21 Patients Who Had Way Too Much Fun in the Hospital

‘I puked on my baby’
21 Patients Who Had Way Too Much Fun in the Hospital

It can be scary when a loved one is in the hospital. Thankfully then, it can really take the edge off to learn that, while there, your loved one made toothpaste-and-toilet-paper sandwiches instead of abiding by the “no eating” rule after surgery (the former patient regrets his choice of sandwich, by the way). 

Redditors from far and wide have made the rounds and giggled about the funniest things they’ve done or witnessed as hospital patients, and quite a few of these tales would give a Scrubs plot a run for its money.  

SaltCreep67 . 2y Not me but my straight arrow dad. Не was recovering from a triple bypass, and he was wacked out on serious drugs. There was a faint hissing from the oxygen canula in his nose. Не heard the hissing but he thought it was coming from the fingers of his left hand. Не was holding his hand in front of his face, staring at it in amazement. My fingers are hissing! he exclaimed. Then held his hand out so my mother and I could listen too. (Не sobered up by morning and lived another 5 years). ... 1
Practical-Rub-4413 . 1y One time I had bad diarrhea and I went to the doctors for a checkup. Well the doctor was used the thing to hit my knee and I had to fart so bad and couldn't hold it any longer, so as soon as he hit my knee I let the most god awful fart out ever and I literally shit on myself. ... 61
mike_e_mcgee . 2y After my appendectomy, they told me that walking around would help me get out of the hospital quicker, so I started walking around. I was doing laps around the hall pretty well. Eventually someone saw me and gave me pants. I don't know why I didn't think to ask for pants, this was well after the anesthetic wore off. I was bare assed, they told me I should walk, I walked bare assed. ... 2
 . 2y Snuck in diet soda and instant coffee powder which was contraband in the eating disorder unit. Wild times, wild times. ... 365
Wienerwrld . 2y Back in the days before cable, my husband made me bring in a VCR and hooked it up to the in-room tv so he could watch movies. The hospital administrators put up a big stink, but couldn't point to any reason why this wasn't allowed, so they let him keep it. Several other patients followed suit. ... 765
thecasualwatcher 2y Woke up on the operating table. 8 years old. Proceeded to unintentionally roll/fall off the table (I still don't know how), and then scream like a tiny, toothless demon (I had some teeth removed) as I attempted to crawl to the theatre door. I didn't move at all, just screamed like a banshee. Then I woke up in the recovery room, so I have no idea what happened, lol. My parents bought me a Monopoly boardgame, though, which made the whole experience worth it. ... 1
curiousplume . 1y At the dermatologist. Left the exam room (while still waiting for the doctor) to ask for some water. Returned to the wrong room. Walked in on a dick. I said I am so SORRY as I turned to leave. Dude whose dick was out was like s'ok. Could not have sounded less concerned. I would not have been half as cool if the roles were reversed and he saw a boob or something. ... 37
The_Powerful_Tacos  2y I was coming out of anesthesia after septum surgery, and they must have given me some primo shit, because I was so out of it when I woke up, that when my fiance came in to get the post-op care info from the surgeon, I was telling her about how I was playing beep beep beep game. When she asked what beep beep beep game was, I stopped breathing until my 02 sats dropped low enough to set off the alarm. I told her how I would play beep beep beep game until a nurse would come in
am_with_stupid . 2y I always made fun of a friend who told me Dwayne the rock Johnson had visited her after surgery. Then I had surgery, I experienced some WEIRD halluicnations. My eyes were closed while I was talking to visitors, opened my eyes and I was alone in my hospital bed. Drugs are a hell of a drug. ... 1.4k
thedankbank1021 2y Was in a snowboarding accident. Turns out when you get a concussion it can cause priapism. I also fucked up my knee. And the nurse cutting off my pants was a 20 something smokeshow. So there she was being professional as hell, when I felt the need to address it. I basically said I don't know why it's doing that. And she looked me dead in the eye and said I do. Speechless. ... 6
legoguy26 . 1y We had this one patient frequent the ED. Every time he came in (2-3 times per month) he had a large mag lite flashlight stuck up his ass. Не would drive himself there with this 8 inch light... up his ass. Every time it was taken out, the light was on... Every time he was discharged, he would ask for the flashlight back.. ... 317
Gearshifta . 2y I had a bad blood infection and all matter of drugs were pumped into my system. The most beautiful silver- haired nurse would come to check up on me throughout the night and talk to me. Turned out there was no silver haired nurse and I was just hallucinating. Some people have told me it was an Angel but I'm not a religious person so I really don't know. ... 2.6k
SexySanguinius1683 . . 2y Was having a blood sample taken, as soon as the needle went in I screamed from the pain and punched through the drywall, I still don't know why I overreacted ... 1
Diabet1cRage . 2y I was 10, and in a very dangerous high blood sugar keto acidosis recovery, while I was aloud to be outside of my room, me and a cancer patient the same age raced down the halls in wheelchairs, smoked his ass ... 1
tubeboye . 2y Only had one surgery but I was really concerned about voldemort's health and wondering if nosebleeds were a problem for him (I had my nose cauterized) ... 440
ToastedCheezer . 2y Forget to tell them I had sleep apnea and they all came rushing in in the middle of the night when my monitor said I stopped breathing...temporarily. ... 2
xscumfucx . 2y My Dad's always been rather determined + resourceful no matter the situation. When he was in the hospital + told he couldn't eat he made toilet paper + toothpaste sandwiches. Не does not recommend them. ... 277
Tjodleik . 2 2y Was in isolation due to a staph infection, and decided to find out how many times I could jack off in an hour. Turned out my limit was 9 times, and I instantly regretted it when I went to pee. ... 1
drawingablankhere93 . 2y I puked on my baby when they handed him to me, and they cry-screamed at the nurses about why they would hand me a child. To many pain meds ... 1
ThePrevailer . 2y Punched my uncle, peed on nurses, cussed out my dad. Traumatic brain injuries are nuts. ... 2.3k
 . 2y I had major rib surgery a few months ago. They said I could sip water the day of but when I'm nervous, I drink water. I tried to be empty before the anesthesia but apparently right after they knocked me out I pissed everywhere! Whoops. .. 479


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