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Time travelers have been meddling

40 Actual Historical Facts That Sound Like They Came From an Alternate Dimension

April 01, 2024

If these facts were real, surely someone would have taught them to us in school, right? Unless, of course, they’re too powerful. Wield this new knowledge carefully…

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40

SEVEN OF HISTORY'S TEN DEADLIEST WARS WERE FOUGHT IN CHINA. It comes with having a historically high population. A couple of wars in the region had a higher body count than World War I. CRACKED.COM — Source

39

THE U.S. CONSTITUTION IS RIDDLED WITH MISTAKES. We domestic the People L light Hyprovide de Articl All Power We're not talking here about stuff such as not giving everyone the right to vote- we mean the many misspellings contained in the Constitution. Just ask the delegate from Pensylvania. GRACKED.COM — Source

38

Weed Smoking

BARELY ANYONE SMOKED POT IN THE 1960s. Ah, the '60s. Flower power, peace and love, everyone was high... Except that by 1969, only 4% of Americans had ever tried marijuana, and a whopping 34% didn't even know what its effects were. CRACKED.COM — Source

37

Porn

40 Actual Historical Facts That Sound Like They Came From an Alternate Dimension — Source

36

TYRANNOSAURUS REX IS CLOSER TO YOU IN TIME THAN TO STEGOSAURUS. T. rex went extinct 65 million years ago. By then, Stegosaurus had been dead for 85 million years. CRACKED.COM — Source

35

Interracial Marriage

CRACKED.COM THE UNITED STATES BANNED INTERRACIAL MARRIAGE FOR LONGER THAN SOUTH AFRICA. Famously racist South Africa banned people of different races from getting married between 1949 and 1985, or 36 years. The U.S. banned it from 1776 to 1967-a grand total of 191 years. — Source

34

NAPOLEON WASN'T SHORT. At 5 feet 6.5 inches, he'd be barely an inch shorter than the average Frenchman today. CRACKED.COM — Source

33

A MAN TRIED TO BLOW UP GEORGE W. BUSH. Do you think a shoe was the worst thing anyone threw at President Bush? In 2005, Georgian national Vladimir Arutyunian tossed a hand grenade at him. It didn't explode, as you can probably guess. CRACKED.COM — Source

32

CRACKED.COM WE DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING IN NIXON'S TAPES. Nixon's White House tapes contain over 3,500 hours of recordings. About 200 make reference to Watergate. By the time of Nixon's death in 1994, only 63 hours had been made public. — Source

31

CRACKED.COM WE KNOW EXACTLY WHERE LEWIS AND CLARK CRAPPED. The Lewis and Clark expedition carried mercury pills that were used to treat pretty much everything (including, ahem, syphilis). The location of the latrines in their Lolo, Montana campsite is known because of the mercury in the soil. — Source

30

DURING WORLD WAR II, THE USSR TOOK THE BRUNT OF THE FIGHTING - AND OF THE DYING. You see very heroic Americans fighting the Reich in movies. And while that is true, you're not told that for every American killed in action, about 21 Soviets died. CRACKED.COM — Source

29

THE ROMAN EMPIRE DIDN'T JUST FALL OVERNIGHT. Yes, Rome was taken by Germanic invaders in 479-which had happened other times, SO not much changed that day. The Eastern Roman Empire-which was more important by then- lasted another 1,000 years. CRACKED.COM — Source

28

CRACKED.COM WARNER BROS. WAS FOUNDED AS THE OTTOMAN EMPIRE WAS ENDING. The empire existed from the 14th century until the Republic of Turkey was established in October 1923. By then, Warner Bros. had been operating for several months. WARNER BROS. PI — Source

27

Salem

THE WITCHES OF SALEM WEREN'T BURNED. While burning alleged witches was common in Europe, those found guilty of witchcraft during the Salem trials were hanged. Which, OK, wasn't much better. GRACKED.COM — Source

