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30 Times the Leader of the Free World Was a Nasty Little Freak

Freakazoid-in-chief

30 Times the Leader of the Free World Was a Nasty Little Freak

December 18, 2023

We’re not just talking about how these guys liked to get naughty in (and out) of the bedroom — although there’s plenty of that. The dudes we collectively put in charge of everything may be, statistically, the weirdest, nastiest lil freakazoids in the history of the planet. They’ve spent an inordinate amount of time, and a nearly unfathomable amount of our money, fussing over everything from golf to aliens.

They might look like they know what they’re doing, but the truth is they’re just as jacked up in the brain as the rest of us. The difference is: They have the resources and the global platform to pull off their very dumbest ideas.

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30

John Q. Adams thought the Earth was hollow. Не greenlighted an expedition to prove it, at taxpayer expense. CRACKED.COM Adams, 2010. Memoirs of John Quincy Adams. — Source

29

Zachary Taylor died from eating too many cherries. Taylor drank an entire pitcher of milk and ate a huge bowl of cherries at a Fourth of July picnic. By July 9, he was dead. Scientists exhumed his body in 1980 to check for poisoning, but concluded that it was the cherries and milk that killed him. GRACKED.COM http://millercenter.org/president/taylor/essays/blography/6 — Source

28

Reagan's schedule From was 1981 set tyby astrology. X m through 1989, Reagan consulted astrologer Joan Quigley before scheduling any events. According to her book, she was in P charge of picking the dates for all press conferences, most speeches, State of the Union addresses, the au take-offs and landings of Air Force One, and presidential debates, based on astrology. CRACKED.COM http://www.encyclopedia.com/topic/Joan_Quigley.aspx — Source

27

Herbert Hoover demanded that White House staff be invisible. Any time Hoover or the First Lady entered a room, White House servants were expected to jump into the nearest closet, to avoid being seen. CRACKED.COM http://www.classroomhelp.com/lessons/Presidents/hoover.html — Source

26

30 Times the Leader of the Free World Was a Nasty Little Freak — Source

25

John Adams and Benjamin Franklin once shared a bed (and spent the night arguing like an old married couple). While traveling to a peace conference in 1776, Adams and Franklin were forced to take shelter for the night at a roadside inn. After discovering that there was only one bed left, the two snuggled down together... and immediately started fighting about whether the room's window should be open or closed. The argument only ended when Franklin launched into such a boring lecture about the health benefits of cold air that it put Adams to sleep. CRACKED.COM — Source

24

George Washington had his own version of Yelp. While traveling the country, Washington would write scathing reviews of the inns and public houses that he stayed in. Не described one as not a good House... intolerable bad Road, while another was deemed not very inviting. The nicest review he gave might be for the tavern which was a better house than the appearances indicate, but it's hard to take that as a compliment. CRACKED.COM — Source

23

Richard Nixon (unwittingly) helped keep Deep Throat out of prison. When Mark Felt was put on trial in 1980 for ordering FBI agents to perform illegal searches, Nixon testified in his defense and donated money towards his legal expenses. After Felt was later pardoned, Nixon even sent him a bottle of champagne and a congratulatory note saying, Justice ultimately prevails. In 2005, Felt revealed that he was Deep Throat -- the informant who helped uncover Watergate and break Nixon's presidency. CRACKED.COM — Source

22

Benjamin Harrison was terrified of electricity. After electric lighting was first installed in the White House in 1891, Harrison and his wife Mary were so afraid of being electrocuted by this newfangled technology that they refused to use the light switches themselves, preferring to leave the job to their household staff. They had to have spent a decent amount of time sitting in the dark, right? CRACKED.COM — Source

21

The Cold War

Reagan and Gorbachev agreed to halt the Cold War if they were attacked by aliens. In an interview, former Soviet premier Mikhail Gorbachev revealed that in 1985, Reagan asked him whether the Soviets would help out the U.S. if it were attacked by aliens. I said, 'No doubt about it. Не said, 'We too. Why was this on his mind, you ask? Because Reagan was a big ol' sci-fi nerd. OR НЕ KNEW SOMETHING WE DIDN'T. CRACKED.COM — Source

20

Calvin Coolidge had a special breakfast time ritual. CRISPY CRUNCHY Mills General FLAKES WHEATIES WHOLE WHEAT Vaseline THE BREAKFAST OF PAY I jelly original PRESIDENTS After waking up, he liked to eat his breakfast - typically a bowl of boiled wheat and rye -- while a servant massaged his scalp with Vaseline. CRACKED COM — Source

