36 of the Funniest Tweets from Monday, July 1, 2024

It’s really just saying ‘Devour me’
36 of the Funniest Tweets from Monday, July 1, 2024

Eddie Murphy is spilling tea straight from “the greatest actor of all time.” During an appearance on the New York Times podcast The Interview, the comedian shared a conversation he had with the late Marlon Brando. The Godfather actor invited Murphy to his house for dinner back in 1982 and went on and on about one particular actor he was no fan of. “I can’t stand that kid with the gun,” he told Murphy.

The kid in question? None other than The Good, the Bad and the Ugly’s Clint Eastwood. The Beverly Hills Cop actor didn’t divulge why Brando was so anti-Eastwood, though, as he was simply honored to be spending time with “famous people that (he) grew up watching on television.” 

Speaking of beef, The Bear’s Abby Elliott knows how many of you feel about the show being “miscategorized” as a comedy and doesn’t agree one bit. While pundits and fans constantly campaign for the 30-minute show to be considered a drama during awards seasons, the former Saturday Night Live cast member told the New York Times that FX’s hit show is “just like real life.” She went on to explain that “a lot of people find comedy in the darkness and the stress.” Considering how dark and stressful the show is this season in particular, by Elliott’s logic that also makes it really, really funny. 

Although the Pride-inspired rainbow profile pictures are fading away from the timeline as July begins, the humor is staying put. Today’s funniest tweets include those about the algorithm actively working to torment you, the worst way to get blown and the job that A.I. could never steal.

