34 of the Funniest Tweets from Friday, August 30, 2024

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34 of the Funniest Tweets from Friday, August 30, 2024

Jeff Goldblum is on a very particular kind of hot streak — and for once it has nothing to do with his appearance. The actor is portraying Zeus in Netflix’s newest comedy series Kaos, a contemporary reimagining of Greek mythology, which premiered to a 75 percent fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes, further shining up Goldblum’s acclaimed TV career, which has been certified fresh since his 1996 appearance on The Simpsons.  

Meanwhile, some of our favorite funny ladies are teaming up. Leslie Mann, Anna Faris, Isla Fisher and Michelle Buteau are all checking in for Spa Weekend, a comedy from the people who brought you Bad Moms and The Hangover. The film follows three best friends who think they’re getting some much needed R&R at a luxury spa in Palm Springs — until their chaotic friend shows up and everything devolves into madness. 

The timeline is taking us into a long weekend of our own R&R with some hilarious tweets to help us unwind. Today’s funniest include those about a grandmother who would like it to be oh-so-quiet, the credit-monitoring companies at odds with one another and the best comedy club near you.

Austine @theereal_one.2 23h ... not to be that guy but wheelchair users ain't starved for places to sit down .spooky.girl-cassi... 6/18/24 this is not pro-disabled. this is anti-homeless architecture disguised as disabled accommodation. do not be fooled. 402 17.7K 310K 7.6M
#1 Space Jam 2 Lover @Joshu... 14h ... Wendy's CHIN BUCKS DiscussingFilm @Discu... 23h 4F Wendy's will reportedly release a real-life Krabby Patty this Fall. ... 48 9,368 90.4K 2M
Punch Cat @PunchingCat.1 14h ... im pretty sure the cat wrote this MUNOT LOST SUCK OFF M NOT LOST FUCK OFF 39 7,522 79.3K 1.3M
rrrrrrocco @roccobunko.1 13h ... done going to the bar with 21 yr olds this dude just googled good drinks to order 73 366 9,337 183K
lesley. @lesley_mov.16h looks like a photo straight out of a brochure about bullying and its consequences bethany @fiImgal.16h why is this image so funny DUCK A 18 2,672 69.7K 1.1M
PAX WEST @codaan... .16h ... Coda SOON At Spirit Halloween. Dude HT INFLATABLE SKIBIDI TOILET TM INCLUDES: Inflatable Costume with Battery-Operated Fan, Hood (Batteries not included) STUDIOS Pol CHILD 7 D ONE FITS MOS SIZE - - TNL ENPIRE AFT 1.3M KONG Size Taille 41.5K L/G 3,328 411
roxy demento @falseroxy 12h when bart simpson puts the marshmallow into his cocoa and it absorbs all the cocoa and he cuts it into slices Molly Knox Ostertag -... 5/8/20 if you could eat one food from any animated movie, what would it be? mine is the eggs from Shrek 67 403 13.3K 804K
Cv @Cxvazquezz.16h ... Credit Karma: Congratulations! Experian: on what? 152 3,945 15.7K 419K
lily @swanlbs.20h I fucking hate that picture of einstein sticking his tongue out 268 3,977 65.9K del 1.5M
audrey @phlegmme. 1d LA is on a whole other level of search engine optimization N CURSON AVE IERRA BONITA AVE WILLOUGHBY A N FULLER AVE N POINSETTIA PL N STANLEY AVE Best Comedy Club Near Me Theater N FULLER AVE CLINTON ST CLINTON ST N PO RO SEWOOD AVE ROSEWOOD AVE 8 255 13.8K 191K
key @_kaptnkey 21h UE ERIA I'd kill myself if someone said I wasn't a real fucker FUTCH GAWD Follow ... @KrabsMckoy You barely air humping it you ain't no real fucker bro Lucky 777 Jackpots 777 @SeinfeldGaming.2d Fried rice so good I had to fuck it!!!!! 5:00 PM -8/27/24 3.2M Views 3.4K Reposts 40 Quotes 84K Likes 1.9K Bookmarks 5 804 22.9K 323K
leo @leonardcowalski - 1 16h leo @leonardcowalski Fake deep people love to say they want to talk about science shit like atoms. What kind of conversation are you gonna have about atoms, dumbass wow atoms are really tiny. fuck you 6:29 PM 08 Aug 18 del View post activity 10.8K Reposts 412 Quotes 46.6K Likes 238 Bookmarks Karun @karunpal.3d Introverts hate small talk. They wanna dive deep. Share your lessons. Your purpose. Your secrets. The stories of your spiritual journey.... 29 1,440 17.9K 353K
