14 of the Funniest Burns from the Week of January 1, 2024

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14 of the Funniest Burns from the Week of January 1, 2024

2024 has already witnessed a consumer craze the likes of which we haven’t seen since Beanie Babies first debuted in the 1990s. The Stanley cup, particularly the humble 40-ounce Quencher H20 tumbler, has been flying off shelves thanks to its sudden designation as a must-have item. The Stanley brand, which has been around for a hundred years, has experienced a shift in its target demographic from campters and the working class to TikTokers, nurses and soccer moms everywhere. 

Thanks to limited-edition offerings and store-specific colorways of its reusable water bottle, the brand’s annual revenue has grown from $70 million to well over $750 million. The tumbler, which generally retails for $45, has been spotted on eBay and StockX selling at a 400-percent markup. As the timeline grapples with confusion around the hysteria over a water bottle, it also pointed out that a random girl at a Target in the middle of Wisconsin has done something that the Vancouver Canucks have yet to do: Secure a Stanley Cup. In fact, the surge in the water bottle’s popularity has inspired a wide array of jokes at the expense of hockey players and fans alike as the product shares a name with the NHL’s top prize. 

But the Canucks — and the entire hockey-playing nation of Canada for that matter — are in good company when it comes to the funniest burns this week. Other targets included an industry photographer who is miraculously still employed, the MLB player who should throw in the towel instead of another pitch and the child whose destiny turned out to be a G.O.A.T.

@SolRadiant7 . 12h I mean, y'all be gay and I never see y'all with boyfriends... AMERICA HAS A PROBLEM @ctrltx 15h how yall bisexual and i only see yall with men? 99 861 3.7K 183K

hay @spookyghourl. 20h ... Well there's also the Canucks emily @witchy_crossing 1d am I the only person left on this planet that doesn't own a Stanley cup?? 70 677 9.5K 799K

Tore up @JustAoKAY 13h I went to a sleepover and we wanted to perform this song. wanted to be Michelle SOOOO bad that was always my favorite. It was 4 of us so obviously it wasn't gonna work. They looked me dead in the face and said you can be Lil Wayne. I snatched my CD OUT!! 525 Days Without The Visuals @sta... 17h this was HER performance okay CC 0:27 3.1K 21K 449 1.2M

Mar1anne @SZSPIRIA 5d Culkins would bite but skarsgards would cannibalise jesse @bIuesykes 2/20/23 which set of brothers are winning in a fight, the skarsgards or the culkins 43 1.9K 29K 1.3M

Hoodie Maybin @HoodieMaybin - 18h FIELDS barely 90 with a crow hop go be with your family dude Driveline Baseball @DrivelineBB.20h Dallas Keuchel looking great in a recent plyocare velo CC 902 0:11 98 349 9.4K 2.2M

before guys @RickRossPizza 2d They said Wiz Khalifa looks like Roger from American Dad and I can't unsee it 588 12K 122K 5.2M

bЯyan @murderxbryan.3d Some people like me Creepy.org @CreepyOrg 4d What's something you have that the richest man in the world doesn't? 6 24 492 22K

august @regularaugust. 4d This Lars von Trier box set cover looks like a Netflix comedy special where all the jokes are about being canceled b Blu-ray Disc TM Artificial Eye SHOCK &AWE FOUR FILMS BY LARS VON TRIER 18 SCANNAN NIGHT BREAKINGTHE WAVES ANTICHRIST biblio this the MELANCHOLIA 18 NYMPHOMANIAC Holio bole TM VOLUME 1 & VOLUME II Blu-ray Disc 60 836 11K 796K

i'm normal @boners 1d ... I kinda like all the really dogshit ugly n horrible Juergen Teller photos... it's a test to see who chooses to serve even in really bad lighting n with strange n off putting props n settings.... it shames humiliates n humbles these beautiful celebs... he's holding that broccoli FILM UPDATES Film Updates @FilmUpdates.2 2d Charles Melton photographed by Juergen Teller for W Magazine's Best Performances Issue W CHARI ES MELTON 123 2.5K 109K 4

The Jay Agenda @JayJurden 11h Charles genes came like a thief in the night Clarine @BIGPIKLIZ. 15h Diana ate down i fear 20 229 3.7K del 176K

timothée inshallahmet @l0tswife. 3d this is what Lebanese news casters look like C- @evadentz. 4d this picture. в в с LONDON HERTFORDSHIRE EALING MARINGEY - ESSEX NEWHAM UNIVERSITY 96 6 1.8K 153K

Rodger Sherman @rodger 22h RoadRodge Waiting outside for a few hours for a Stanley cup isn't so MoneyLion - bad...... the entire nation of Canada has been waiting for one since 1993. Folks Dexerto @Dexerto. 1d People are camping outside Target at 4am for the Starbucks X Stanley cups CC TikTok @ whoslutugirl_2 COME WITH ME TO GET THE STANLEY X STARBUCKS CUP 1:54 87 2K 31K 3.1M

Brett @SaladinoWRLD. 4d This is like announcing LeBron James has made the all star team The Calvin Coolidge Project @TheCalvin... 4d Just in: Bill Clinton name is expected to appear in the Epstein list once some of the members become public. Clinton is named as Doe 36 in more than fifty redacted filings. 74 54K 4K 4.1M

TOMMIE @TOMMIWORLDWIDE. 3d This photo genuinely scares me bc I've been with enough older men at dinner to know that he's ready for me to finish my chicken parm so we can go back to his room at Best Western and slow kiss with different confusing rhythms for an hour 515 1.8K 24K 1.5M
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