32 of the Funniest Tweets from Friday, May 24, 2024

The summer vibes are locked in
32 of the Funniest Tweets from Friday, May 24, 2024

In 2019, the knives were brought out. Three years later, the glass was shattered. And in 2025, Benoit Blanc will tackle what’s being described as “his most dangerous case” yet. Netflix revealed that Rian Johnson’s third installation of the Knives Out series will be  called Wake Up Dead Man. As part of the reveal, writer/director/mastermind Johnson professed his love of “malleable” whodunnits and exploring the “whole tonal spectrum from (John Dickinson) Carr to (Agatha) Christie.” 

None of the ensemble cast surrounding Daniel Craig has been announced, but it’s likely we’ll see some combination of an up-and-coming talent, a powerhouse character actress and a name due for a resurgence. The film gets its title from a U2 track, whereas the previous two entries were named after Radiohead and Beatles songs respectively. Do with that what you may until Blanc returns. 

When not fancasting the new Knives Out, the timeline found the time to fire off some more jokes. Today’s funniest tweets include those about the chaos of mixing things up, what happens when you build IKEA furniture without instructions and in-flight community building.

soul nate @MNateShyamalan-16h ...  me: planet with the rings? google: Saturn - Wikipedia  me: does italy exist google: поре. 43 2,156 32.1K 625K
Alexander Morphous @Alex_... .21h ... This is ridiculous www.ticketmaster.com Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen | Birthday Celebration i Fri Mar 01, 10191 2:00 PM Important Event Info: Due to extraordinarily high deman... more Sorry, tickets are not currently available online. Seat Map Ghost (DUNE lover). 1d Post like the events of Dune are happening right now and you're just some guy 8 768 14.1K 810K
prth @paaarth319.1d ... nyt connections count your fkin days im coming COLL 1001 groups our WORDS BEGINNING WITH GREETINGS HEYDAY, HIJINKS, SUPPER, YOGURT 48 1,174 14K 587K
desire. @dedabarbie .16h ... they towed my brother truck so he went to the bank & got ALL PENNIES to pay the people to get his truck back. why the people called the police on him because they didn't wanna count the pennies 772 9,874 144K 6.4M
gianmarco @GianmarcoSoresi.1 13h ... IN Europe begs the question if every aspect of life were better than America would it be worth it without air conditioning 83 1,335 22K 824K
iced pee @stupidtrashboy 19h ... Guarantee this was written by a 30 year old youth pastor & Melli @pretiye God's love is bussin fr 16 63 1,322 22.1K
Amber / Berry @bloodberry_tart-1d ... these days if you pick up a couple non- standard hobbies people will treat you like an eccentric genius lil piss baby @11kmrn 5/15/24 what hobbies can a 25 year old have other than the gym and drinking? 112 2,022 32.5K 2.2M
Stone Cold Jane Austen @Abby... 1d ... This is how I look when someone asks me a question I wasn't prepared for 3 697 4,485 217K
cherry @micherrymarie 14h How to Selt-Regulate NAVAL MUSTAFA Nawal Mustafa М.А. (0) thebraincoach When I am Feeling I will say it is what it Angry is say it is what it Overwhelmed is say it is what it Insecure is say it is what it Rejected is say it is what it Discouraged is 2 2,513 12.5K 550K
haha ya @Hey54636.1d .. How do doctors even know all that shit 112 1,267 18.8K 470K
ELLA MACHINA @orchidcamp 17h ... i am fucking addicted to being a couple minutes late to work 55 5,486 33.9K 979K
Sara Ghaleb @SaraGhaleb 15h ... We talk about Main Character Syndrome, but no one ever wants to talk about how tough it is being the comic relief. Do you have any idea how many banana peels I've slipped on? How many seltzer's I've sprayed on myself? How often the person I'm talking about IS right behind me? 14 746 5,887 146K
