28 of the Funniest Tweets from Wednesday, January 31, 2024

By:
28 of the Funniest Tweets from Wednesday, January 31, 2024

If he’s not the most famous man named Steve, funny man Steve Martin is staking his claim to the title with a new mononymic documentary. With the help of Morgan Neville, who is no stranger to documenting the lives of famous people, Martin is joining the likes of Albert Brooks and Mary Tyler Moore with the forthcoming STEVE! (martin). Split into two distinct parts, the first film tracks Martin’s ascent in stand-up through archival footage before allowing us to see his “quest for personal fulfillment” in the second film. Not only is Neville hoping to shed new light on the Only Murders actor, but he’s doing so in groundbreaking fashion. Each half of the project was composed of entirely different teams that weren’t allowed to see each other’s work with the end game being “a singular picture of a singular artist.” No matter what order you decide to watch the film in, it’s set to premiere on March 29th on Apple TV+.

Apparently not one to learn from his own parable, Steven Spielberg is assisting Universal Studios with its Epic Universe expansion, which will involve five immersive experiences drawing on the likes of Super Nintendo, Harry Potter and How to Train Your Dragon, a futuristic world called Celestial Park and a movie monster-inspired jaunt in the Dark Universe. Universal Destinations & Experiences CEO Mark Woodbury describes the project as “the most technologically advanced park (they’ve) ever done.” Thrill seekers will be able to walk through portals and transport to other worlds when the park opens in 2025. 

Until then, we’re getting our thrills on the timeline thanks to some hysterical tweets. Today’s funniest ones include those about a special American tradition, a neighborhood’s famous stew and perhaps the greatest free thinker of our generation.

@ZoeRoseB... 1d ... Zoë Rose Bryant me drawing dakota johnson and paul mescal from memory POP CRAVE Pop Crave @PopCrave. 1d Jack Harlow & Julia Roberts stun in new photo. F37 146 11K 233K 7.7M

manuel @manuelsgarden 18h ... picked her up for chickfila breakfast and she was wearing these??? 141 1,240 26.8K 886K

Jordan Hoffman @jhoffman 12h ... We continue to interview celebrities and artists but the truth is that nothing, ever, will top this exchange. (I think about this at a minimum of once a week.) JESSE EISENBERG: People on the street say mean things to me. INTERVIEWER: Like what? JESSE EISENBERG: I get called Napoleon Dynamite because I have curly hair. I live in New York City and I ride a bicycle. I always bike down 9th Avenue and there's this kid who goes to school there named Abraham. Every time I pass him, he calls me Napoleon Dynamite. Не screams

via @atrophicbtrfly· 16h my ex gf is crazy she asked you to do ПЛОХ your own laundry didn't she 12 138 1,319 45.2K

Sam Adler-Bell @SamAdlerBell.14h ... It is your right, as an American, to invent your own accent. Bob Dylan and many other great Americans have done this, and you can too. 26 206 2,299 del 118K

ava! @F41rygirl 15h you should be able to kill yourself for 7 days as a trial to see if you like it 151 16.4K 110K 2.2M

Decay @m0nstermf- 22h ... i i was supposed to be 6'1 but the evil in my soul dragged me down 20 3.8K 17K 494K

Mclilja Do Dallas @LilyLilja67727 23h Dude imagine brian eno had a brother called Phillip 15 229 2.5K del 114K

zou bisou bisou where are you @lilgrapefruits 1d A couple weeks ago someone i had just had sex with sincerely asked me what the word introspective meant and ever since i haven't been able to shake the feeling that i i committed some sort of crime 57 582 18K del 1M

olivia @oliviuuuuhh . 1d imagine being a thin mint. famously thin and everybody loves you 20 270 4.8K 142K

JDPON Romita @RaceplayShawty 23h ... Shawty I linked with keep texting me asking for some money 12:57 Maybe: Nikki Haley now NH Hey Cole, it's Nikki Haley. There's a lot being said about me right now. | wan... 10 530 15K 449K

alex @shyhungaIpha•1 16h DOWN TOWN DALLAS PolkaDot GRAMS OF MUSHROOM MUSHROOM BELGIAN CHOCOLATE Cinnamon Toast Grunch Bout to slam this surely nothing can go АННННННННННННННН wrong Rob DenBleyker @RobDenBleyker - 1d people go on and on about the Chicago Bean while nobody seems to care that Dallas has a horrifying giant eyeball 34 32K 2.5K du 2.1M

