45 of the Funniest Tweets from the Week of May 27, 2024

Costco is our nation’s true capital
45 of the Funniest Tweets from the Week of May 27, 2024

We may have had a shorter workweek, but a number of prominent comedians still found the time to make a lot of news. In particular: Sarah Silverman revealed why she stopped doing her most popular character, Pete Davidson received the exact opposite of a standing ovation and Deborah Vance got another season’s worth of jokes from Max.

Meanwhile, Variety announced its lineup for Season 20 of Actors on Actors for what co-editor-in-chief Ramin Setoodeh describes as some of their “favorite conversations to date.” The comedy slate includes Abbott Elementary’s Quinta Brunson and Tyler James Williams sitting down with Jennifer Aniston and Anthony Mackie respectively; a Bridesmaid’s reunion for Jon Hamm and Kristen Wiig; and a chat between comedy’s latest darlings Hannah Einbinder and Chloe Fineman. The funniest pairing, however, might just be Kim Kardashian and Chloë Sevigny. Both women were featured in Ryan Murphy projects this year — American Horror Story: Delicate (Kardashian) and Feud: Capote vs. The Swans (Sevigny) — but it remains a mystery what the two will talk about.

The week was also host to a big batch of hysterical tweets. The funniest ones included a nutty fashion comparison, a Taco Bell hack and a good reason for calling the Better Business Bureau.

