John Early Is Figuring Out How to Be Sincere

As the star of the sharp new indie ‘Stress Positions,’ the irreverent comic works in a more serious vein. He tells Cracked why he’s getting comfortable with being earnest — even if he’s scared everyone will think he’s pretentious

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32 of the Funniest Tweets from the Week of March 11, 2024

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32 of the Funniest Tweets from the Week of March 11, 2024

Another week is in the books, and everyone is still wondering where in the world Kate Middleton is. While her whereabouts may be unknown, the same can no longer be said for Ty Burrell. The Modern Family actor recently reunited with the Dunphy clan at the SAG Awards thanks to Jesse Tyler Ferguson’s desire to “prove he’s not dead.” In other not-dead Burrell news, ABC ordered the comedy pilot Forgive and Forget from the Modern Family alum, who will produce and star as a rambunctious partier whose unexpected health scare leads him to reconnect with his do-gooder adult son. The network hopes to rekindle the same spark that landed Burrell eight consecutive Emmy nominations — and two wins — for Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series.

But if you need some humor right this very minute, the timeline, as always, has got you covered. This week’s funniest tweets included those about someone literally going to Poundtown, a policy on policy and some strange girl existentialism.

elie @catboygirlboss· 3h ... how i look at my wife asking if i can hit it crazy style seals_otters 3h X 3 190 2,306 46.5K

Meg @megannn_lynne 23h ... A 70 degree day in March is my version of doing a line 8 2,145 17.6K 489K

Ric. t @ihyric 23h ... me going to bed on an empty stomach because i was too lazy to cook for myself 9 674 8,897 236K

soupcat 3: @chariziard. 12h ... The year you were born vs how old you are now 2006: 18 2005: 19 2004: 20 2003: pushing 30 2002: pushing 30 2001: pushing 30 2000: pushing 30 326 2,749 18.6K 880K

+ @gwenisonl... 21h ... Rhadijah hostesses and their fave line cook Pop Base @PopBase.2 2d Sabrina Carpenter and Barry Keoghan for the Vanity Fair Oscars party. 146 4,376 81.2K 3.7M

Bits @BitsHammer 22h ... sleepsongs Follow do you ever see a hot take and you're like ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh critical thinking is a learned skill and ор has not put in the practice mechanicalpaw Follow Do you ever see a hot cake and you're likw ooooooooioihhhhhhhhhhh wnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnA 3 1,067 11.5K 138K

Brock @brockomole 3h Marketplace they could never make me hate you A A *RARE* Lifesize 5 ft tall Alvin Standee Twin Towers Lamp $2,200 $20 $26 16 266 4,030 120K

Mike Boobberg @boobbergLP.23h ... GR MY BODY IS A 0kg MACHINE THAT TURNS COMPANY TIME INTO BAD TWEETS 18 1,605 9,197 243K

swag 900 @ecco401k· 19h ... Me In Heaven : what cloud the 5'10 men on God : GET OUT !! 4 119 1,221 61.2K

bigsock @biggersocks 23h he thinks he's one of them جامعة UN - ... - 22 1,980 34.5K 837K

clare @sadderlizards.1h ... my toxic trait is that i i love too much and feel too deeply. also that i'm evil 6 875 2,696 del 69.3K

Old Picture of Dorianna Gray @blurbette. 3d I am NOT uninformed! princess @princesspatttyy 4d y'all are hypersexual, desensitized, lazy, unbothered, uninformed & DEMONIC 26 1.9K 6.2K 312K

DHGATE TISHA CAMPBELL @thatgirlbamz. 23h ... Wait more of what... please clarify! GIF ALT ki snow @kiaraimanii_esq· 1d Idk who needs to see this but more is on the way 23 3.8K 22K 852K

Tyler Ruggeri @t_ruggeri 1d ... My Name Is Barbra Barbra Streisand Alex Parker @AlexParkerDC • 2d What dense 700-page Pulitzer Prize-winning history book should Chris Nolan adapt for film next? 9 160 1.6K 112K

dummy @ilikebugs7.1 17h him: are you stupid or something me: 27 4K 43K 910K

lesley. @lesley_mov.23h he went YOU HAVE IRELAND AT HOME Very Barry News @verybarrynews 1d Barry commented on Vanity Fair's instagram video of Sabrina Carpenter talking about Cillian Murphy. VANITYFAIR Posts i Comments keoghan92 3h 1,234 Reply 29 4.6K 2.8M 104K

michael @FilledwithUrine 20h taking a road trip with my girl Mill C CLINTWO Pound Me ORBY CANTRELL MM ch 23 63° AQI 19 Pound x Town Virginia, United States 39 33K 2.5K 1.2M

lake (parody) @pakelosting 23h me inside of david zaslavs nutsack after disguising myself as a sperm cell GIF ALT 4F DiscussingFilm @DiscussingFilm 23h 'THE BATMAN 2' has been delayed to October 2, 2026. 92 4.4K 55K 3.8M

worms cited @christapeterso 15h say policy again USC Policies and Policy Governance USC Policies Policy Governance Policy Resources Policy on Policies 1. Policy Issued: May 2, 2011 20 232 4.8K 167K

m rroe @atomiracle• 1d Lasagna Al Gaib 4F DiscussingFilm @DiscussingFilm m.2/28/24 'Dune'-inspired poster for 'GARFIELD' In theaters on May 24. GARFIELD THE MOVIE 41 2.3K 37K 2.1M

jord'dib @sordijinger 12h strange girls. why ? were they born ? STRANGE GIRLS CAN THEY MARRY LIKE OTHER GIRLS HAVE CHILDREN ? BE HAPPY AS THEY ARE WHY? WERE THEY BORN RF YOU know LIK I KNOW- 25 1.4K 11K 259K

Lira Mercer @Lira_Galore_.20h Not me LINCOLN @Lincoln_UTD. 1d She doesn't drink, she doesn't party, she stays at home, who's she? 25 1K 1.9K 211K

aria @rnostardently· 5d women who are working and running errands on their 2nd day of period should be allowed to commit one murder and three arsons 70 13.4K 102K 1.6M

ava! @F41rygirl . 4d when i get overstimulated i i be wanting people to die and it's never that serious 101 22.8K 125K 2.7M

@kayinterrupted.19h Messy Facebook auntie wig Keisha MySonlsMyWorld Williams has sent you a friend request 5 656 5,723 141K

flower @marsfairyy 18h ... i literally cant stop saying sounds good to people 24 915 8,387 192K

Harrison Weinreb @harriweinr... .16h ... Friend meeting my newborn: omg what's his name Me: I don't know he won't tell us 2 59 1,219 27.1K

S. @newsfrmhome. 19h Why does Bradley Cooper play Leonard Bernstein like a homosexual Kramer 12 83 1,224 del 72.5K

bryan @taurusidiot.22h gambling addictions are so unserious if you don't download candy crush girl 9 965 13.5K 325K

things that i smoke weed to 4h ... The only person that can roll Everyone waiting to smoke 21 288 3,031 112K

Adam @YSylon 2d ... Ok so we taught the 1 y/o to say All done when he's finished eating. Не is also using it to tell people when he is over hanging out with them, and that's how I'm going to start using it, too. 52 1,732 33.4K du 666K

Brady @pebbut • 1h it's sickening how the british force their children to do the accent too 92 955 19.3K

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John Early Is Figuring Out How to Be Sincere

As the star of the sharp new indie ‘Stress Positions,’ the irreverent comic works in a more serious vein. He tells Cracked why he’s getting comfortable with being earnest — even if he’s scared everyone will think he’s pretentious

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