30 of the Funniest Tweets from Monday, May 6, 2024

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30 of the Funniest Tweets from Monday, May 6, 2024

Tom Brady learned the hard way last night that roasts have no rules. Though the retired seven-time Super Bowl-winning quarterback took most of the jokes like a champ, there was one that he considered out of bounds. During Netflix’s The Greatest Roast of All Time: The Roast of Tom Brady, Roastmaster General and Ricky Stanicky star Jeff Ross poked fun at Brady’s rookie season while simultaneously referencing Robert Kraft’s 2019 solicitation scandal. Ross joked that Brady walked into the Patriots owner’s office and said, “I’m the best decision your organization has ever made. Would you like a massage?” Before Ross could finish another punchline, though, Brady menacingly whispered in his ear, “Never say that shit again.” 

Luckily, the rest of the special went off without a hitch and featured devastating burns from former teammates Drew Bledsoe and Rob Gronkowski, comedians Tony Hinchcliffe, Andrew Schulz and Nikki Glaser, and special appearances by Ron Burgundy and Ben Affleck.

Shifting from superstar athletes to satirical superheroes, production on Season Two of Gen V is set for this month, and the creative forces behind The Boys spin-off took to social media to reveal how they’ll be handling the Andre Anderson character after the tragic loss of actor Chance Perdomo last March. In a statement, producers confirmed that they won’t be recasting the role but will opt to “recraft” the season’s story in a way that will “honor Chance and his legacy.” 

Meanwhile, things are super funny on the timeline today, getting our week started with some insanely hysterical tweets. The most hilarious ones include those about a foolproof grocery list, a seven-figure reason to love romance novels and a woman aiming for the big leagues.

