25 of the Funniest Burns from the Week of April 15, 2024

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25 of the Funniest Burns from the Week of April 15, 2024

The NBA felt a little more like a Coen Brothers movie this week thanks to Toronto Raptors forward Jontay Porter being slapped with a lifetime ban after he was caught adjusting his performance for gambling purposes and even betting on games himself. Porter, who has only been in the league since 2019, had a number of charges brought against him, including disclosing information about his health status to a bettor for a parlay that would yield a million-dollar payout. 

While the timeline is naturally making Porter the butt of the joke, he’s not bearing all of the blame, as a Twitter user aptly pointed out the rich irony of Shams Charania, an NBA insider with an online gambling sponsorship, being the guy who first reported the news. 

But Porter, Charania and the muddy waters of sports betting in the NBA weren’t the only ones falling victim to hilarious digs on the timeline this week. Other burn victims included any American Vice President, ferret owners everywhere and drunk criers. 

Ruiz @unknownxruiz_ 23h ... If you cry when you drink just stay home this summer 159 3,025 10.1K 498K

Henpecked Hal @Henpecked... 21h ... My kindergartener experienced her first smart toilet on our vacation. Her reaction? If it was really smart it would get a new job. I'd much rather be a sink. 3 79 1,730 29K

Chaelaaa @ChaelaNaomi-2 22h ... My momma ain't raise no dummy, and if she did it's my sister 62 3,530 12.9K 515K

Tony P. @Tbone7219.16h ... I have never met a ferret owner that isn't creepy as fuck. 93 74 655 25.7K

That Mom Tho @mom_tho .2 20h it was a very long time before i realized red lobster wasn't the upscale dinery my parents led me to believe it was 130 143 2,143 72.4K

kos @kostancaaa_ 2h the nba insider with a fanduel sponsorship reporting this btw Shams Charania @Sha... . 2h Raptors' Jontay Porter has received a lifetime ban from the NBA for violating league's gaming rules. Sun Life RAPTORS 34 83 2,211 20.8K 1.3M

2000s @PopCulture2000s-3h - why is she diving in knee deep water? kimkardashian 122 758 15.1K 406K

.:RiotGrlErin:. @RiotGrlErin 3h you telling me that's not jojo siwa R revolvermag @Revolver... 11h Happy 60th birthday, MAYNARD JAMES KEENAN! 19 39 793 25.1K

mollie the maid @themollie... 5h ... IGHT HOW I REPORT THESE KIDS BECAUSE WHAT IS THIS?! MS woods MS woods No Lashise with Lashise 82 1,072 5,875 193K

Paul McCallion @OrangePaulp 15h ... this is the most down bad anyone's ever been btw 68 1,873 22.9K del 1M

Isaac Feldberg @isaacfeldberg 18h ... Every time I see the ABIGAIL trailer I confuse Kevin Durand for Elon Musk 76 129 3,094 130K

Drew Savicki @DrewSav 22h - Vice President of the United States Jack Califano @jackcalifano.1d Is there a job where they pay you $250,000 a year to hang out in the park and get dinner with your friends? 6 1,442 34.5K 758K

Goldimocks @goldimocks.1 18h ... idk what I picture ppl in the govt doing but it's never them working 10 69 700 15.6K

Dak Harding @DakHarding 16h ... Someone named Ethel hit me up on Tinder. Please excuse me as I grab my lantern and time travel to 1870. 20 91 1,123 28.1K

blockafella @shvnique 1d ... what that gotta do with you Shorty Nightskin @Sir... 1d this girl just gave me her number but just got some flowers on snapchat 73 2,870 13.6K 716K

5hahem aka Dr. Durag @shaTIRED . 18h y'all would fuck a chevy equinox if you slapped a beard on it and painted it beige sai I simon @SaiB0i1 19h now what's going on here bc.. zuck zuck - Original audio 180 3.4K 27K 1.1M

kayla @MEGTHEEDAYA 17h 000000 i know he was embarrassed that she out suited him omg Zendaya Updates @Zendaya_Updated - 17h Zendaya & Jimmy Kimmel. 1 29K 871 559K

jett james @JettJamez 1d my gf is a family guy autist and gets very upset about this 04/16/2024 7:31 PM so fucking tired of this shit wtf even goes on in here? ifunny.c theres 29 episodes that show the interior of this room starting in season 1 juju $ @ayeejuju - 5d wtf even goes on in here? 76 1.4K 28K 751K

kc @powcampsurvivor- 22h you can find hundreds of these women commenting there are no bad breeds, just bad owners on local news stories about pitbulls mauling kids POP @PopCrave. 1d CRAVE Pop Crave Megan Fox stuns in new photo. 3TAMITJU ITAMITJU WATER RIMOTOR 141 2.9K 19 142K

roro, PhD @fuglibetty 14h I think ive tweeted this exact paragraph about my vape dying Taylor Swift @taylorswift13 - 15h The Tortured Poets Department. An anthology of new works that reflect events, opinions and sentiments from a fleeting and fatalistic moment in time - one that was both sensational and sorrowful in equal measure. This period of the author's life is now over, the chapter closed and... Show more 16 1K 15K 1M

kev @AwestruckVox 23h ... why tf are you watching cartoons if you can't embrace the wacky wonders of their world Alexo @AlexoStripes 1d This ick I have with some animated shows Big ass Small CHEW bite 79 9.5K 149K 2.2M

alex @midsmoker34. 1d Backyard baseball ass hat Mia Thornton @mrsmiathornton.2d I normally don't do this but.... it's @usher y'all! @datboyinc #postedonthecorner 1.5K 33K 72 2.3M

dangy @tdangy 2d ... a facebook marketplace story 150? No way APR 08 AT 1:48PM yes way John reduced the price to $399 for Sony digital video handycam. John changed the listing description. John reduced the price to $350 for Sony digital video handycam. John reduced the price to $299 for Sony digital video handycam. getting closer to that 150 i see Sent 6 64 1.2K 34K

Joe Whiskey @Ceasars_Palace9 1d I was arguing with my Asian coworker when my white coworker walked up and said, What is this? Rush Hour 4? I called HR. 2.2K 34K 343K 14M

dish @dishinterestedd 1d a 20 person polycule???? girl that's a start up @wzrd331 . 2d agile was a mistake The New York Times https://www.nytimes.com/po_ A 20-Person Polycule on Boundaries, Relationships and Intimacy 2 days ago - We learned a strategy from the Multiamory podcast called agile scrum, which was adapted from business-meeting models. We utilized... 30 4.3K 42K 1.4M

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