62 of the Funniest Burns from the Week of August 26, 2024

He’s so real for that
62 of the Funniest Burns from the Week of August 26, 2024

Another flop has been added to this year’s pile of cinematic stinkers. The recently released reimagining of the 1994 cult classic The Crow failed to soar in theaters, as Bill Skarsgård’s take on the character looked more like a failed SoundCloud rapper than antihero Eric Draven. 

Adding insult to injury, Alex Proyas, who directed the original film, took to Facebook to roast the reboot, saying he couldn’t even call it a “cynical cash-grab” because there was “not much cash to grab,” referring to the abysmal box office numbers. It is hard to determine who exactly this film was for, but one Twitter user said it’s the perfect movie for “every toxic couple fighting in McDonald’s dining rooms past 11 p.m.”

The soulless Crow reboot wasn’t the only thing feeling the sting this week, though. Other digital burn victims included the toy store mascot who’s seen some things, skinny UNO cards and the humanoid Angry Birds who love Costco.

Jo @Goldxn_Violin 4d You know you can just buy action figures @GothicHeros 5d The Spaceman We need these comebacks in #SecretWars GUIILLEGFX 55 1K 28K 440K
Darren Mooney @Darren_Mooney 3d What Hollywood should learn from this: more practical effects, sets and props; better cinematography, atmospheric sound design; hire visual stylists to work on your franchise films; What Hollywood probably will learn from this: CGI Marlon Brando to headline Godfather, Part VI. The Hollywood Handle @HollywoodHandle-4d 'ALIEN: ROMULUS' crossed $225M at the worldwide box office. The film had a $80M budget. 1.5K 114 16K 463K
beer person @CantEverDie• 2d you have to eat this in 30 minutes or you can't graduate high school in wisconsin noah @kayvonbanks25.3d With 100k on the line can и clean this plate in an hour? Culver's E WELCOME To DELICIOUS Culver's HE NEED. CULVERS.COM 3H0313M SOO Culver's 220 2.3K 45K 1.6M
dani @wegontouchugang 2d ... god the men u put on this earth to hunt and provide are saying this My dad had a jacket yayy yippee!! a massive mothertude 9.0 cuntquake i fear 370 9.3K 191K 3.1M
Person108 @PersonthePerso2.2d Sonic fans are really underestimating the power of middle aged white women UOO HANDLE The Hollywood Handle @HollywoodHandle-2d 'MUFASA: THE LION KING' and 'SONIC 3' are still both set to release in theaters on the same day, December 20. Which one will you be watching first? 357 1.6K 33K 937K
tannertan36 @tannertan36.2d His crazy ass probably boiling people to make fossil fuel @PopBase 2d Pop Base Armie Hammer reveals he's selling his truck because he can't afford gas anymore. of 1:06 148 3.7K 77K del 2.7M
zephyr @zephyrmetalwing.2d Rhysy @rhysss_ 3d sometimes you're not breaking gender norms, your outfit is just awful 1.4K 54K 682K 17M
wengel @wengelll. 2d oh so its a horror film ? FILM UPDATES Film Updates @FilmUpdates 2d Sophie Brooks' indie comedy 'OH, HI!' is set to begin production this month. It centers on Iris (Molly Gordon) and Isaac (Logan Lerman), whose first weekend away as a couple is going so well-until Isaac mentions he didn't know they were a couple. 8 486 15K 502K
Ash Parrish @adashtra 3d They are going to kill the hell out of this poor girl and you will be able to hear the moment they do it from fucking space ТАНКО @TAHKO.3d I can hear the cheering now 100 8K 87K 1.6M
New Roland High Life song out 9/13! @rolandhig... 3d ... She just described everyone from Eastern Massachusetts. Page Six @PageSix . 6 6d Page Six 'Ben has a darkness to him that no other person can fix': Jennifer Lopez source slams Affleck trib.al/hJoN5kf 71 456 5.9K 455K
Delete MY Account @HamHock42. 3d I cannot stress this enough-this is the first and only time that you should pay the $47 for event insurance Liam Gallagher @liamgallagher.3d This is it, this is happening Tickets on sale this Saturday 31st August ( 8AM IST / 9AM BST) Dates: Cardiff Principality Stadium - 4th/5th July Manchester Heaton Park - 11th/12th/19th/20th July London Wembley Stadium - 25th/26th July & 2nd/3rd August Edinburgh Scottish Gas Show more 112 4.2K 65K 3M