ash! @spaceashes 1d photographed by WHO cinesthetic. @TheCinesthetic 1d Carrie Fisher photographed by Brian Griffin on the set of Return Of The Jedi, 1982 82 4.7K 88K 2.3M
ham @HXRDWIRED.1 1d to smithereens has to be the worst way to get blown. 236 15K 155K 3.6M
faith @girlcel_. 1d ... conservative housefly, whose lifespan is like 15 days: things were better 22 minutes ago. before wokeness. 35 2.5K 44K del 532K
wyatt dunkin @WyattDuncan 1d ... hoodie designers and steering wheel cover manufacturers when betty boop hits public domain in 2 years BMU 25 4.7K 76K 1M
Siraj Hashmi @SirajAHashmi 1d ... Corporations on July 1st INES LATER HOMO H. sapiens (modern huma H. antecessor ctus Ulfloraciones 68 7.5K 102K 4M
river @kissmeriver. 21h Sims 4: Bushwick POP CRAVE Pop Crave @PopCrave 1d The Sims 4 is introducing polyamory into the game with the 'Lovestruck' expansion pack: You can now define how your Sims approach romantic relationships in terms of physical and emotional romantic exclusivity. This allows for Sims to date multiple Sims without impact to other Show more 5 42 392 19K
Thah Mazikode @MazikodeThah 1d Me when I look at my bank balance: I في I AZ AL di 58 10K 44K del 1M
@cryst6l . 20h july 1st tingz 183 19K 206K 4.8M
Demon Realms @Demon_Realms. dd This video would be 72 hours long for me. Discourse washes over me like a smooth river stone my wheelhouse @mywheelhouseftw.-dd 0:08 O AR T logging into twitter. the video ends when i get mad T1J 4K 3.7K views 6 hours ago 1.6K 36K 1 789K 41
erika @yeeeerika 1d ... this is what july is going to feel like Five the ANIMAL Kermt 1 31 151 del 5.6K
peter @arabatman_ . 2d ... twitter be like for you and it's the worst tweet you've ever seen 28 631 4.2K 92K
vona. @vonasterrors.2 21h ... ppl only like U bc ur kind Imfao. U literally only have friends bc ur a fun person to be around lol 111 5.2K 49K del 1M
3gio @gioobrat . 15h love that being tied up is a fetish, like okay shoe 84 4.5K 52K du 1.5M
bunny rei @daisyboness. 1d ... saw oomf at michael's SPECIAL WES - --- SPORT ROM - - $1999 06748054 - 00740054 / - - - ASM ROM WEB CM SPIDER $10.99 258 5.5K 58K 1.5M
via @atrophicbtrfly.19h ... lovebombing works on me because i totally believe someone would fall in love with me in a month 104 7K 37K 845K
The Stump Grinder @DerbyCityDerek - 1 1d ... It's the last day of pride month so you know what that means: schmox @IvoryGazelle e 10/5/17 see you in hell you stupid fruit 9 5.2K 35K 637K
shell @Shellerina_. 1d ... What if instead of a nervous system we just had a really chill system 29 7.1K 46K 684K
@sapphiscs 1d ... honeypudding freshly baked warm bread and lesbianism. thats what its all about baby 3 1.4K 9.2K 147K
nay (dino) @Lilblack_heart.2d girls will be like i i have so much to do then grabs some snacks and starts watching a 10 part docuseries on serial killers. 33 551 4.1K 122K
Dan D @DanDeBrak 12h ... happy july 1st to all who celebrate straight is great 26 5.2K 36K 764K
cameron burger @slameronburger 22h ... texting at work texting when I'm off 123RF 4 2.7K 32K 485K
+ -- @222astroboy 15h ... lol i i have to stop flirting ive been taken out to watch inside out 2 three times this week 21 39 1.7K 58K
halo @pIain_tofu -2 21h ... Omg.....it smells so bad!! + Crispy Stinky Tofu Omg....It smells so bad!! $9.00 + 5 284 8.7K 156K
kenji @gomenstruation . dd Al is coming for your jobs I'd like to see AI steal catalytic converters 204 10K 114K 2.9M
ely kreimendahl @ElyKreimendahl.4h ... well my mom thinks I should message Lorne Michaels on LinkedIn, so # US ELECTION ALJAZEERA Biden's family tells him to stay in US presidential race 6 33 969 26K
ri @rielfication - 3h waiting for pride month to end to show bloody men in skirts is crazy FILM UPDATES Film Updates @FilmUpdates 4h Paul Mescal and Pedro Pascal in 'GLADIATOR 2' FIRST VANITYFAIR LOOK 12 620 8.5K 117K
magnolia iv @nedstcnnis 1d ... white people after saying wallahi 64K 2M 142 5K
? @soymeii. 1 18h ... when i went to my notes to find my password but accidentally opened the most gut-wrenching, emotionally charged paragraph i i had written months ago 42 6.7K 20K 495K
meowski @sugarrrbabii - 1d ... who got a pool i miss you 14 990 3.5K del 117K
Chambraigne Socialist @bombsfall.1 11h WE AN STILL ALIVE most hills are silent. not that weird. 20 304 2K 37K
SomeoneWhoExists (Grassy Fan) @ExistingSom... 1d ... The fuck Kazakh khanate :3 E 12:18 pm thanks for the head mr fries WAIT NO THAT SOUNDS HORRIBLE 12:20 pm WOKE ari 72 6K 72K del 605K
jamie @JamieMolden . 1d Me:*literally wrapping up my client's fresh tattoo* Client: so what's the policy on going into lakes? Me: don't Client: I'm flying to Lake Michigan tomorrow and I will be going into the lake Very sick very cool 250 1.6K 72K 2M
Richard @gamray 1d Went to Greggs for a bacon and sausage baguette and they'd run out of bacon to he gave me four hundred sausages instead (there's another four loose ones in the bag) peaid هنده HOT 157 17K 727K 295
evan loves worf @esjesjesj 16h ... People will look back on this in 20 years when it's 90 degrees in April and Miami had been evacuated and say yes this was worth it torn @tornagraphy. 1d LUMA TikTok @ edit.demon11 GOONING is U 0:17 6 122 1.4K 46K
Samplo Corvodina @TreborRhurbarb - 17h ... No way в в с PC Printer Devon and Cornwall Police 40 295 5.5K del 218K
jewish ethel cain @jewishethelcain1 14h I saw someone today at pride with a tattoo dividing their entire body with dashed lines and the labels for each cut of meat and oh my god 25 591 8.2K 179K


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