3peatPfizer @StanFritz.1 18h My dad worked 16 hours a day on minimum wage and had a secret apartment and family in the 90's. This economy is insane 840 21.4K 282K 8.6M
hazel in the pot @hazelinthepot 18h ... cis gay guy asked for my pronouns and i said she/her and he screamed OKAY WORKKKKK 45 647 28.3K 693K
lesbian mothman @verys... 18h ... trying to make an omelette i guess we doin scrambled now eggs ALT 10 573 9,913 241K
Lauren McKenzie @TheMcKenz... 1d ... Memory lane Martin Shkreli @martinshkr... 25m This commute is killing me 6 0 3 ... Lauren McKenzie . 3s ... @themckenziest.bsky.social Rooting hard for the commute 27 802 31.1K 383K
rosie @crookedcourses.20h acetaminopheminenomenon 103 10.7K 77.4K del 1.6M
Benjamin Breuer @BenjaMage 1d ... It's funny how Shrek's take on Puss in Boots was specifically based on Antonio Banderas's version of Zorro, and yet at this point, Banderas has voiced Puss in Boots far more times than he's played Zorro. 161 9,146 128K del 1.9M
CHICAGO TONY SNARK @Yamscasino. 1d ... If they banned root beer I would be in overalls making that shit in my bathtub TOMORROW 40 1,002 2,985 du 146K
Diabetic of Enlightenment @de... 1d ...  luckily all that stuff is random and fake 3 385 3,364 508K
sharonnnnn @sharonknya 20h ... Today is the kind of day where you finish work and thank God you don't have children, cos there's just no way 119 11.2K 59.8K del 1.6M
honey darling @athousandpisses.14 1d ... at the grocery store muttering gimme dat shit every time i put an item in my cart 27 3,404 39.8K del 728K
4th Quarter Player @abby5to7.16h ... Just got revenge on someone who wronged me 6 Years ago. Never be Relaxed ever. I'm coming 311 24.7K 125K 2.7M
fay @faylikesmilk.20h BUD IGH LETS HOPE THAT fingering IS THE NEXT PANDEMIC 63 7,152 63.7K 1.6M
s Enoch s @OddOblivion 15h Dinner's on me tonight babe. ARSTIC Feeding Repties For Zero SUGAR strawberries - Est 1 (258 mL) 12 FL OZ 1 LARGE FROZEN RAT Net Weight: 6.17 OZ 175 grams 95 3,514 38.7K 898K
gone fishin @huudrich - 14h don't come to my house asking for no pillow ball them jeans up 385 3,885 25.5K 792K
Micah Q @walkingwounded- 17h ... Why did my great grandma scream out loud in terror when Bjork accidentally came on shuffle.... 16 314 4,086 89.8K
:° yes im a libra Goo @upupand.... 1d ... had a deadline aeot Please let her work, she needs to finish her job. (she likes to yap) 365 23.8K 326K 11.6M
ronnie @neutronsciencee 1d ??? Kayvonكيوان @NINENAILSINCH TOTAL adidas forcing myself to sleep on my back because on my side or stomach i'll cave in and just dry hump the mattress for an hour 8:09 PM 8/28/24 From Earth 98 Views 6 Likes This post has been deleted. 194 5,348 75.2K 1.4M
thedoublegemini @t... 15h ... this bitch does cocaine don't play KNTXT Brock @brockomole.1 1d Need to drink 4 glasses of wine with her 49 2,165 49K 1.4M
LaVa @Meteor_Breaker 16h ... Whisper Now that we understand his tragic past, let's go remind him of it! cinesthetic. @TheCinest... 4d name THE hardest line in all of fiction. 115 9,078 74K 1.5M
paisley! @hampurrger 1d ... tw // getting a girls toy instead of a boys toy gyus im so upset ro ramdin @roramdin . 1d gonna start tweeting like a 6 year old 64 4,976 68.3K 896K
BROONO t @BROONOart.19h ... Yet again, anyone can wear the mask John Sonico @SonicoVt.2 2d BRO THE SPANISH VOICE FOR SHADOW IS VEGETA!!! WE WIN so SONIC3 HARD! - 55 5,971 78.3K 1.8M
frogg.ech A @ty_hotcommodity -2 20h ... They got yo ass huh NOvafromthedot @N0vaf... 20h People who have those voicemails that pretend like they're answering the phone and then pull a Ahhh Gotcha, leave a message are the least funny people in the world 6 284 1,521 56.9K

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