28 of the Funniest Tweets from Monday, February 19, 2024

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28 of the Funniest Tweets from Monday, February 19, 2024

George Santos might need to be a little more mindful of the Cameo requests he fulfills in the future. The disgraced congressman and self-proclaimed “icon” had some choice words for one Cameo buyer — Jimmy Kimmel. According to a lawsuit filed on Saturday, Santos didn’t know that the late-night host had requested videos that went on to be used on Jimmy Kimmel Live! in ways that “capitalized on and ridiculed” Santos’ “gregarious personality.” The New York Republican is seeking $750,000 in damages from Kimmel, ABC and the Walt Disney Company for copyright infringement, fraud, breach of contract and unjust enrichment — legal terms Santos is very familiar with at this point.

Santos and Kimmel aren’t the only politicians and late-night hosts who tussled this weekend. On last night’s episode of Last Week Tonight, John Oliver made a rousing offer to Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, with one stipulation — he has to retire. Oliver said that if the Republican judge resigns from the Supreme Court, he will pay Thomas a million dollars annually as well as give him a $2 million tour bus, which, of course, pokes fun at some of Thomas’ most recent transgressions. Oliver made sure to clarify that “this is not a joke” and waved a contract that Thomas has 30 days to accept. 

Meanwhile, over on the timeline, there’s a new batch of tweets definitely worth a million bucks (just don’t go quitting your day job, kids). Today’s funniest tweets include those about a city that goes bananas, a deeply profound personal essay and taxes that will get filed… eventually.

i'm soli @SoliSolstice. 10h 12 angry men is so cool. i wish convincing people with reasonable evidence and logical arguments was real 68 4.4K 36K del 1.1M

@itssherifield @itssherifield . 1d ... My daughter has a terrible mouth and I don't know where the fuck she's learning this shit. 46 137 1.2K 49K

milo edwards @Milo_Edwards 10h imagining a british porn bot replying to tweets like MY MINGEIN BIO 50 574 7.5K 206K

michael @FilledwithUrine - 21h ...  you know if you talked to me i wouldnt tell anyone right 17 4K 18K 443K

LITE X @lightskinmoh 16h I'd spend the whole 6 minutes trying to pick a song Moh @moh__mi 16h If you had 6 minutes left to live, what's the last song you'd listen to? 29 4.3K 22K du 1M

teryn @youngtiddy· 1d hello sharks. im here today asking for $20 to get chipotle 81 7,164 78.8K del 2.9M

SorryHat Uttornen at Chost... 17h ... I think of you've never eaten a gas station cheese burger you shouldn't get to make any government decision. AZ CHEESEBURGER IM OF BIG AZ CHEESEBURGER BEEF CHARRADE WITH CHEESE NETWT 8.90 OZ 202g BIG CHEESEBURGER AZ 682 3,559 31.5K 1.5M

Jenni @hashjenni . 1d ... my brain at 3am: Let's review your mistakes! 38 5.1K 16K 533K

@offdapercc 20h I don't flirt I just stare at you like this 8 4.6K 106K 937

Yanda CATOO ET @4y4nda 1d GAY+ LESBIAN ORGANISATION OF THE LATERSRAN My search history is filled with me googling regular words just making sure I'm using them right 122 9.1K 37K 972K

vivi @bbvivi_. 1d are u hard? yeah hard to love 30 3.1K 9.7K 278K

LiXes @AbleLikes. 20h My oldest son just walked in the kitchen and said Check out these bad boys! and his younger brother yelled Ooooohhh! Sweet! and they were talking about rocks they found this weekend. 45 29 728 17K

meghan @deloisivete 19h ... Told my husband I was going to Target for a few things and he said like what and wow, rude 25 135 1.8K 62K

fran fine. @COURTMICHELE.20h i'm nosey but idk if i'm a 50 part tik tok nosey. 82 3K 8.2K 2.5M

lesbian mothman @verysmallriver . 1d the long-lasting relationship between a woman and the athletic shorts she bought in 7th grade at her parents' house 10 335 5.1K 140K

Maggie @maggiecg12 . 1d ... I did my taxes kind of and saw the number I owed going up up up and just closed out of the window and pretended like it was not happening 11 38 1K 144K

Republic of Kiribati @KiribatiGov. 14h Fine. You're not invited @VoxDocVoxDei· 2d ta Doctora I think Kiribati just gave up when it came time to name cities. London Banana Paris Poland Kiribati 1.3K 30K 398K 18M

@teaandrobots . 22h angery foosh this baby can list every English war crime from memory The author, Séamas O'Reilly @shockp... 3/17/20 For those saying my son looks Irish. That photo is not even in the top ten. May I present, at seven months old, my precious little pintbaby. GUINNESS 38 3.4K 54K 2.3M

@cattonquick 17h ... explain this then PUBLICIST CH GIF the canonical Dionysus @sillydionysus. 5d Replying to @everyponie MEN CANNOT BE LESBIANS MEN CANNOT BE LESBIANS MEN CANNOT BE LESBIANS MEN CANNOT BE LESBIANS MEN CANNOT BE LESBIANS... 2 259 3.8K 123K

rob @OkButStill 5h this is what it's like to be a white house staffer My 84 years old friend want some love 19,852 likes parrotsbyash It remains a tremendous honor to care for an 84-year-old parrot like Koko. Considering all that this bird has experienced, it remains so impressive that he is still alive. Koko enieve movimu.m freedom box :- 3 102 1.5K 40K

Sergio Muñoz Esquer @ElSergioMunoz 20h BAFTA giving Best Film Not in the English Language to a British film FILM UPDATES Film Updates @FilmUpdates 1d 'THE ZONE OF INTEREST' wins Best Film Not in the English Language at the #EEBAFTAs 15 595 12K 622K

Honey I smoked the mids @vibecheka.20h no, i can think of one very, very, important makeup rule Happy Happy lite Life 3d Tutorial that takes date night makeup to the next level F MAKEUP HAS NO RULES 30 907 37K 783K

MovieBoy @movieboy69.2h The company I keep Popular with friends THE IRON CLAW NORBIT Hal SHALLOW MA M 3 41 1.4K 34K

bowser @browserdotsys 20h ... finally got around to reading this and you guys are being way too harsh. this could happen to any of us FIRST PERSON FEB. 15, 2024 The Day My Dad Put His Hands Over His Face and Disappeared But then he put his hands down and came back?! By Charlotte Cowles, the Cut's financial-advice columnist. 21 405 7K 179K

Jackeyeguy @Jackeyeguy 21h ... Im gonna blow my brains out Rosa ain't give up her seat So why should we give up our PHONES 00 121 107 941 24K 420K

baz. @CocaineHousecat 16h Doing my sickest Borat impression for the ladies 44 1.8K 38K 1.4M

SeRIOUS @images_i_hate. 16h God: Adam & Eve 4:33 How | stopped sponsoring Adam and Eve ... Little Joel 443K views 1 year ago 14 2.3K 30K 388K

erika @yeeeerika 19h ... my face when you're explaining the rules of a card game ALT 88 4.1K 32K 1M

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