister, I got a penis! Не had a mullet, if that helps paint a better picture. 7.8K ...
thisdragonis 5y ago . Edited 5y ago My kid (5) is obsessed with cars. Lives and breaths Motorsport. He's driving his go kart in the driveway and our neighbors yell over, wow You're amazing, kiddo! And kid yells back dead serious, I know- I'm a better driver than most of the grownups I know. He's honestly not wrong.
Wrathful_Man 5y ago e My daughter told me she is made out of love (which I have told her before) and that means she is invincible and so I can't hold her hand whilst she walks on the wall (which I have not told her)... + 2K ...
Action1988 5y ago e Edited 5y ago When my sister was younger she told her teacher that my dad was a clown. Не actually owns an autobody shop but I guess she thought he was a pretty funny. Apparently the parent/teacher conference was hilarious. Your daughter tells us you're a clown? What an...interesting career. + 15K ...
dark_star 5y ago While leaving a family gathering, my cousin asked my little boy for a fist bump. My child refused, cousin said 'come on, why no fist bump?' My kid, 5 at the time, looks him straight in the eye and says 'I don't want to break every bone in your arm'. 880 ...
ZephyrLegend 5y ago When I was young, my little sister nearly failed kindergarten: she didn't know the alphabet. In fact she didn't bother trying to learn it. When asked why she said: I don't need to learn my letters because I'm pretty. 780 ...
psychotrshman 5y ago e My wedding day. The ring bearer (5yo) is meeting one of my groomsmen (19yo) for the first time ever. Ring bearer walks up, is introduced and he responds by going I know where your nuts are. And, I'm the perfect height to just punch them! Then he just stood there.
theassholeofalabama . 5y ago . Edited 5y ago . My son told me he doesn't need school because he already knows the name of 10 dinosaurs. EDIT: For anyone who wants to know, my son's favorite dino is the Spinosaurus. + 46K ...

Tags:

Scroll down for the next article
Forgot Password?