101 of the Funniest Tweets from 2023

No offense to Lisa Rinna
101 of the Funniest Tweets from 2023

This year has been a boon for comedy. Greta Gerwig’s fantastically plastic summer blockbuster Barbie wasn’t only the highest-grossing comedy of the year but also stood a pair of angled feet above every other release as the year’s highest-grossing film regardless of genre. Meanwhile, Saturday Night Live added fresh talent to its roster, new voices emerged in the stand-up scene and one allegedly handsome TikTok comedian got catapulted into the mainstream — for better or worse.  

But some of the year’s funniest comedy wasn’t found on TV or in theaters. In between their day jobs and drunken nights out, Twitter users have provided some of 2023’s best comedy — and did it in 280 characters or less. 

Without further adieu, here are the Hall of Fame level tweets that had us in stitches all year long…

Glow @gIowiny 15h one time i panicked and said p for prostitution samuel @bysamuelwood • .1d I need to learn the phonetic alphabet, I sound so dumb on calls when they ask to clarify 134 2,023 18.9K 1M
ok @slugcharmer19h nothing more thrilling than a beautiful woman turning to me in secret whispering can i say something mean 9 1,620 10.8K 231K
Koco Caine's Straw @tyjnick . 17h Friends who invite their partners to EVERYTHING... girl we are getting coffee LEAVE HIM IN THE CRATE 39 2,062 21.7K 644K
sage @unholyseraphim. 2h ... my roommate just sent this photo to our landlord to inform them of the ceiling leaking.... Banned: The server has automatically banned you for saying a bad word. You said: man where the fine ass penguin bitches at Okay ASTROLOGICAL SIGNE OF THE CHART 5 620 5,346 56.1K
megan @chismosavirus.2 20h a friend's boyfriend is not my friend... that is a coworker at best 342 14.9K 110K 3.3M
Never break kayfabe @Tripol... 16h ... Why you eating like a Rottweiler GIFTED. @IMGIFTEDBTC.2 23h Hamburger meat and mustard, I gets down ion play 116 3,901 42.6K 2.1M
POZOLE PRINCESS @hot_cod... 23h ... Matt rife : nobody takes my comedy seriously cuz I'm so hot Matt rife: 22 478 8,328 360K
bira @johnwaterscunt - 1d Similar to r/PhilosophyMemes ... r/Absurdism 8h Join Why doesn't Sisyphus just stop? Is he stupid? Share 48 21 18 1,090 8,156 182K
madeline deweened cavegift 6d ... damn girl are you the tower of babel because you are stacked in defiance of god and i cannot speak coherently when you go down 45 5,709 18.5K 402K
Kristen Mulrooney @missmulro... 1d ... Last weekend my 6-year-old was upset because she was nervous about her swim meet, so I told her if she could find some confidence and do it, I would throw a pie in her dad's face the second he got home. That child swam like an Olympian. Follow me for more motivational tools. 28 687 19.8K 557K
Doth @DothTheDoth. 1d Be the horrifying lore of your family's lineage 91 11K 39.7K 1.5M
jake @jakebrodes.1 1d what is the purpose of the tell your family off this holiday season or your complicit in violence. Every time theres a global tragedy a certain type of person thinks its revolutionary to do this stuff. My aunt loves tweety bird and hates her life. She's not learning any lessons 62 906 15.1K del 680K
Benny Feldman @Feldfrog 23h (The gaslighting magician) This is your card 23 5,927 46.1K 1.2M
annie-mai @anniemaisocial - 1 1d ... can you get this done by EOD? me after already deciding my working day was over: 32 5,097 57.4K 2.5M
§ @synfpunk. 13h no i think its about Priscilla Presley Carla @oceanblvdvinyl - 1 1d this movie is for the lana del rey girlies who actually understood the real meaning of songs like lolita and ultraviolence A24 presents ORIGINAL COPPOLA PRODUCTION MUSC CHRIS SUPERVESOR RANDALL I HENLEY PRISCILLA BASED D PRISCILLA LORENZO I DEVERELL DANIELS T 1 | COSTUME MIELI 2 DESIGNER CO-PRODUCED COPPOLA I ME PHILIPPE BUMBLE BATTAT HARMON BUHN WARD CHARLES KNIGHT FINCH FLACK production American & A The Apartment Priscilla Zoetrope CANADUAN CASTING JOHN JASON SCORE PHOENIX POSTER STACEY I EDITOR SARAH DESIGNER TAMARA CINEMATOGRAPHY LE SOURD PUS Cailee