Gmail @gmail 3d M Hey so this is insane Matt Turck @mattturck-8/20/24 Excited to reach 100k on Gmail, thanks everyone for the support on my creator journey 465 100,000 TUE 20 Settings Messages Gmail Calendar 10 11 7 12 6 1 5 2 4 3 Bw 9 E Mic 8 M WSJ Camera Weather Clock Newsstand 485 9.6K 202K 6.8M
Midge @mxmclain.2d ... We will use anything but the metric system VIRGINIA 3 MILFS 4 MINUTES FROMEN MARI recie 180 3.9K 58K 1.6M
Honey @rawmilkhoney 2d Men be like well have you ever considered giving the fat, broke, stinky smelly loser who doesn't brush his hair or teeth a chance? 1.1K 8.8K 124K 4.2M
@THFC_L14M.3d ... Blurring out his details like we have something to take from him alf @AlfieBCFC15.3d oasis are back BANK A/C £4.23 16 519 32K 904K
Ray Bradshaw @comedyray . 3d Taylor Swift did a presale only for fans who bought her last album. Oasis are doing the same but instead of buying an album you need to prove you haven't spoken to your brother in 5 years. 125 2.3K 42K 1.4M
taurus supreme @jaxajueny.2 2d You ever see a tweet so disgusting it ruins your day The barb @thebarbieej. 3d im this type of gf my food on u? or i gotta go get it myself? chime JUDITH LIVIO DEBIT VISA add it to your apple pay 189 8.7K 4.1M 123K
rj @vansfacee. 2d ... this is probably what chevy chase sees in his nightmares Schlenfackets Yellowjackets SH @yellowjackets96 - 3d Welcome to the hive, @joelmchale 62 3.5K 48K 1.6M
Person108 @PersonthePerso2 . 4d We live in a timeline where a big Hollywood actor decided they would rather play Shadow the Hedgehog than be in a Star Wars project It's very wild to think about DF DiscussingFilm @DiscussingFilm 5d Keanu Reeves almost played Master Sol in 'THE ACOLYTE' but couldn't due to scheduling conflicts. Lucasfilm is very interested in casting Reeves in a different Star Wars project. (Source: theinsneider.com/p/acolyte-canc...) 459 6.6K 85K the 2.3M
m @mflawedddd.2d bi AND vers ...? have u ever had to make a decision like damn 384 7.4K 64K 2.8M
ebz @keystodabakery - 4d ... Pls delete this before some lounge in ATL adds it to the appetizer menu for $22 Titti Hedren @CreoleBbyBritt.4d I think this is where I draw the line any 39 2.5K 28K 758K
Tyler Calvert @ItsTylerCalvert 4d Lionsgate releasing Borderlands and The Crow back to back 0:02 DF DiscussingFilm @DiscussingFilm . 5d 'THE CROW' opens with $4.6M domestically. Budget was $50M.... 109 7.6K 79K 2.3M
TroyMurphysCousin @wasblindnowIC.2d This mfer does not understand headlights Mordecai @MenschOhneMusil - 2d Pia Valentinis. 433 18K 469K 9.4M
yalitza apariciosus @dunevillenuve 21h for noncinephiles this is like if they started throwing tomatoes FILM UPDATES Film Updates @FilmUpdates 1d 'BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE' received a 4 minute-plus standing ovation at the Venice Film Festival. 47 1.3K 48K 1.4M
Tim Popp, Six, Squish, Uh uh... @popphits 16h Monica and Phoebe when they finally revive friends in 2040. ORN 6 110 1.7K 57K
kathleen @holdenfordfocus 17h JCKWKCKSKCKSKD???? 7 HANDLE The Hollywood Handle @HollywoodHandle - 1d 'THE CROW' original director on the new remake: Wow. The reviews are brutal. I thought the remake was a cynical cash-grab. Not much cash to grab it seems. T GO NT G 3 388 12K 299K
yana @Madame_Ennui -1 1d this is exactly how my 65 year old aunt in a village of northern moldova dresses when she goes out to feed her chickens in the morning Andrea D. Huberwoman, Ph.D. 8/6/24 When I say I want to be a tradwife, this is what I mean. 127 2.2K 66K 1.5M
Varun Khurana V @varunkhurana99 23h Cursor engineers are coming for our jobs Yesterday 10:52 dude i just downloaded Cursor. anyone can be an engineer now. Today 2:02 haha, yea maybe.. i literally built something in minutes. show me Read 2:34 http://localhost:3000/ iMessage Cash 307 1.8K 31K 1.8M