26

CRACKED.COM THE PONY EXPRESS WAS VERY SHORT-LIVED. Despite the huge role it plays PONY EXPRESS in the lore of the Old West, the Pony Express operated for only a year and a half, from DOLLAR, March 1860 to October 1861. WELLSFARCO & CO — Source

25

CRACKED.COM THE CURRENT U.S. FLAG WAS DESIGNED BY A HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT. 17-year-old Robert G. Heft made a 50-star flag for a school assignment when Alaska and Hawaii were given statehood. Не got a B-, which was changed to an A when the government adopted his flag. — Source

24

CRACKED.COM THE GOVERNMENT IS STILL PAYING CIVIL WAR PENSIONS. A veteran's daughter, born in 1930 when her father was in his 80s, still gets her paycheck every month. The last Civil War widow died in 2008. — Source

23

THE STRONGEST OPPOSITION TO THE VIETNAM WAR CAME FROM OLDER AMERICANS. - STER HT UND AGRESSION INVETNA WORLD NIKENOSTEN 11 . COME EST THAMESISCHEN VIEW - ... - 12th CUT April LA DANK COMINE WITH VIETIVA GET THE HELL Yes, visible protestors tended to COPTERS OUT OF be young. But according to polls of the time, young people were VIETNAM more likely to support the war than older citizens- particularly those over 50. CRACKED.COM — Source

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22

CRACKED.COM BRITISH TANKS HAVE LONG INCLUDED TEA- MAKING FACILITIES. CORT S ST 07 59 С - 66 Before 1945, Brits had to stop and climb out of their tanks for their tea breaks. Since that time, they've been able to remain safely and cozily (or cosily) secluded, thanks to a built-in boiling vessel. — Source

21

Ancient Rome

THE ROMAN EMPIRE WAS BIG. JUST NOT THAT BIG. Rome, the biggest empire that ever was... Except that, by surface area, it was more like the 25th, with about two million square miles at its height. GRACKED COM — Source

20

John Tyler's son Lyon was born when his father was 63. Lyon had two sons, Lyon Jr. and Harrison, when he was in his 70s. Both are still around. A 19TH-CENTURY PRESIDENT HAS LIVING GRANDCHILDREN. CRACKED.COM — Source

19

THE PYRAMIDS WEREN'T BUILT BY SLAVES. Despite what you've seen in movies, the Egyptian pyramids were the work of paid laborers working on three-month shifts. CRACKED.COM — Source

18

The eyes of the world are upon you.

CRACKED.COM 97% OF HUMAN HISTORY HAS BEEN LOST. Humans appeared 200,000 years ago. Writing is about 6,000 years old. This means that only 3% of our species' history has been recorded. — Source

17

AN AMERICAN PATROTIC SONG TOPPED THE CHARTS AT THE HEIGHT OF THE BRITISH INVASION. Do you think the '60s were all about The Beatles? Nope! The Ballad of the Green Berets, . by Staff Sergeant Barry Sadler, was the #1 song on the Billboard chart for 1966. CRACKED.COM — Source

16

THE NORMANDY LANDINGS WERE AMERICA'S FINEST DAY-EVEN IF AMERICANS WERE IN THE MINORITY. There were over 83,000 men in the British Second Army that stormed the French beaches, compared with 73,000 in the First United States Army. CRACKED.COM — Source

15

Ancient Dentistry

Ancient civilizations had dentistry. 9,000 years ago Pakistan had dental drilling, 2,500 years ago Native-Americans would pimp out teeth with gemstones, and ancient Egyptians even invented breath mints and surprisingly good toothpaste. CRACKED.COM — Source

14

CRACKED.COM لم: = 1 2 0 3 9 Ancient Greece 4 8 7 5 6 had alarm clocks. Plato might be that old-timey philosopher your teacher would discuss during those cozy mid-class naps, but he also invented the alarm clock to make his students come to class. It was a water clock he allegedly modified to make a whistling sound. The idea was made more complex 150 years later. — Source