rudy betrayed @rudy_betrayed 20h ... hey if anyone finds an internet code to get raybans 90% off will you please tag me in a post about it with 46 other people 11 1,438 21.7K 700K
laura @ecto_fun.11h ... finally What would you like to learn? Spanish French Cocteau Twins Lyrics 29 2,041 15.9K 397K
Venusian Princess @LifeS... 17h ... They was over there shazaming your playlist like MA GIF ALT Faith @HouseOfHiliyah.18h why is my neighbor playing the same songs i played the other day??? literally song for song??? 19 3,362 15.3K 524K
laura @ecto_fun.11h ... finally What would you like to learn? Spanish French Cocteau Twins Lyrics 29 2,041 15.9K 397K
aj @ajbabyboi 23h ... There are cathedrals everywhere for those with the eyes to see Evan @Big_Eazzzzy 1d Nobody: Southern Gas Stations: Truck Drivers Great things come и pairs .Life 20 3,022 35.9K . 1.8M
Venusian Princess @LifeS... 17h ... They was over there shazaming your playlist like MA GIF ALT Faith @HouseOfHiliyah.18h why is my neighbor playing the same songs i played the other day??? literally song for song??? 19 3,362 15.3K 524K
AlaskanTzar @AlaskanTzar 1d ... She claims to be an Italian nationalist yet she breaks up with her boyfriend for being too Italian. Curious! NEW YORK New York Post POST @nypost. 1d Italian prime minister splits with boyfriend after he's caught asking woman if she wants to have a 'foursome' trib.al/Jz1EDa5 47 1,185 16.1K 614K
Manic Pixie Dream Taco @Qu... 22h ... Oh my god I needed this laugh. This is all a rejected candidate emailed me in response to a form rejection email. I'm trying to decide if I respond earnestly or not. y tho ALT 151 766 15.2K 550K
(sick pants) @SureThing_B... 18h ... i think athletes should be able to gamble on us average people at OUR jobs. Let's see how Anthony Davis likes it when I rack up 4 hours screen time in a 6 hour shift when he had under 3.5 164 7,981 51.9K 2.9M
Addicted to kale @kalepotatowater 16h my competer On him: are you fucking stupid me: - 9 832 7,765 203K
Fergus Craig @FergusCraig 21h ... I'm in one of those pubs ran by people who've never been to a pub. blueprint building - - - LIVE SPORT MADRÍ EXCEPCIONAL* EL ALMA DE MADRID 388 489 23.8K 1.7M
Natasha Asanté @natashante 22h ... type of burger I need some privacy wit María Hammonds she/h... 23h this is the most beautiful thing I've seen in a long time Likes 32 180 7,618 61.9K 3.2M
@gains-skeets.bsky.social @g... 8h ... The anti-podcast gun GAINS 2DArray @2DArray 4/28/21 when you need to shoot exactly four evenly-spaced dudes 71.6K 51 6,364 1.5M
actually it's good @yungchom... 23h ... sorry but if you're walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you're my enemy. walking faster than me? also my enemy. now if you're walking at the same speed as me... hmm yeah I'm thinking enemy 62 7,263 64.5K del 1.6M
Motivational Pictures With R... 19h ... Dude if you lead me into temptation instead of delivering me from evil i fucking swear 18 7,690 41.5K 1.1M
New Alex P @young_particle . 19h ... i could treat you better than amazon ever coukd 8:47 PM Kanishka Customer Service i know but still i have to follow the guidelines к 8:48 PM 3 462 3,930 91.8K
bailey moon @baileymoon96.17h the sopranos is unrealistic because no one's dad actually goes to therapy 10 756 6,010 del 222K
Jingleghost @JeremyMonjo 14h ... You do have to admit it's kind of funny Leo's enemy at the box office this week is the Women Under 25 demo. V Variety @Variety 14h Box Office Preview: Scorsese's 'Killers of the Flower Moon' No Match for Taylor Swift's 'Eras Tour' variety.com/2023/film/box-... 14 800 7,400 471K
