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33 Big Swings By Fast-Food Brands

Today we salute the mad scientists of the fast food realm.

33 Big Swings By Fast-Food Brands

April 12, 2024

If you’ve ever wondered what Dr. Frankenstein would conjure up in a fast-food kitchen, then by golly, you’ve come to the right place. These wild culinary concoctions had all the salty, sugary and greasy ingredients that normally find success in the fast-food realm, but for some reason, they just didn’t pan out. Maybe they thought too far out of the box. Or the bag. Or the foil. Or whatever vessel they were served in.

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33

Angriest Whopper BURGER KING CRACKED.COM This burger was supposed to be super spicy--to the extent that it warned off predators with its vibrant colors, like a poisonous frog. They even made a big deal about cooking the first batch with fire from a volcano, which is... honestly pretty rad. — Source

32

Dry Pork and Seaweed Donut DUNKIN' DONUTS Dry Pork and Seaweed Donut CRACKED.COM On paper, this looks like a lazy corporate April Fools Day joke. But in practice, it's actually a pretty daring savory experience from a company that specializes in sugar water. It's made with a special yeast dough, which kind of brings the whole thing together. — Source

31

Mashed Potato Beef Burger MCDONALD'S 100% Manly Man CRACKED.COM For a while, McDonald's China was on a big masculinity kick. Lots of their commercials highlighted the manliness of meat eaters - none moreso than this burger that dared to include a layer of potato salad. — Source

30

Taco Bell's Cheetos Burrito After their Doritos taco success, maybe this wasn't the dumbest idea. However, it didn't make it past their Cincinnati test market. CRACKED.COM — Source

29

Taco Bell's Black Jack Taco NEW! BLACK JACK TACO 89c The taco was not particularly notable aside from its black shell. Unfortunately,the shell had the unfortunate side effect of turning your poo green. Not a fun surprise. CRACKED.COM — Source

28

Taco Bell's Seafood Salad To compete with the Filet-O-Fish, Taco Bell introduced a seafood salad in the 1980s. Unsurprisingly, it was a complete flop. Salad AND seafood? From Taco Bell? Hard pass. CRACKED.COM — Source

27

The Double Sensation was a twin-crusted pizza. Pizza Hut SENSATION HILK CRACKED.COM Pizza Hut gave customers in Singapore more of what nobody really likes all that much - the crust! They called it a pizza within a pizza, but it was realy just an excuse to fill you up with more bread... and apparently offload some excess Alfredo sauce. — Source

26

The McJordan was a bacon cheeseburger. That's it. CRACKED.COM The quickest way into every American's heart (and gut) in the early 90's was Michael Jordan. And, apparently, the blues. The commercial made Jordan croon a bluesy tune with a mouthful of bacon chee. — Source

25

Fries + onion rings = Frings. CRACKED.COM You know that unique exhiliration of finding an onion ring in your french fries? Jack in the Box attempted to replicate that, but achieved the opposite: the devastating betrayal of being denied sufficient onion rings. — Source

24

Bundles were just sliders. CRACKED.COM Burger King's laughably small burgers were fun for the whole family: not quite enough to satiate a child, and a choking hazard for adults! — Source

23

Bigfoot Pizza was just too-big pizza. CRACKED.COM Its whole... thing was that it was too big: too big for minimum wage-earning delivery guys to comfortably hold it, and too big for your ravenous family to snarf it down in one sitting. — Source

22

The McLobster was a lobster meat hot dog. CRACKED.COM This abomination (which should have been called a Slobster Joe, first of all) had trouble gaining traction between the coasts because it's hard to ship lobster inland before it spoils. — Source

21

Dinner Baskets turned fast food workers into waiters. BURO KING CRACKED.COM In 1992, Burger King introduced an option to make their overworked staff deliver your meal right to your face and all but baby-bird it to ya. — Source

20

Burger King's Bacon Sundae Burger King has not earned our trust with ice cream, let alone experimental ice cream. It was only available for the summer of 2012, a simpler time when bacon was trendy. CRACKED.COM — Source

19

Burger King's Burger Pizza In a clear publicity stunt (that we are continuing to help hype, so it's effective), a 2,500 calorie pizza-sized burger was only available in New York because New Yorkers aren't snobs about their pizza or anything. CRACKED.COM — Source

18

Burger King's Whopperito CLAME Most people look at a Whopper and go, You know what would make this better? If it were a burrito, too. Not all foods need to be a mash-up, but don't tell Burger King, who sold the novelty item to compete with Chipotle. CRACKED.COM — Source