13

CRACKED.COM Ancient Rome wasn't white. Rome was right next to non-white civilizations, and you can't really have an empire without bringing them in (or with such dumb ideas as racial prejudice). Yup, ancient Rome was the OG melting pot. — Source

12

Romans were kinda prudes. Roman art has always led us to assume their culture was all about grape-eating orgies. However, regular people would only have sex at night with their clothes on, and they didn't even get the whole orgy concept. The image actually comes from the most predictable source ever: Good ol' moral-panicky, culture-war-manufacturing Christian propaganda. CRACKED.COM — Source

11

Vikings had welfare. Real men don't need social protection because they're like Vikings. Except that Vikings weren't dumb, and had a sophisticated legal system with lawyers, warrants, progressive rape laws, and even a tax system guaranteeing care for the poor. Now those are truly metal Viking ideas to follow. CRACKED.COM — Source

10

Ancient Greece

Ancient Greece wasn't all about reason. There wasn't even a unitary ancient Greece to begin with. Instead, it was all corruption, superstition, illiterate people, a bunch of city-states warring with each other, and the greatest minds being poisoned (just for criticizing democracy). CRACKED.COM — Source

9

Mozart and James Joyce

CRACKED.COM Our greatest artists and thinkers were pervs. Mozart began writing symphonies at five, but then also wrote a lot about poop and farts. Similarly, besides writing Ulysses, James Joyce described in detail what he'd like to do with his wife's farts. Does this mean they could have worked for Cracked? Yes. — Source

8

The Persian Empire

The Persian Empire had air conditioning. Old-timey Iranians had complex ventilation systems that took hot desert air, flowed it down into cold underground water, and transformed it into a cool breeze. The system was so effective they even had refrigerator-like rooms. It's almost like we can't trust the movie 300, you know. CRACKED.COM — Source

7

Neanderthals

CRACKED.COM Neanderthals used plants as medicine. Putting Neanderthal teeth under a microscope, experts found traces of chamomile and yarrow. As those taste awful, they were probably eaten for their medicinal benefits, like helping with digestion, having anti-inflammatory and antiseptic properties, and helping prevent colds. — Source

6

Ancient Rome

CRACKED.COM Romans had shopping malls. Movies show small but busy Roman markets, but their economic life was actually way more bloated. Around 100 СЕ, Trajan's Market in Rome had four different levels and more than 150 different rooms with stores, offices, storage rooms, and of course, fast food joints, 'cause you work up an appetite with all that shopping. — Source

5

Native Americans

CRACKED.COM Native-Americans figured out the Enlightenment before it was cool. Native-American peoples practiced democratic arrangements whose sophistication was hotly praised by Enlightenment thinkers - meaning French and American innovations are more like the inferior, whitewashed remakes. — Source

4

CRACKED.COM Ancient Inuit had sunglasses. The ancestors of the Inuit had futuristic, sick-looking snow goggles made of ivory 2,000 years ago. 1,200 years ago, Chinese judges would use dark shades to hide their reactions during trials. — Source

3

The Colosseum

Christians weren't fed to lions in the Colosseum. Back when Nero was persecuting Christians, the Colosseum wasn't even built yet. The gruesome stories of martyrdom were mostly fiction written when Christianity was already the Empire's official religion. CRACKED COM — Source

2

Nazis had their own jazz. Nazis were all about Wagner (and lame ideas). Except even they noticed jazz was badass, but since it was also degenerate they had to whitewash it. Joseph Goebbels pushed for their own propaganda- spewing big band (which sucked, of course). CRACKED.COM — Source

1

America had Nazi summer camps. In the '30s, German-Americans who supported Hitler held summer camps on Long Island with very Hitler Youth-like activities, like marching, rifle practice, and sucking. It all died down after America entered the war and Indiana Jones punched them silly. CRACKED.COM — Source

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