Ultima TwitchCon @Ultim... 10h ... SOON Hey, run that by me again, you said WHAT is coming to Halo Infinite? Delta @Delta_ae• 15h Flat tire? No problem. Rim jobs are coming to #Halolnfinite New equipment, repair field, set to release later in season 5 #HaloReckoning cc not 157 5,788 57.4K 3.1M
eliza @elizamclamb• 12h ... I I love how Dyson's whole thing is just Air. Like yeah we make the things that suck it in with the dust. And also the things that blow it out for your hair. And also for your hands in the public restroom. Fuck with me 23 900 18K 393K
Katrina Davis @katrinasivad 18h ... I waved at a mean teen in the mall because I thought she was my friend and when she got closer she was like Why are you waving, loser? And I said Oh sorry, you look 28. Josh Gondelman @joshgon... 1d If you see someone who looks enough like your friend that y out wave to them, they should have to tell you how their day is going. 21 217 5,049 256K
bort @tacobort.1 16h ... They sent me to the psych ward the way I'm straight jackin it 34 3,146 15.3K 467K
jake @huntichon.14h I genuinely understand getting mad at things like this on a spiritual level. Like what the hell are you doing cis exclusionary radical f... 15h the smallest shit piss me off. why the hell is y'all following walmart on instagram. walmart 3,040 3.1M 179 Posts Followers Following Walmart C walmart If you Walmart, you know we keep your cart & wallet full. #IYWYK walmrt.us/instagram Followed by 5starr_.jaylaa, v4kiraa and 1 other View Shop Message Follow 15 2,697 38K 1.4M
gloh @notgloh 18h ... Text Message Yesterday 8:30 AM DOORDASH: Reply with HALLOWEEN for 75% off!Coupon for orders $20 and up !! Hurry Now ! Yesterday 10:09 AM HALLOWEEN Yesterday 2:36PM yo big hungry ass Yesterday 4:15 PM bro who is this 22 2,376 21.7K 1M
clare @sadderlizards. dd ... bro are doing okay? theres no twinkle in your eyes and your whimsical demeanor has been replaced with a profound sadness 74 14.5K 54.5K 1.6M
KY E @intuitiveclock. 1d cashier at Target asked me why i got so many of these and i got too scared to say they' 're all for me so i lied and said i had a pregnant girlfriend at home with intense cravings and she said congratulations!! and i said oh no it's not mine PACKS 8 SANDWICH CRACKERS CHEESE & PEANUT BUTTER Keebler Keebler CHEESE & P PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH CRACKERS 8 PACKS MODAGE NOT Keebler CHEESE & PEANUT BUTTER ANCE SCHOOL sorret SANDWICH CRACKERS REMO COMUNE MONO CYDP DE con MINISHO DE JAPAN WILM WOULD/CY 2 PACKS a HIS PACKAGE NETWORK The AGC
jaida @ghstprincss.1 18h ... the lambs: Z SOON @biggsteppaz. 18h IM BEING SILENCED! 67 12.9K 68K 2.7M
7/11 Truther @DaveMcNamee3... . 1d ... Chris Pine looks like if Lisa Rinna got bitten by a werewolf 110 1,496 24.8K 1.6M
lula @gendermarxism.2 23h thanos if quentin tarantino directed infinity war proton @ProtonInspector : 1d Catholic foot fetishists are something else 292 23.8K 248K 14.2M
sophie @runwayinchicago-2 23h ... I'm so obsessed with this response JMT - GROUP Hello Sophie!! You look great I love your vibe!! When you say your queer does that mean strange or gay? I feel stupid for asking please accept my apologies if it comes off rude X 97 1,432 44.9K 1.2M
Emily Murnane @emily_murna....2 21h ... Me attentively watching the flight attendant doing their safety demonstration so that they know that I am the best passenger 110 15.9K 156K 3.4M
horse dentist @equine_dentist-19h ... seems that my driver is part wizard or something This is your Grubhub driver, Thomas. Seek me outside, for I have come 7:48 PM 10 1,408 12.6K 244K
boo joey @joeyonline_ 15h ... Republicans every time they try to dig up dirt on the Bidens 21 1,100 11.1K 379K
rob @OkButStill 20h (two women who hate each other at work) 1: any chance we can get some context for this upcoming meeting? thanks! 2: here's a screenshot of the meeting invite where i had already added an agenda. thanks!!!! 43 1,299 22.5K 824K