toe lover with a steel chair! 23h One time I told a coworker I was going through a breakup and she said I'm not:) 59 1,070 20.9K 696K
futch factory @whoresthedog 1d This is why you can't commit suicide because there's always something really funny on Twitter you don't want to miss 30 6,084 40.9K del 857K
Dr. Nut @Dr_Nut_.23h ... ig hro I hate when beautiful women vape like baby you need a cig 121 6,620 49K 1.3M
Tyra Alsdurf @tyra_alsdurf. 1d ... Oh (This is my husband) Nate T M Anthony Edwards is making me feel things no one ever has 99 1,351 25.8K 3.6M
one woman cult @clickholebot.5h ... when kate moss said nothing tastes as good as skinny feels i i take that with a grain of salt bc she was british 17 619 8,455 del 170K
lulu gorgeous back in the sad... 16h ... one of the craziest deli dogs to ever do it. his name is James SeN KOREAN - - 13 232 4,456 132K
Mr. Taylor Goes To Washington 1d ... Incredible moment on the tl sDub @seancdub 18m If you lost your Invisalign at the nyc eagle I kicked it under one of the drink standing areas and tried to save it- I know that's shits expensive 1 3 del 145 Stephen @selfreference• 11h think my retainer is somewhere on the floor at the brova 5 88 6.1K 8 126 4,783 148K
wheels @wheelswordsmith-2 21h ... about to take my wfh game to levels not seen since 1842 Walking desk/hamster wheel walking/ standing desk $500 29 1,608 24.2K 823K
ben e gesserit @jeanpierreload-id ... not that one i dont think @D....2d DepressedBergman What's the most iconic shot from a tv show? 38 1,164 47.9K 1.8M
m. @moseason_ 1d ... No you freaky bitch! Rota @pli_cachete• 1d Does anyone else mix the pb & j first LA ALLEC GRAPE CONCORD Welch's Need to Stir SKIPPY Na 474 11.3K 141K 6.3M
derek guy @dieworkwear 1d ... he looks like he's about to fight roger rabbit Travis Kelce Fan Page @tra... 2d Travis at the Kentucky Derby! DINING Stalks 11 I - 428 4,537 98.7K 5.1M
girl of the year @tinashehive. 1d ... My roommate during the meeting we called to initiate an equal division of chore labor idk why we need to include cleaning the floor weekly as a chore. It doesn't ever get dirty hush @tinned_fish.2d roommate just said I can't believe we've never had to buy trash bags the whole time we've lived here M Hey did you get. Para uns - - I - 45 2,326 72.1K 2.1M
odalis @o4iezaz 16h ... gwen stefani in the early 2000s kathy @f4eth 2d i i was latina at the time yes 26 3,455 36.1K du 1.6M
FMJ social anxiety @thedarkprowler -1 16h awesome text to get from a coworker i met last wednesday innov The government is stealing our sperm to create homonculus super soldiers to engage the chinese army on the moon It's all being propagated by the deep state they want you to watch porn and jack off into the shower so they can collect our dna from the sewers they're growing our sons in labs and sending them off to fight a war we don't even know about 602 3,596 46.7K du 2.3M
Tianna, the Writer @tiannathe... 1d Every so often I really love the misery and hateration in Britain Rex @Lozraus . 2d I keep a universal remote in my bag to turn down pub TVs if they are too loud. SETUP ... II REC MENU GUIDE INFO OK AM EXIT + it 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 APPS 0 5 TV ONE 1,325 FOR ALL 9.974 317K
Billy Mays III @infinitethird. 4h ... ML The level of hate that Kendrick has in his heart for Drake is only slightly higher than how my dad felt about Vince Offer. I truly believe that if he had lived another year, they would've gone bar for bar in the first ever infomercial battle. 17 E НАМИЛ Doy Baking Soda - 107 1,703 14.3K 608K
susie @sus_culprit.23h @youngthugstan-5/2/23 sometimes i hope y'all's employers find ur twitter jordon @jrd0_o5/2/23 i miss sniffing your panties and stroking my dick 1 7 43 del 3K papa juice man @papajuiceman what if he works at the sniffing panties and stroking dick factory 27 4,034 49.1K 735K
Zhané Love @thezhanelove. 17h ... Just seen a TikTok of a man donating blood to get his girl a Chanel bag for her birthday, and someone commented they gon have to drain you dry LMAO 90 1.2K 8.9K 276K
kos @kostancaaa__ 16h ... God forbid women have hobbies 'Whack' with a silent H @WhackNicholson.1 16h Woman in front of me at the Phillies game is on Instagram DMing the unmarried players. 23 4.2K 77K 2.5M
Icona @iconawrites. 1d Colin Firth is the best Mr Darcy. Excuse me, do you know about him: 64 1.4K 11K del 277K
teddy @Iemonsproda• 14h Teddy Ferrari @lemonsproda.1h I had a crush on Master Hand 10 71 1,232 @halomancer1.7m ... jenny_tightpants how 1 100 2 Teddy Ferrari @lemonsproda I was severely mentally ill and unmedicated 8:07 PM 5/14/23 from Earth 5 Views 83 2.3K 34K 18
Rex Masters @MastersRex 1d when we run out of something put it on the fridge so we don't forget to buy it - way محمد Manuchan Inspect Lunch vialor - - MANGE M HERSHEY'S وحت saugu 220 5.2K 72K 1.9M
clo @henryscdiaz. 1d oh you know what. suddenly i get her acting like the book was written by shakespeare himself like girl i get it Anne Hathaway UPDATES @UpdatesHatha... . 1d Anne Hathaway received $7M paycheck for #TheldeaOfYou romantic drama has earned: Anne Hathaway as Solène Marchand $7 Million Nicholas Galitzine as Hayes Campbell $400,000 Ella Rubin as Izzy $180,000 Reid Scott as Daniel $1 50,000 Jordan Aaron Hall as Zeke $80,000 Raymond Cham Jr as Oliver $70,000 Annie Mumplo as Tracyl $50 000 34 1K 39K 1.8M
bigglogann @itslogannnbtw.15h ... And next month we gon be gay 247 35 103 @lrgclyde 16h Yall was just muslims now y'all Mexican 450 7.6K 40K 2M
charlie @chunkbardey.52m forgive yourself you are soon to do something far worse, and you probably will want to clear the docket now 2 35 368 du 10.1K
shit brickhouse @__jjjdd 21h ... Would you let a chorus of angels sing hosanna as you ascend to the gates of Heaven? Queen of the Big Backs @... . 1d Would you gut some garlic bread and stuff it with some lasagna and eat it? CG 0:09 3 275 6,528 472K
V inho 1 @itto_inho.20h hey think u gave me chlamydia 00:12 Delivered 00:12 23 700 12.7K 356K
Mwelase @_Blackbandz-13h Specific date ? A Champagne Problem 19h Everything is going to be okay. 57 8,761 24.7K du 982K
messed up computers @me... 6h ... Thu, 04 May Hey. :) 5' 11, 185 lbs toned, 8.5 long, 4.9 thick n cut. Wbu? 21:59 Intel Core 2 Duo 3.2 GHz, 4 GBs DDR3 RAM 1066 MHz, ATI Radeon x1950 Pro 256-Bit w/ 256MB GDDR3 VRAM. 512 GB Seagate HDD 5400 RPM. Delivered 22:08 121 3,607 42.6K 1.1M
NEYAH @iimabeautty 4h pls take care of y'all selves bc we got a whole bunch of dumb btches going into nursing 317 9,232 38K du 1.1M


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