38 of the Funniest Tweets from Monday, August 26, 2024

Release me from the shackles of the wash cycle
38 of the Funniest Tweets from Monday, August 26, 2024

A few weeks ago, Disney teased what Andy and Bonnie’s toys will be up against in Toy Story 5, but there’s one very famous fan of the series who no longer has interest in Woody and the rest of the gang. Quentin Tarantino returned to Club Random with Bill Maher and called Toy Story 3 one of the best movies he’s ever seen, arguing that director Lee Unkrich and company concluded the trilogy perfectly, leaving the Pulp Fiction auteur with “no desire” to watch the 2019 follow-up or any subsequent installments.

Speaking of franchises that won’t die, Bill Lawrence’s very loud whispers of returning to the pitch for another season of Ted Lasso look like they’re about to become official word. Over the weekend, Deadline reported that Warner Bros. Television picked up options for three original members of the motley crew, including Hannah Waddingham, Brett Goldstein and Jeremy Swift. The studio’s next play for reviving the Emmy-winning comedy is to structure new deals for Jason Sudeikis, Brendan Hunt and Juno Temple. Phil Dunster, however, likely won’t be returning, as the actor is currently preoccupied with two other projects.

Thankfully, the timeline has no intentions of recycling old material. Today’s funniest tweets include those about a workout fit for a savior, a familiar Frasier plot and a political dog.

Dokino @dokinoart. 1d ... Someone is terrorizing our neighborhood with insane offensive graffiti. Families live here, this is ridiculous! 32 3,882 43.8K 384K
az @FIVESTARBITCH-1d a guy i went to high school with AUG 8 AT 10:09 PM Can I move in with you? 2:42 PM Please 68 495 28.8K 756K
@RICKYRAGE.22h someone at the gay club last night messed up on the choreography of hot to go and i saw them take them out back and heard gunshots 3 783 18K 411K
please be nice to patrick @ruf... 17h ... Visiting Italy so beautiful. Such a different way of life vs America target COSTCC WHOLESAU - ONLY MONTE und 239 1,942 62.4K 1.2M