joanna sui @autumnaI.2 23h What is her fucking problem Peanuts Out of Context @... . 1d YOU KEEP YOUR DIRTY HANDS OUT CAN I PUT MY OF MY GLASS HAND IN YOUR OF MILK!! GLASS OF MILK? 16 1,774 19.1K 1M
Violet Fox @violetbfox.2d At Minnesota's largest corn maze (8.7 miles of paths). Hard DO NOT CALL Maze 911 EXIT IF LOST Stoney Broo ALT 36 927 18.5K 752K
Chair Е. Belafonte @Beymonce• 21h ... Yall got some names on dat mf BE BET @BET. 22h Congrats! Giannis Antetokounmpo and Mariah Riddlesprigger welcome a baby girl! bet.us/45TKPhA 8 780 3,226 259K
Nik @_NikSpace.2 23h If my friends talking shit about me at Brunch please don't ever post it to TikTok, I dont give a fuck. Them Hoes need to vent, i i be wilding 114 9,806 53.2K 2.3M
cinnamon bun @notsofiacopp... 19h ... securing your desired username on a new app is the closest millennials and zoomers will get to owning land 38 1,856 13.2K 402K
Evelyn Waughluigi @matress_i... 22h ... Jigsaw sitting around his lair, trying to figure out when he can start kidnapping people again while still respecting the recent tragedy of 9/11 Bloody Disgusting @BDi... 1d #SawX takes place weeks after the end of the original Saw movie. Producer Oren Koules previews, In our mind, this movie is really Saw II. 28 1,405 16.5K 1M
iyosias @whitest_injera 21h ... i just got a slice of pizza, a hotdog. and a drink for 3 dollars from costco... costco is capitalisms greatest invention 20 912 20.7K du 491K
Anna Drezen @annadrezen 13h When you check the furniture website and the home page says We are the tellers of a story not commonly told and it's like okay I guess they're not doing a sale 3 120 3,976 del 107K
Lizards Every Hour @Hourl... 3h ... When I accidentally use personality A with friend group В spray blood from your eyes at any interesting predators lately? what? horrible. how was the party? 2 402 2,582 30.8K
Jules Suzdaltsev @jules_su 18h Imagine being voted out of office by someone who was just kicked out of beetle juice the musical for vaping and jacking off her date 81 3,966 42.9K del 1.4M
Niecey ت @nielenciagas. 1 16h Can yall imagine if our eyes closed hotdog style instead of hamburger style 511 4,050 16.1K del 1M
Joseph Earp @Joseph_0_Earp 15h ... You don't see skeletons playing their ribs like xylophones much these days. Because of woke 14 836 5,144 del 150K
Friend of Paddington @Tommy... 1d ... Getting older is watching more and more of the people in your life do half- marathons 44 2,294 26K del 1M
adxfo @thandiwilson1.23h is this not crazy??? i went out clubbing last night on u st. and one of the djs said if you're a side chick make some noise Dad D And did you make some noise 3,167 219 52.3K 1.5M
heather @garbagecandy69.17h ... ubereats guy has me CTFU like OKAAAAYYYYYYY YAAASSS Mon, Sep 18, 7:31 PM GOOD EVENING I'VE ARRIVED I GOT FOOOOOD 1 323 3,125 71.4K
evelyn gee frick @evelyngfrick.1 18h ... i got the covid booster and a flu shot earlier today and the guy giving it to me was like are you getting this for school or work? and i panicked and said for fun 21 1,185 27.3K 581K
Darkness Lord @sabatonfan69.23h ... If you pass the drug test at dominos they fire you 24 2,007 27.2K 702K
Jeff @usedwigs 1d the weekend-ending trauma of seeing the 60 Minutes stopwatch as a kid lives forever 95 1,570 18.7K del 1M
Her @_chelseamichele 21h ... 8 Look out everybody, suckasaurus on the loose! @gsnivxa 21h i'll suck my man's diick 10 times a day if he wants me to idc 247 4,089 13.2K 1.2M
bunkey @chiefkeefmidi - 1 18h mad at me all by yourself beautiful? 13 2,487 14.8K du 567K
doxie @doxie_gay 15h ... beef jerky is so expensive I might just buy the beef and jerk it off myself 82 6,420 46K del 1.5M
josef k hole @poeticdweller.2 21h ... this being catherine ohara's wiki pic is SOOOO realtor cunt... like she's gonna SELL that house! 4 115 2,331 76.8K