Semtex Farmhand @semtexfar... 1 1d ... III LUXXORY 10 Celebrities You Didn't Know Were Gay 5. Elton John 32 251 5,311 221K
Sgt. Suckdown @TheJaegerB... 1d ... Dad why is my sisters name Rose? Because your Mother loves roses Thanks Dad No Problem Drunk Cig 79 2,012 28K 3M
neurotypical woman @female... 18h ... Super weaner Article Talk XA A super weaner (also super-weaner or superweaner) is an exceptionally large elephant seal at weaning age. Super weaners may reach their large sizes by stealing milk from nursing female elephant seals or by being adopted by an additional mother elephant seal. 31 999 10.3K 697K
Jon King @JonKingBadaBing.17h ... Jaders Having a Tony Soprano summer (fighting with my family and having panic attacks) 34 5,039 35.5K 1.8M
hope hopes hoping @hope... 20h ... its always been hard for me to fit into society 7 386 2,974 150K
muad'bob (gooch) @bobgoo... 1d ... there is only one young Dexter I respect and it's 40 year old Michael с Hall DiscussingFilm @Discus... 1d DF Patrick Gibson has been cast as young Dexter in the 'DEXTER' prequel series.... 67 1,843 18.5K 2.1M
Bradley Stern @MuuMuse 13h ... Me with the IKEA furniture 10 minutes after saying I don't need the instructions. CG From Variety 21 746 7,737 306K
danielle weisberg for hire @da... 1d ... thought I would mix things up today and sit in a new spot on my couch. Absolute chaos over here 6 195 3,812 184K
will defries @willdefries.2 23h you have to keep the body guessing Y Premium training Address mund | . - for - . Community - FOOTBALL INTO GLASS - PERO SUGAR somplif - NCHO 'S M E GT& ملفظ SYNERGY ANGELES TR CELSIUS raw kombucha CHERT GUINNESS SPARKL IND DRAUGHT GRAPE RUSS STOUT MONSTER TRILOGY سب VIGENTINE - AR ZERO W EN E SUGAR RG E - رجة - MARA 9n - 19 41 1,727 204K
Dionysus: Himbo Scholar @d... f 19h ... How i feel when my homies ask me a lore question 32 3,467 31.9K 1M
swag 900 @ecco401k-1d ... when people who used to date are best friends it's always easy to tell who goes home and cries themselves to sleep 13 552 7,363 del 573K
James Line @jameslineky-2 21h me winning the fake argument in the shower Nikki Haley Follow @NikkiHaley Underestimate me, that's always fun. Nikki Haley Follow @NikkiHaley People like to underestimate me. That's always fun. They forget that nobody is going to outwork me! Nikki Haley Follow @NikkiHaley Go ahead and underestimate me, that'll be fun. Nikki Haley Follow @NikkiHaley Underestimate me, that'll be fun 36 671 10.8K 371K
bbyafricka @Jasminearmanii-1d ... As u should king BASED SAVAGE @crack... 1d Id rather rob a bank than ask a woman for money 2 3,351 14.8K 457K
ally @missmayn 1d we're very close to 'not made with Al' becoming a sought after and premium product similar to food labeled organic. 85 2,713 25K 471K
incredible guy @theyboybebop-1 1d ... have to put gas in my car. again. why does this literally only ever happen to me. 4 855 8,894 del 176K
sarah @sadsamich.2 23h ... i have GOT to win the lottery like today or even tomorrow at the very latest 15 1,305 9,489 302K
tanya @Tanya_Sabrinaaa•1 1d CARD YCVDEM i'm quiet dating (pretending i have prospects and not actually dating) 11 564 6,349 307K
Clara @colormeloverly- 1d i love the temporary camaraderie of a flight. like yes, stranger at the window seat, i i will take your biscoff wafer wrapper and toss it into the flight attendant's trash bag. for this brief moment in time we are in community and we will help each other as best we can. 1 227 4,728 76.6K
beer person @CantEverDie• 1d ... a new type of dog has been invented. they can't breath, they can only walk for 3 minutes before getting a heart attack, and they're 1 million dollars 75 368 11.2K 242K
AME Youngboy @MelechTho... 3h ... YELLING Darwin @DLgodlessbitch - 1d HOMOSEXUALITY IS AN NEVER ABOMINATION MISSES a GAY TO GOD EVENT ALMIGHTY LEVITICUS 18:22 11 2,144 11.9K 490K


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