Ash @H1TWOM4N . 23h Dawg... Today Hey there's another account using your pics to catfish. Just thought you should know 17:45 You accepted the request Could you link me~ 17:57 •Sent 2 new messages Of course @NASA cuz ur outta this world 17:57 509 6.4K 149K 7.1M

girl dennis reynolds @paddysroyco . 6h 11:09 i'm a boy in love with Likes 6802 Comments 111 bluelily,lilyblue WHAT? Omg i need to catch up now. So is MacDennis confirmed? 2023-7-5 Reply bluelily,lilyblue formallyacowfrog unfortunately no, Dennis is just Catfishing Mac so he can remotely control Macs v*brator 59m Reply 6 185 1.8K 44K

bails @baytato 1d LAURA - My friend ran over a Stanley this morning by accident.. DERN dare I call it Flat Stanley STANLEY 152 3.5K 89K del 2.7M

The Jay Agenda @JayJurden 1d Deadnaming this app every chance I get ckay @ckayszn 3d OGs call it twitter, real people call it X What do you call it? X Twitter X 40 597 7.8K 249K

carmeb @therealcbrad.21h ... My Dr. office's list of preferred languages goes crazy Paciente * Dzongkha Eastern Frisian Edo; Bini Efik РОСС Egyptian (Ancient) Ekajuk Elamite English 00003 English, Middle P del padre/tut (1100-1500) le English, Old (ca.450-1100) 14 152 66K 2.5K

ash @heythatsmeash . 1d Looking at apartments and all of the reviews on this one mention ominous Bullies Oct. 10, 2017 Don't rent Not the place to live if you don't want to deal with bullies. 57 People Found This Helpful Was this helpful? 10 350 10K 333K

Todd @Themasterpeach 18h ... *6 year old me showing social worker my action figures* This is Randy Orton. This Undertaker. Here's Rey Mysterio. He's small but I like him best. Social worker: do you like living just with your mom? Me: *through gritted teeth* mom says I can't play with Chris Benoit anymore 59 3K 34K 1.5M

clare @sadderlizards - 1 18h i'm not suffering in silence i'm suffering loudly and annoyingly 9 4.7K 17K 455K

shoshka @cherubiim_ 19h ... my sister told me that she doesn't read philosophy bc she creates her own theories and thoughts, many of us could learn from this 24 515 4.8K 152K

Adam @adamgreattweet. 1d ... i'll take one prescription-strength hotdog please PRESCRIPTIONS M.D. P HOT DOGS 139 5.1K 46K 2.2M

James Colley @JamColley 12h A beautiful, inspiring message from the airport parking machine 20 Please pay displayed amount: $ 31.90 Change is possible Receipt с 19 748 17K 421K

bob dylan paul & simon @wowzowee 17h love love love college radio. it would be 9am on a wednesday and i would get to say stuff like hey guys this next track is pretty personal. i listened to it after a male gynecologist told me i had an antibacterial resistant uti. anyway here's suzanne by leonard cohen- 3 180 3.1K del 106K

xanath.fm @xanathgum 1d ... me in case i run into earl grey OI entropy @ennntropy 1d 84 8.1K 73K 3.5M

Fred Delicious @Fred_Delicious 1d surprised this isn't bigger news, RIP The Eras Tour @tswifterastour. 2d Keleigh Teller and Kylie Kelce possibly shot by Taylor Swift! 44 2K 48K 4.8M

Alan Wagner @truewagner 1d ... At least all my neighbors are on the same page for once... HOW TO PUNISH MY DAUGHTER? My daughter is biting hair! I'm a single father so I don't have the maternal instinct. CALLING ALL MOMS... Best way to tell her this is not ok with out being too harsh? Please write the answer: Feed her a stew that Makes her blind Feed her a Stew that makes her go Blind for 1 day Stew that blinDs her For A DAY Feed Her A Type of Stew that Makes her Blind For 1 Day 1 Day Blinding Stew

PizzaDilf @TokyoDilf. 16h ... Show me the Hole Wizard Swept Cut truded Hole Revolved Lofted Cut Cut Wizard Cut Boundary Cut mensio Hole Wizard ulatio Advanced Hole Thread Stud Wizard 177 3.7K 35K 1.4M

Tags

Scroll down for the next article

MUST READ

Forgot Password?