19

While studying at Occidental College, Barack Obama had two poems published in the school's literary magazine. The first, Pop, is a touching piece about the bond between him and his grandfather. The second, Underground, is more... well... Underwater grottos, caverns Filled with apes That eat figs. Stepping on the figs That the apes Eat, they crunch. The apes howl, bare Their fangs, dance, Tumble in the Rushing water, Musty, wet pelts Glistening in the blue. When asked if Obama could've made it as a poet, one literary professor replied,...probably not. We kinda agree. CRACKED.COM — Source

18

Jimmy Carter slew an entire audience with a single joke... or so he thought. APPLAUSE In 1981, Carter opened a speech to an audience of Japanese college students with a joke that caused everyone to erupt into raucous laughter. When he later asked the translator what happened, the translator admitted that he never delivered the joke at all. So what did he tell the audience? President Carter told a funny story. Everyone must laugh. CRACKED.COM — Source

17

Harry Truman once threatened to break a music critic's nose. After Paul Hume, an editor for The Washington Post, wrote a scathing review of a show put on by Truman's daughter, Harry wrote him back a letter (on presidential letterhead, no less) calling him a frustrated old man, before threatening to break his nose... and his dick. Some day I hope to meet you. When that happens, you'll need a new nose, a lot of beefsteak for black eyes, and perhaps a supporter below! (A supporter is basically a jockstrap or truss.) CRACKED.COM — Source

16

JFK nearly sunk his presidential campaign with a single golf ball. While campaigning for president, JFK attacked his opponent for being an out-of-touch golfer... despite secretly being an amazing golfer himself. One day, however, he came within inches of hitting a hole-in-one, and even remarked to his golfing partner: If that ball had gone into that hole...the word would be out to the nation that another golfer was trying to get into the White House. CRACKED.COM — Source

15

Andrew Jackson crashed a ball with two prostitutes. When he was 18, Andrew Jackson - then XXX a hard-drinking layabout -- jokingly invited two prostitutes to his town's annual Christmas ball. This caused a major scandal... which only got worse when the prostitutes actually showed up. Не attempted to defuse the near-riotous situation by saying that he didn't think they'd accept his invite, although it's not clear whether his fellow townspeople bought this argument or ever invited him to a party again. CRACKED.COM — Source

14

Franklin D. Roosevelt is considered one of the top presidents of all time. Не steered us through the Depression and a war while developing a strong rapport with his public through his intimate Fireside Chats. НЕ WAS ALSO INTIMATE WITH ELEANOR'S SECRETARY. When Eleanor found out that FDR was sleeping with her secretary, Lucy Mercer, she offered him a divorce. Не refused. He's also rumored to have had affairs with his own secretary, Missy LeHand, and Princess Martha of Norway. CRACKED COM http :www.biography.com/news/fdr-and-his-women-21068973 — Source

13

Everyone liked Ike Eisenhower. Especially Kay Summersby, the English fashion model who served as his driver during World War II. SHE SAYS THEY WERE IN LOVE. After Eisenhower's death, Summersby published her memoirs. In her book, she says she and lke tried to have a baby, but lamented that he couldn't seal the deal because of his chronic erectile dysfunction. CRACKED COM Kay Summersby Morgan 1977 Past Forgetting My Love Affair with Dwight D Eisenhower — Source

12

Ever heard the Coolidge dejection It's a term used by sexologists, and is named after 30th president Calvin Coolidge. IT'S NAMED AFTER COOLIDGE'S BOREDOM WITH HIS WIFE. When Mrs. Coolidge was touring government chicken pens, she asked the man in charge if roosters copulate more than once a day. Dozens of times, was the reply. Please tell that to the president, Mrs. Coolidge requested. When the president passed the pens and was told about the rooster, he asked Same hen every time? Oh no, Mr. President, a different one each time. The president quipped, Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge. The — Source

11

Jimmy Carter is practically a saint. His presidency might have been unremarkable, but his work since he left office has been unmatched. LAYBO REAL MUC S BUT HIS HEART IS FULL OF LUST. In a 1976 Playboy interviewer, Carter said, I've looked on a lot of women with lust. I've committed adultery in my heart many times. Which seems almost adorable in retrospect - except that Carter's a born-again Christian and as such believes that gazing with lust is the same as adultery. CRACKED COM http //willrebbe commicrablog/2011/5/26/jimmy-carters-controversial-playboy-interview.html — Source

10

Ulysses S. Grant was famously modest. During the Civil War, he would shower inside his tent. НЕ MANAGED TO HAVE CHILDREN WITHOUT TAKING OFF HIS CLOTHES. Late into his 60s, Grant bragged that no one had seen him naked since he was a child, not even the nurses and aides who were assigned to help him in the war. Yet Grant had a wife. And four children. CRACKED COM Daniel O'Brien 2014 How to Fight Presidents Defending Yourself Against the Badasses Who Ran This Country — Source

