27 of the Funniest Tweets from the Week of January 29, 2024

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27 of the Funniest Tweets from the Week of January 29, 2024

This week might have felt never-ending, but there’s some good news on the horizon. Deep in the heart of Pennsylvania (Gobbler’s Knob, to be precise), the world’s second most famous rodent emerged from his tree stump shadowless, which means an early spring is headed our way. Huzzah!

Things are decidedly less cheery, however, back in Manhattan as everyone is still reeling from one of the most vicious attacks ever seen on live TV. During an appearance on the Today show to discuss his now-infamous viral mental health check-in, Elmo was interrupted by none other than Curb Your Enthusiasm creator Larry David. In what felt like an episode of Curb, David squeezed the little muppet’s face and mimed a right hook mid-interview to the horror of Hoda Kotb and Savannah Guthrie. Elmo took the blows in stride and told David to take a seat on the couch to discuss his feelings, which, after all, is what Elmo’s entire segment was supposed to be about. The cue that let everyone know that this was real-life Larry David and not fictionalized “Larry David” was the fact that the actor ended up taking accountability and apologizing to the Muppet. 

The insane news of the week was rivaled only by some insanely funny tweets. This week’s most hilarious ones included those about an op-ed by the Big Bad Wolf, an Amy Adams/Always Sunny crossover and Dry January’s natural successor. 

daphne du maurier stan @lanuitamericain . 1d ... People are always shocked when you tell them that Kafka was in fact horny as hell vivian @blewmarine.2d oh! why did kafka never marry All Images Videos News Books Shopping Kafka never married. According to Brod, Kafka was tortured by sexual desire, and Kafka's biographer Reiner Stach states that his life was full of incessant womanising and that he was filled with a fear of sexual failure. Kafka visited brothels for most of his adult life and was interested in pornography. 89 28K 2.3K 1.2M

Sophie Ellis-Bextor @SophieEB.2d Again, not fake news. FSN Fake Showbiz News @FakeShowbizNews. 3d Sophie Ellis-Bextor says at the age of 44 she feels too old to learn any new board games. I'm done, she told reporters 285 2K 48K 2.9M

Ethan Dragon @ethandragonVA.22h Judd Apatow @JuddApatow Не could have killed him. That's pure out of control rage and violence. They've heard a million jokes about them in the last three decades. They are not freshman in the world of Hollywood and comedy. Не lost his mind. 4F DiscussingFilm @DiscussingFilm - 1 1d Larry David attacks Elmo on live TV. Somebody had to do it! 0:52 IN WITH ELMO 14 3.5K 35K 1.8M

Brian Lynch @BrianLynch . 20h ... Right when Larry David ends his show, he comes up with a plotline that would fuel an entire season: Larry assaults a beloved puppet on live television 11 311 5.1K 179K

kaylee!! @kalesus_ 6d ... Busy day coming up valentine's day plans masturbate let it linger 58 7.8K 57K 1.6M

girl dennis reynolds @paddysr... 14h ... daybitch (aah-aah-aAAh) fighter of the nightbitch (aah-aah-aAAh) champion of the sun FILM LIPOATES Film Updates @Film... 20h Marielle Heller's 'NIGHTBITCH,' starring Amy Adams, will be released this fall. The thriller follows a woman who is convinced she is turning into a dog. 53 2,602 33.3K 1.8M

zach silberberg @zachsilberb... . 2 21h ... dry january is over. let sopping wet february begin 19 3,004 23.9K 829K

gilbert @memetazaa 18h ... born to say YIPPIIEEEEE forced to say LETS FUCKING GOOO 64 13.8K 79.8K du 1.8M

FLEA @babyibeenajoint-1 1d ... minimum wage in switzerland is $24? lemme go change my name to hinga ding durgen. 290 7,081 69.3K 3.4M

The Jay Agenda @JayJurden.8 8h ... This angle is insane 17 1,126 16.5K 397K

Lindsey @Lynn_Cocoa.12h DOB NEWS BBC News (World) 000 NEWS MORLI 13h Should more British homes be built using straw? bbc.in/42nrbtm 15 1,798 17.2K 571K

mrs papaw @mrsballs69.10h ecm 1 I want to kiss someone The two people my parents hated the most were themselves and each other. As a combination of the two, I never stood a chance. Guess I'll choke MYSELF while I masturbate 57 4,867 32.7K 743K

feral goblin @micaelacoletta 12h ... The Monkey Helps The Pigeon The Monkey Helps The Pigeon 19 275 2,033 59.4K

Malik EL. !? @maliktheoracle- 17h ... your unemployed friend at 3pm on a Thursday: What should I write on this ducks sign Goth pussy? 18 2,118 41.8K 1M

drusilla @nocturnalbones 19h ... Stepping out 235 2,721 23.7K 707K

h @ipodmacbook.16h doing dishes and had the thought the sink helps you with water. such a hauntingly dimwitted sentence to produce that im actually a bit frightened now. there's no way the brain that produced that thought is capable of making something of my life. time will tell 19 575 7,292 180K

Branson Reese @bransonr... 16h ... Me in 2003: Jack and Meg White are brother and sister and also they are divorced My friend: Dude they found weapons of mass destruction 2 160 2,096 93.9K

chase @_chase 12h hey do u want to come over and google stuff 34 3,541 28.2K del 778K

ceeks @70Ceeks.1 12h how much lead is in these cups Sister Mary Clarence @T....16h They cut the bottoms of their shoes out to walk barefoot. CG TikTok a cinisufritz we decided to start walking barefoot 351 8,622 129K 5.4M

lu @lucy_bottari - 1d la de poor things 19:50 La de poor things 19:50 78 1,487 21K 506K

ana @TheeBebecita 15h pls don't text me at 4pm in the morning im just waking up damn 35 2,642 16.9K 438K

tori @doritenholm.1 11h me: Jeremy Allen White: You can reply to this conversation 106 7,044 112K del 2.5M

cloudy @cyber_bunnie 19h i drink dr pepper in much more meaningful and profound way than you can understand 90 6,029 23.7K del 771K

чай @fatpussyhex.2 21h ... fav coworker off i actually have to work today GIF 24 16.1K 1,366 479K

wyatt dunkin @WyattDuncan - 1 14h ... vince vaughn reading this: V Variety @Variety 14h Bradley Cooper Says Watching Vince Vaughn on 'Wedding Crashers' Set 'Changed Me Forever': Не Was 'Absolutely Willing to Fail' Take Afte... 18 368 9,520 814K

rayne fisher-quann @raynefq 16h ... two minutes into walk: the weather is simply delightful today.. The birds chirp, the sun shines... the natural world beckons and i answer the call three minutes into walk: there are things that have been done to me that can never be undone 14 5,819 39.8K du 1M

L @Leago_km 20h This is crazy. I thought boyfriends were supposed to be on your side. НА НА ? Baby you know I listened to this whole voice note and everything was your fault. I can't believe this, oh my days Reply Copy Translate A & More... 343 3,933 40.9K 1.8M

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