17

Pizza Hut's Hot Dog Bites Pizza Sure, hot dogs and pizza are good on their own, but Pizza Hut made sure to prove you can have too much of a good thing. The hot dog crust pizza came with a side of mustard and pretzel version. CRACKED.COM — Source

16

Ninja Burger BURGER KING NIN BURGE CRACKED.COM BK has tried several different black burgs in different parts of the world, with various ingredients dyed black with bamboo charcoal and squid ink. One version includes an oversized, floppy strip of meat to simulate the tongue of a popular anime ninja. — Source

15

Double Down Dog KFC KFC DOUBLE DOWN WARNING OUTRAGEOUS Y DE DOG CRACKED.COM KFC shook us to our very core in 2010 when they first announced the Double Down as an April Fools joke, then sold it for real less than two weeks later. Then, in 2015, while the meat-eating public was still reeling from whiplash, they unleashed this hot dog version upon the good people of the Phillipines. — Source

14

Gracoro Burger MCDONALD'S CRACKED.COM McDonald's Japan once offered this deep-fried dollop of macaroni, shrimp, and white sauce. — Source

13

Mac 'n' Cheetos BURGER KING Mac Cheetos CRACKED.COM These were cheese puff-shaped tubules of macaroni and cheese, coated in a skin of Cheetos crumbs -- regular, or Flamin' Hot, for the Cheetoisseur. — Source

12

Cheeseburger- Stuffed Crust PIZZA HUT CRACKED.COM This was simply a pizza surrounded by sliders. It's the most American food innovation since American cheese, and yet it's only ever been available in the Middle East and the UK. — Source

11

The McAfrika MCDONALD'S McAfrika CRACKED.COM In 2002, McDonald's Norway took some heat for dropping their unfortunately named, pita-based BLT right smack dab in the middle of a massive famine in Africa. — Source

10

Waffle Taco TACO BELL CRACKED.COM In 2014, Taco Bell disrupted the wet hot American breakfast scene with a waffle, your choice of sausage or bacon, and a haphazard ice cream scoop of egg. — Source

9

Doritos Pizza PIZZA HUT CRACKED.COM They nearly out-pizza'd their own hut by placing Dorito shards around the perimeter of their 'za, like a crown of thorns. Lest you think they didn't go big enough, they also stuffed the crust with that boldest of cheeses: mozzarella. — Source

8

Edible nail polish KFC TS PINGER LICKIN SENGER GOOD TCKIN GOOD CRACKED.COM In 2016, KFC dropped two flavors of edible nail polish in Hong Kong. The BBC did a taste test, and found Hot t & Spicy to be more translucent than advertised, and Original Recipe to be straight-up green. Both bottles recommended not saving their goop for multiple uses. — Source

7

The McSpaghetti is exactly what's on the tin. CRACKED.COM Ordering a Chicken McDo with McSpaghetti was a needlessly long way of ordering a chicken leg and some spaghetti -- but a really quick way to get heartburn. — Source

6

The Gold 'n' Grill just slapped a pineapple slice on a burg. $1.10 CRACKED.COM McDonald's big idea in 1984 was to huck a slab of pineapple on top of a regular cheeseburger, presumably to tear this great nation apart at the seams Hawaiian pizza had exposed. — Source

5

Shake 'em Up Fries were DIY cheese fries. CRACKED.COM Burger King gave customers the experience of being a real fry chef! Customers would dump a packet of flavoring into a bag of fries, and shake the whole thing up until every fry was sticky as hell. — Source

4

The McHotDog danced on Ray Kroc's grave. hot dog ho CRACKED COM Even though the Krocs started off in the hot dog biz, Ray Kroc later refused to sell them at McDonalds because he couldn't be sure the meat was high enough quality. Turns out: Americans don't really care about the quality of their speedy meats! — Source

3

The Bell Beefer was a sloppy Joe. CRACKED.COM Look, Taco Bell is great at coming up with exciting new ways to funnel ground beef down our necks. But horking down something called a beefer is where Americans draw the line. — Source

2

The Priazzo was uncookably thick deep-dish pizza. CRACKED.COM Pizza Hut threw an Italian-sounding name on a casserole that was so thick, it took longer to cook than anyone was willing to wait for it. — Source

1

McStuffins were Hot Pockets. CRACKED.COM McDonalds wanted to get in on the scalding pouch pastry game with two of their signature flavor profiles: ...chicken teriyaki, and ...pepperoni pizza. — Source

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