erin @ratsnotagain 14h I've always wanted to eat ballistics gel thank you for the tip. D @D_Radiance.1 1d UM ok i just discovered the best high protein low cal 0 sugar dessert snack... which basically involves making jelly with gelatin and ur fave protein water mix.... shook? and it tastes amazing - DRINK from welger BULK NUTRIENTS PURE SUPPLEMENTS PROTEIN WATER COLLAGES FREE A MUNTHALION 10 less RCAD 750G Expires - IMPERATED ORANGE MATCH case: 314872406 NEXT REPORT 24/06/24 AUSSIE OWNED & OPERATED M'KENZIE'S 170 SINCE 1994 Gelatine adidas Powder GETTING 100g AGENT NET 485K 14K 525 25
holly 3: @hollyrogerbay 21h 2001 is still so fucking funny to me he saw the planes hit first hand. he was there Old Internet @OldInternetFeel 1d toys r us giraffe evolution 1988 1965 1975 1999 2001 2007 297 23K 332K 6.5M
hunter harris @hunteryharris 16h she should be getting off work early then Pop Base @PopBase 23h Camila Cabello sings 'Espresso' by Sabrina Carpenter in a new video. CAPITAL I'M WORKING LATE 'CAUSE I'M А... SINGER 0:11 144 3.4K 70K 3M
Sam Morril @sammorril 1d SAM TORRIL She looks at her 7th bedroom, Ben used to hide here. YOU TECHA NGER a NEW YORK New York Post POST @nypost.1 1d Jennifer Lopez isn't comfortable living in $68M mansion she shared with Ben Affleck: 'Too many memories' trib.al/q8MB8zp THISTS Minity Body VISION 410 16K 256K 9M
А.А. Ron @AaronTheH.- 1d That the show COUGAR TOWN lasted longer than the Confederacy. Renki @Renki1x . : 3d What's the first thing you think of when you see this flag? 23 261 5.5K 219K
maggie ge @slutvftv.1d ... and WHO baby!! + 256.7K 3,125 comments x shuah Travis! Barry! Louis! and.... Anxiety? 1d Reply 51.6K 484 12K 212K 3M
ERIK INCARNATE @bikenesmith . 1d ... xmen romance storylines YOUR MAN USED TO EAT MY ASS I KNOW. I WAS HOLDING THE CAMERA, REMEMBER? RIGHT, RIGHT. I FORGOT, SORRY. MY MEMORY'S NOT BEEN THE SAME SINCE THE ACCIDENT IT'S OKAY, GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT TO THE WEDDING 47 6.1K 88K 1.3M
Stefanya @1aquelois 2d Mr. Big Ajiputapario100 @ajiputapario100 0.4d El de 45 años que todavía no quiere nada serio... 147 2.8K 48K 1.5M
shawn @shawnplup 2d He's not very good at drinking water FILM UPDATES Film Updates @FilmUpdates • 3 3d Jeremy Allen White for Calvin Klein. 0:03 7.9K 221K 6.7M 195
i make beats t @DonDadaNYC. 1d ... why these Uno cards on ozempic 1 1 1 8 1 8 8 211 4.8K 127K the 2.2M
kie @criminalplaza 1d do u promise? @PopBase 3d Pop Base A sequel to 'It Ends With Us' is in doubt due to Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni's alleged feud, Variety reports: There's probably no world where these two will work together again. BLAKE LIVELY WE LOVE. WE BREAK. WE PICK UP THE PIECES IT ENDS WITH US BASED ON THE GLOBAL BEST-SELLING PHENOMENON 25 1.6K 69K 1.9M
155sillypeter @scoot9186.2d E they look like if you turned the angry birds human NOT e I 107 2.2K 57K 8.9M
o @acquaintf8.2d | miss her so bad AVA MAX HEAVEN & HELL Salt open.spotify.com someone has to 45 631 18K 445K
sadgayboi @sadgayboi.13h ....ok? Emmanuel Fourès @MrFour....1 1d After worked 3 years for Aesop and spent 3 months in Japan, this is what my kitchen drawer looks like 36 359 25.7K 552K
@notahorror.1 1d megn how i look at bro while he's googling the thing i know im right about 1904 SOCRAE DIGIST way B 143 20.5K 229K 4.5M
J. @SingularJem 15h Sabrina Carpenter just reminds me of my Amy Sedaris calendar September 2024 July 2024 August 2024 13 277 6,804 176K
Stephen Gibbons @Gibboan... 1d ... I'm going to spend the rest of the day admiring this piece of Hugh Grant fan art. 328 429 6,155 306K
sakinah kamillah da nail tech 1d ... It ain't have to be biblically accurate TH ToonHive @ToonHive.2 2d First look at Dr. Doofenshmirtz from 'Phineas and Ferb' at the Disney California Adventure Park. 28 3,653 64.8K 1.1M