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k (top 99% on OF) @how_do_j_pdf-1d iMessage Yesterday 9:08 PM Send me that Ted Cruz dog Delivered 3 192 4,709 71.8K
sakinah kamillah da nail tech 1d ... It ain't have to be biblically accurate TH ToonHive @ToonHive.2 2d First look at Dr. Doofenshmirtz from 'Phineas and Ferb' at the Disney California Adventure Park. 28 3,653 64.8K 1.1M
G schizotearZzZ @crybabybuick- 1d Doing this with my bush #Drama Alert DramaAlert @DramaAlert - 1d Barbers need to start saying no... 43 84K 4.3K 2.5M
EasyLove @BIGMAMA_Q. 14h EasyLove @BIGMAMA_Q·1 14h My sandal just broke at my dad house. Yall won't believe what shoes he gave me to put on 398 2.1K 17K 759K
Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau.20h It's actually fine to say it once you just can't do it three times. Sophia_Nyx @Sophia_Nyx. 1d without saying beetlejuice, fav michael keaton film? 24 1.3K 35K del 721K
Graham @GrahamC47 16h they should keep mapping out bazinga sheldon's family tree until it's more detailed and fleshed out than any lineage jrr tolkein ever dreamed of CBS ORIGINAL GEORGIE & MANDY'S FIRST MARRIAGE 20 285 4.9K 80K
Marshall Scott @Marshall_Scott. dd Doing the Jesus workout; gettin wine drunk and walking 12 miles in sandals 23 1K 15K 512K
- S IL - 10 IE D LOVE buth's hole @warm_hole 1d ... LUIS TAID STAND 10 C 19 of AN IN LOVE JL LONE FEEL that OT A 100 H DE PANING OIT OLT TET ESIDE OF DE - LOT + I'M SET OF Sorry for being a bitch earlier > It's all good. 8 48 Favorites Keypad Voicemail Recents 3 134 2.2K 30K
t. @taeseru 12h asked where the oysters were from and the waitress said the sea. never change, atlanta 24 653 9.9K 168K
IntellectualDorkWeb @Int... 20h ... I hope I see a cosplay like this at Dragon Con this year. MUS RUS 71 1,212 14.1K 306K
Ed @badguy186.2d Katy Perry if she was a twink matt @mattxiv.2d the modern heterosexual couple 109 4,152 110K 2.4M
Emily Murnane @emily_murnane. 1d ... Oh I just know her thoughts on vaccines are CRAZY Ay'denn Ella'noä Lilly'maë Elyah'nor Noéz'lou Log'hann Brenn'ley Billy'jane #momlife 1,036 6,123 127K 8.5M
H.K @HKesvani 1d My wife has beaten me in the battle of ideas M Got a good piece of plywood from the dump 14:33 42 14:34 For what? 14:35 1:13 129 832 31.2K 597K
Molly Wadzeck Kraus @MWadz... 1d ... 3 yr old: At my next birthday will I go back to normal? Will I get littler again? Me: no honey. Each birthday you get bigger. You'll continue to grow. Isn't that cool?! 3 yr old: starts sobbing. 115 3,045 80.1K del 1M
@rorschachisgay 1d i love second hand bookstores that are laid out in a way that's actively hostile 180 3,853 49.9K del 1.1M
oily footjob pls @vt1nz. 1d Lo Beezy ... Apr 1 Im so high just stood in the mirror & watched myself eat 3 lil bags of chips Like Comment Share Niyahh Mcclain and 20K others 40,545 shares Most relevant V View previous comments... 306 3,185 30.1K 941K
chris @bleachy_chris 1d ... Lois Griffin: Lily Allen @lilyallen 1d Also thank you to @peta for adding fuel to the fire. Very responsible of you. 32 3,613 51.1K 2.2M
Zach @zjfrank13.1 1d ... Something so sexy and mysterious about responding I was raised Catholic when somebody asks if I'm religious instead of just saying no 103 7,488 62K 2.2M
Stephen Gibbons @Gibboan... 1d ... I'm going to spend the rest of the day admiring this piece of Hugh Grant fan art. 328 429 6,155 306K
donna brunswick E. 3 @liIp... . 22h ... showing old french people how to make s'mores and when the graham cracker went on top they said sandwich !! 37 1,721 49.2K del 777K
Goo @TINTADEG 23h how it feels to recognize a sample 115 18.7K 121K 1.5M
sadgayboi @sadgayboi.13h ....ok? Emmanuel Fourès @MrFour....1 1d After worked 3 years for Aesop and spent 3 months in Japan, this is what my kitchen drawer looks like 36 359 25.7K 552K
duck @ExtremeBlitz_.22h Tokyo when all 2 of your friends are busy 149 14.4K 112K 3.2M
Matt Baume @MattBaume 3h ... Could you narrow it down just a bit more Frasier: Frasier's din- F N ner party goes awry. (г) PG TV (CC) $ World's Moot Shookind 88 964 10.1K del 290K
josh b @y0cuando.2 21h josh b @y0cuando.2 21h I love when countries have capital cities that sound like the country name e.g. Tunis Tunisia, Algiers Algeria, Tehran Iran, Brasilia Brazil...I find it very satisfying...very chic 82 705 18K 294K الله DYLAN Follow @dylanhatesyouu London...united kongdon 11:04 2024-08-25 From Earth 1.5K Views 1 252 5,908 95.8K
Meg @megannn_lynne. 5h ... something deeply comforting to me about rest-stops.....everyone in their travel outfits of socks & sandals, big t- shirts, sweatpants in 90 degree weather....nutritional rules suspended as you grab cheez-its & trail mix & pop....cinnabon smell...a liminal space free from shame.... 11 833 10.1K 144K
SWZ © tor @swoozydolphin 1d ... life b cool for 45 minutes then its weeks of nothing but facing The Void 19 5,112 26.8K del 471K
Renée @AmarRenee 20h Waiting for your laundry to finish before you go to bed feels like prison 12 4,311 31K 553K
@notahorror.1 1d megn how i look at bro while he's googling the thing i know im right about 1904 SOCRAE DIGIST way B 143 20.5K 229K 4.5M
yash @dildoswagginzs• 1d ... me: give it to me straight doc doctor: you have seven months to live me: give it to me gay doc doctor: it's giving seven months 94 9,493 148K 2.6M
Louise! @themouseyouknow- 1d ... Babe what's wrong? You haven't taken a seat on the rouch yet 328 7,914 84.9K 2M
J. @SingularJem 15h Sabrina Carpenter just reminds me of my Amy Sedaris calendar September 2024 July 2024 August 2024 13 277 6,804 176K
Tater Tots McGee @tatertotsc... 22h ... Extremely frightening shit, and I'm not being funny. Janie Danger stream EAST.... 1d I have always wondered what's goin on here Seattle Spokana Olympia WASHINGTON MONTANA Helena Portland Salem OREGON IDAHO Boise WYOMING Cheyenne WWIFREEWORLDMAPS.NET 2,534 14.6K 290K 41.9M
jonah @earthisacage.1 1d i love talking about movies...i love saying i haven't seen that one...but it's on my list 101 15.6K 89.6K 2.7M

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