Isaac Fitzgerald @IsaacFitzger... 4h ... Somewhere out there, a child is free. BARRON'S BARRON'S AP Biology AP = Edition AP AP BIOLOGY AP SAT SUBJECT TEST Chemistry - PREMIUM - BIOLOGY E/N PRYSALE Exam PHYSICS I and 2 Prep - 2010 - - - - - IN SAT - SUBJECT I I TESTS BAT 11 349 10.2K 137K
muñekita @dolleyed 20h ... employed: X margarita tower on a weekday: de EL USA 640555 DE TURBA TS TEQUILA PATRÓN. TURRA TEQUILA PATRON WITH N P D 20 536 7,054 I 254K
x_44bbyTHOTi3_x @vampiric_... 20h ... gay people can't just say i like your new haircut OMGGGGGGGG NONBINARY RINGO STARR i like it thooooo its giving like medieval cunt ye old boots the house down 126 3,952 78.9K 1.4M
Calvin DJ Craig Porter @djc... 19h ... You can just ask for the big Cheez-It TOSTADA BIG CHEEZ-IT KTLA KTLA 5 @KTLA.1d Taco Bell's Big Cheez-It Crunchwrap Supreme, Tostada to make nationwide debut in Ju... 102 2,250 36.9K 2.8M
derek guy @dieworkwear 12h ... you know who else wears a short jacket and tight pants? 425 1,483 28.9K 804K
mj @bigdybbukenergy 14h ... just had to click the 25-34 age group on an online form for the first time 62 1,872 53K 1M
EMmax @EMmax_130.20h ... Yessir $5 You can always COUNT ON THE CLASSICS GET YOUR ASS UP. I GOT YOU @dawncabigtingart ntx @mrntxs 22h I will never turn my back on Little Caesars 95 8,136 65.9K 4M
Josué @sandavidcito.17h hell yea HOtWHEELS - Corona Extra Corona Extra Corona bes Corona Extra Vigrana I Corona DUNNENZ Extra DIABLITO D FARGA 8 917 8,372 329K
nice things I say to myself @... 21h ... Gonna make a horror movie for introverts RS B TUV 01.4 9728 18 119 715 20.9K
teddy @starrbelIy.1 17h That is a phone curry queen @loookatm... . 1d my euro summer vibe AT&L to 25 FM 1:23 MONDAY MATZI Canan Contacts BROCKERS no phone summer + - OK A 431.8K 1 go 2ABC 3DEF ... 4GHI 5 JKL 6MAO 2,060 RING 7PORS 8TUV 9 WAYZ - #1. ٥٠ *+ 34.1K You reposted 44.9K Hazel Eyes 53 1,935 61.3K 987K
@ reap domo @domojnr 13h no wifi on my flight so i remade twitter in my notes app ... Pilot @TheFlyingGuy489 1h it should be illegal to fly this drunk ... 45 0 2 53 8 9 domo @domojnr 20m Just seen a grandma with a BBL walk thru the aisle, the drakedemic has infected the elderly ... 13 770k 1.2m 10m 95 david @caucasianpersuasion 15m why did nobody else clap when the plane landed 17 102 1.1k 7.7k & 9 ... stupidbaby @wahh123 . 3 3h 166 7,075 73.1K 1.1M
** @bigguccicraigy· 12h i know this going platinum on facebook right now rob @lmNOTcatholic-20h YEAH GURRLLL, GURRLLL... I SAW CHILL, HOLD UP! GOT ANOTHER CALL... GUUURRRLLLL... HELLO? 2 65 1,531 45.5K
ray @deadst4r.21h ... i cracked at this. is my humour broken? son block 221 18K 59.1K 1.9M
HOURLY shitpost @ho... 1d ... quieres If they talk behind yo back Islant Rtehad then fart 95 8,714 66.8K 3.5M
reilly @GoodPostReilly.1 15h ... OURS Ideally life should feel like Animal Crossing. You're hanging out. Going to the beach. Eating fresh fruit. You're a little in a hole financially but it's fine, 24 6,474 44.6K del 964K
Mavs Fan @NahImNo... 1d ... Better Business Bureau would've been called before they even had time to finish telling me my total. tremain @imtremainhaynes.2d I got charged $34 for a lemon drop while in DC... that's insane 24 2,843 16.3K 798K
It's Keaton! @EvilKeaton 18h Remember when Melania said Barron thought this was real and he was like, 13 years old. Mr. Chau @Srirachachau 18h WE GOT HIM 81 1,076 39.3K 1.3M
@cryst6l.21h ... i hate i when i say some shit and someone ask me if i'm high like no bitch this the real deal me but yes i am 12 3,148 16.7K 489K
marli @sexybitch_111.21h The wow what are you cooking that smells really good starter pack 88 4,425 49.4K 1.4M
Mik | Designer + Strategist @... . 17h ... When I'm about to get to the bottom of sumn 124 8,923 47.1K 1.3M
же @bugdo11.2d GOD ENTEREDMY BODY AS A BOD MYSAMESEZE 1994 Dodge Grand Caravan Minivan $2,500 Listed about a day ago Indianapolis, IN skin destroyer @gloomingly.6d Can you show me a beautiful image that will change my life 22 956 11K 530K
noelle @tumblebrutus_ 1d ... this is so weird like they' 're just explaining how to shop yet im confused LOVE IT? it's yours! TAKE ANY ITEM TO CHECKOUT OR ASK AN ASSOCIATE FOR ASSISTANCE 84 905 46.8K 2.7M
macklin @saintmacklin 16h She's strict af damn Woah Vicky @woahhvickyyy-11m Ban gay marriage 2 1 10 del 204 Woah Vicky @woahhvickyyy· 19m Ban abortion 5 1 8 456 Woah Vicky @woahhvickyyy·1 19m Ban sex outside of marriage Ban abortion 1 1 6 del 278 Woah Vicky @woahhvickyyy-22m Ban cigarettes. Ban weed. 3 2 6 374 63 1,409 23.9K 409K