9

John Quincy Adams was a badass. Не was a shrewd negotiator who maintained a fitness regimen that included swimming the Potomac naked every morning. НЕ WAS ALSO A BIG FAN OF OUTDOOR BONING. And he assumed Americans invented it. The art of making love, muffled up in furs, in the open air, with the thermometer at Zero, is a Yankee invention, said Adams. CRACKED COM Phyllis Lee Levin, 2015 The Remarkable Education of John Quincy Adams — Source

8

Grover Cleveland served two non-consecutive terms. He's the only U.S. President to hold that distinction. | WANT MY PAT During his first campaign, detractors would chant, Ma, ma, where's my pa? After Cleveland won, supporters retorted, Gone to the White House, ha ha ha. НЕ WAS ALSO THE CENTER OF A HUGE SEX SCANDAL. Cleveland had a relationship with a woman named Maria Halpin, who became pregnant. The papers of the time reported that he then had Halpin committed to a mental institution, and the child sent to an orphange. Cleveland defended his actions by saying he wasn't convinced he was — Source

7

Woodrow Wilson got engaged shortly after his wife passed away. Just 10 months after the death of his wife Ellen, the 28th president became engaged to Edith Galt. AND THE PRESS MADE ONE OF THE SNARKIEST TYPOS IN HISTORY. The morning after Wilson took Edith out to a play, the Washington Post reported: Rather than paying attention to the play, the President spent the evening entering Mrs. Galt. Presumably, they meant entertaining Mrs. Galt. CRACKED COM http //deadpresidents tumblr — Source

6

George Washington died of a chill, in 1799. The official story was that he'd caught cold while riding his horse in the snow. HISTORIANS SAY НЕ CAUGHT COLD BECAUSE HIS PANTS WERE DOWN. Harvard historian Karal Ann Marling says Washington caught cold while jumping out of a window with his britches in his hand, when he was caught with an overseer's wife at Mt. Vernon. British historian Arnold Toynbee says Washington contracted the chill visiting a black beauty in his slave quarters. CRACKED COM Nigel Cawthorne 1998 Sex Lives of the Presidents — Source

5

John Tyler was called the Accidental President. Не was William Henry Harrison's vice president, and became our 10th president when Harrison died. НЕ MADE MORE BABIES THAN ANY OTHER PRESIDENT. Tyler was married twice, and fathered 15 children. Не conceived the last one when he was 70. Tyler was born in 1790, yet two of his grandchildren are still alive today. CRACKED COM http h/www.classroomhelp. com/essons/Presidents/tyler.html — Source

4

Ronald Reagan is a beloved conservative icon. His boyish charm made him everyone's favorite grandpa, when he was in office. BUT HE'S BEEN ACCUSED OF RAPE. In Kitty Kelley's 1991 book Nancy Reagan: The Unauthorized Biography, actress Selene Walters claimed that Ronald Reagan forced her to have sex with him when he was president of the Screen Actors Guild in 1952. She confirmed the story in an interview with People magazine. CRACKED COM http://www state com/articles/news_and_politics/chatterbox/1999/03/gipper_the_ripper.html — Source

3

Kennedy was widely known for his affairs. Не famously whined that if he went more than three days without sex, he'd get severe headaches. AND ONE OF HIS MISTRESSES COURIERED MESSAGES TO THE MAFIA. Her name was Judith Exner, and she spent 18 months passing letters between JFK and a man she knew as Sam Flood. Flood was actually Sam Giancana, the bigtime Chicago mob boss. Exner didn't know what was inside the envelopes she ferried back and forth, but later testified that she thought they might involve a plot between the president and the mob to kill Fidel Castro. — Source

2

Lyndon Johnson was proud of his dick. Не called it Jumbo, and boasted that he had more women by accident than Kennedy had on purpose. AND НЕ USED IT FOR POLITICAL PURPOSES. When meeting with world leaders, Johnson would invite them to go skinny-dipping in the White House pool. His plan was to establish genital dominance by showing them his dong. CRACKED COM http //www badettitudes com/Organ.html — Source

1

Thomas Jefferson famously had an affair with Sally Hemings. The relationship spanned 37 years, despite Hemings being Jefferson's slave. AND НЕ WAS A RAT ABOUT IT. Jefferson fathered and subsequently denied several of Hemings' children, while giving speeches explaining how a white man marrying a black woman would produce a degradation to which no lover of his country, no lover of excellence in the human character can innocently consent. CRACKED COM Irving Wallace 1981 The Intimate Sex Lives of Famous People — Source

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