Tommy Stella - MUSTN'T TELL... 1d ... Imagine ordering donuts so poorly that they start trying to replace you with the brain worms guy Benny Johnson SHOW Follow @bennyjohnson This is the 2024 ticket. 4:47 PM 8/23/24 From Earth 1.3M Views 1.9K Reposts 240 Quotes 28K Likes 229 Bookmarks 278 3,067 45.9K 1M
م و abbie @mattysbff.1 1d i think about this every day SPIN: Did you hear what Matty Healy of the 1975 said about Oasis a few months ago? Noel Gallagher: Oh, that fucking slack-jawed fuckwit. What did he say? Among other things, he said, Can you imagine being in potentially-right now, still- the coolest band in the world, and not doing it because you're in a mard with your brother? Не would never be able to imagine it. Не needs to go over how shit his band is and split up. 42 2,664 47.8K 1.8M
anum @anumunaa 1d okay this is becoming kinda fun Joined September 2022 14 Followers Today If I buy u a toy will you send me a vid of u using it? 10:01AM You accepted the request If I buy u a gun will you send me a vid of you shooting urself 10:03AM -Sent 178 3,441 60K 813K
helen @helen 15h they look drawn from memory 13 28 851 34.5K
serena shahidi @glamdemon2... 15h ... I get kind of sad when I see people trying really hard to become an influencer. It's not supposed to be a goal you work toward, it's supposed to be a karmic punishment outside of your control 3 323 6,972 del 122K
Nikki @TheNikkiRosa.20h Asked my coworker what's wrong & he said I'm tired of faking that I like you guys & honestly? Mood. 261 16.6K 122K 2.9M
L.L. Human Clickbait @human... 15h ... Just laughed so hard I cried because I just started the 2nd most popular show on Netflix called the accident and they spend 20 mins building up to the tragic event which is that at a kids birthday party it got really windy and a bounce house full of kids flew away 263 2,179 72.2K 3.5M
gm @graceyrself - 1d ... In my dictatorship as soon as you make a post like this about your partner you're off to jail permanently @onejoblessboy @OneJo... 1d LOYAL! For over ten years all she got from me was pain, tears, and heartbreaks. But she never gave up on me Solidstar celebrates his wife. 149 7,194 38.7K 1.2M
ICE T @FINALLEVEL 18h GR AWARI That sounds Dope... F John Wayne. Gary Peterson @Ga... 18h Replying to @FINALLEVEL Woke means tearing down my John Wayne statues and forcing me to erect a Spider-Man fountain that sprays gay beer on my lawn that turns it into astroturf. 622 6,003 57.2K 2.2M
thisissorandom @shawrizz . 1d ... This is what I would tweet to let y'all know I'm in danger Nonzi @nonziiiiiii - 1 1d I just hand washed a man's clothes I don't even hand wash mine. Someone save me eiiiiiiiiiii 28 7,657 45.3K 1.2M
Richy Craven @RichyCraven1d ... Every time I've gone to the pharmacy for a prescription it feels like it's the first day for everyone who works there and also for the concept of a pharmacy. 472 5,303 101K 3.6M
Kasey @bastylefilegirl . 1 1d Disguised is doing HEAVY lifting ABC7 News MAY AREA @abc7news... . 1d Customs officers in California seize $5M worth of methamphetamine disguised as watermelons abc7ne.ws/3YWLI8B U.S CUSTOMS AND BORDER curity oogo $5M WORTH OF METH DISGUISED AS WATERMELONS abc abc7.com 112 10K 134K del 2.8M
Greta @GretaGrace20.19h BREAKING: Marjorie Taylor Greene is thinking Rhonda McMillan... 22h BREAKING: Marjorie Taylor Greene is thinking about leaving Congress 3,373 6,111 125K del 2.2M
peter @arabatman_.1d ... they should let you leave work early if the vibes are off and you hate it there 93 13.8K 121K 2.9M
lissy @xanaxxcereal. 1d ... my polyamorous coworker has three girlfriends with not a license between them 79 809 34.3K 684K
Emily Murnane @emily_murnane. 1d ... Oh I just know her thoughts on vaccines are CRAZY Ay'denn Ella'noä Lilly'maë Elyah'nor Noéz'lou Log'hann Brenn'ley Billy'jane #momlife 1,036 6,123 127K 8.5M

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