Bob @hoopgoth. 1d ... Why does it look like Barney is about to be assassinated 147 4,785 84K 3.4M
Ryan Bernardoni @dangercart.3h ... Because it has fewer calories and a lower alcohol content than traditional Budweiser j @lockedupjb - 11h Why is Al Horfords kid drinking a bud light - 0.0 BOSTO AIS a LIGHT i I 7 396 11.6K 762K
tractor @nudeobama. 1d ... Having a 9-5 and being nearly 30 means the only things I do for fun on the weekend are give myself diarrhea or get so high I pass out for 14 hours 62 2,105 26K del 1.1M
Matty @bestestname. 1d ... We just need to invent a straw that lasts a little bit longer than 4 seconds but still less than a million years 214 5,264 115K 3M
Patrick Monahan @pattymo. 1d Ejected from bottomless brunch for a simple dress code mixup 22 1,090 27.5K 1.8M
SLUG @generalslug 13h credit to romania for being the only country with government programs to support a fatter-assed citizenry Fascinating @fasc1nate.13h In Cluj, Romania, you can pay for your bus ticket by doing 20 squats. Disabled and elderly people get to ride for free. 6 BILETUL DE B I per SUD FOR DESNG de ENEAZÃ-TE CU FESTIVAL! ZAZA-TE CO FESTIVAL! CHIPA WITH RTIV MA SPORTS грив REMANIAL BILITUL CELU DESANATATE ORAS DIN 71 8,043 103K 3.3M
the human sadiepede 2 @hell_... 1d ... it's important to have that one friend you can really just go insane to. really just full tilt crazy and they are like yeah 272 7,888 53.1K 2.1M
her @horny4hooters 1d working at a nonprofit be like Meeting 5/28 -we're broke 74 4,039 74.5K 2.3M
claiborne @hatecoleslaw 21h edited by marta why wen u say ihad a dream about u ppl always assume sexual shit .no bitch You fought well but died by my sword 116 20.8K 174K 5.1M
Mark Sundstrom @106th - 10h ... You know it's summer when this is how you sleep under the sheet LEAVE YOUR INHIBITIONS AT THE DOOR... PAU VERHOEVEN GIRLS SHOW THE SHOW IS ABOUT TO BEGIN. LLECTOR.COM 14 366 5,036 156K
@cryingrnwyd 22h ... On a date, told her I didn't bring my wallet so she took both plates. 7 48 1,129 del 27.6K
Alex @AlexShaneMoore- 1d FY 45 OF Oh really? We'll see what the same 6 people who always agree with me think about that 12 3,035 27.9K del 1.1M
PHOEBE @purplefettucine. 1d ... My mom's baby book from when my brother was born. Не was born on 9/12/2001 The Day Our Baby Was Born The Headlines U.S. under Attack World us under Attack Local U.S. under Attack 85 4,459 112K 1.9M
Chief Mackenzie Bock @Goth... 22h ... Mad Max: Murphy Road Lumpy @LumpyTheCook-6d Imagine a Mad Max war convoy with this in it 43 3,054 31.4K 1.3M
new jersey updates @doubtpoi... 2h ... i lowkey have it harder but ok molly @classiclits.23h on this day in 1431, joan of arc was burned at the stake ALT 2 120 1,706 48.4K
Gentleman Doofus @GentleD... 20h ... It's wild how both parties managed to pick the worst possible candidates this year, astronomically worse than 2020, which was the exact same guys. 22 2,838 37.3K del 569K
Ms Hera. @_littlehuman_.1d How many chefs do you think were wrongfully executed in the medieval times because the King's food tester had a food allergy? 262 16.6K 128K 6.9M
SOZÉ BLANCO @The_Faiz_Phase. 1d ... Sophie Kramer Follow 6d 'your little girlfriend' actually im his fat pussy WIFE and he be calling me mommy Kim Steele and 9 others 5 comments 1 share Like Comment N Send Share Courtney Hall This so aggressive I think she picks that man up and hits him 3 Like Reply 101 13K 122K 4.3M
bort @tacobort.20h bort @tacobort Cumming is so embarrassing. Like here's what's in my balls I guess. Jesus Christ 6:54 PM 7/28/23 From Earth 880K Views الله View analytics 6.9K Reposts 416 Quotes 27K Likes 1.7K Bookmarks mother earth @fe... 6/17/23 fuck most liked tweet what was your most hated tweet. a tweet that ppl bothered u about for DAYS & sent u threats over. i probably have like 30 87 6,946 105K 4.3M
Robert Komaniecki @Koman... 1d ... Whenever I get a tattoo I like to ask the artist if there's anything they won't tattoo. So far my favorite answer is Nazi shit and naked chicks with no bush 10 55 1,594 del 67.4K
Real Name @FutureHasbeen 18h ... Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there. Nathaniel Meyersohn @n... 20h Costco's new finance chief today: I also want to confirm the $1.50 hot dog price is safe. 50 13K 130K 4.4M
LorazeKim TM 2d ... I could never work in an aquarium I would have a penguin under my shirt at the end of the shift 25 1,010 7,521 251K


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