ellory smith @ellorysmith 15h ... When I make a typo in the group chat and my friends use that misspelling as slang for the next six years Selena Gomez Source @Go... . 1d Selena Gomez reacts to posts/ memes about her from the #VMAs via her Instagram story selenagomez 8m ... X I will never be a meme again. I'd rather sit still than be dragged for being myself. Much love 102 5,429 62.4K 3.7M
Kate Beaton @beatonna 13h ... I had day surgery today (nothing big) and they were like don't make any important decisions in the next 24 hours bc you might not remember them. But I had to go grocery shopping. Later Morgan was like you bought... so much, like a lot, of cheese. 85 546 17.4K 456K
jill @stevienicks420.17h ... slimed imagine ur watching sex and the city and they're at the coffee shop and they pan to all the girls individually and this is what they pan to for Miranda would you even notice 3 138 1,171 45.9K
Adam @adamgreattweet 19h the b in Igbtqia does NOT stand for bus EVERYONE WELCOME - - M - بسم MANCHESTER CHARITY ACCOMMODATIQUE Except buses 6 85 857 21.7K
Alex Bug (Mr. Reality) @Spore... 14h ... НА !! ? НА It appears that way Reply Edit Copy Translate A x More... ... Alex Bug (Mr. Reality) @S....14h I get high and start texting like Dracula 14 1,632 13.5K 536K
Ben Crew @BenjaminCrew1 1.18h ... When I did Columbo, I went on a date Halloween night and said Gee, you know my wife loves this place and my shocked date who had never heard of Columbo said Your... your wife? Mads @maddyysmilith - 2d Quote this with the best Halloween costume you've worn 73 454 9,218 823K
S @bristeacha 21h My sister and i were speaking irish in a touristy place last month and this old american woman eating an ice cream stood in front of us for a full minute staring and nodding before saying The native tongue.. Amazing... 40 838 17.9K 243K
Breezy' @OvOBrezzzy 14h ... Abraham Lincoln if he was born in 2000s NaDeXe Burner of hell @N... . 1d Black barber of hell getting me right CC 0:02 61 2,898 27.1K 1.4M
Cait @CaitCamelia·2 22h dating for love isn't working. now i'm dating to conduct psychological experiments and collect data 85 43K 1.4M 8,614
400lbs of beyond beef in a 2... 19h ... do NOT honk at me! My life is WORTHLESS I will KILL US both An Sale Cenvent IN 10004 DRIVEN2DRIVE 00 LINE 12 1,507 7,371 224K
Jake Prizant @jakeprizant_ 11/18/23 ... me and the improv homies after the worst show we've ever done 152 5 4.9K del 243K
Chase Mitchell @ChaseMit 1d ... I'd keep workshopping that campaign slogan S ROBERT F KENNEDY JR (١) I 2024 PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE Hannity FOX NEWS RFK JR: I WAS ON EPSTEIN'S PLANE TWICE EXCLUSIVE DONALD TRUMP TOWN HALL TODAY 9PM ET 6:14 MT 40 1,050 15.4K 800K
sj @barbiefuneral 1d if you're cold, they're cold too. bring them inside. 192 4,188 31.1K 1.3M
mia @boygrrI 1d ... i was born in 01 + 7:50 AM good year except for that one thing 7:50 AM Sent 86 5,631 114K 2.7M
Austin Highsmith Garces @A... 20h ... Unsure of how everyone else read this, but I honestly thought this was a headline about a killer crab. Video shows inmate's esca... 25m ago The convicted killer crab walked CNN between two walls and pushed through newly installed razor wire to break out of prison, authorities say 462 4,190 42.4K 1.8M
kate wagner (castle era) @mc... 23h ... this is the playlist someone makes after frantically googling 'music' Populism Updates @Populi... 1d Politico asked Vivek Ramaswamy to make a playlist: Lose Yourself - Eminem Rondo Alla Turca-Mozart Centuries-Fall Out Boy Believer - Imagine Dragons Jolene-Dolly Parton Thunder-Imagine Dragons Dream On-Aerosmith Pastures of Plenty-Woody Guthrie 201 3,914 60.2K 4.1M
maddi @urmanicpixiegf-19h no f'king way dude LUIC your Unavailable LEAKGUARD PROTECTION Tampax Pearl $4.67 Tampons, with TAMPAX $4.67 ea PEARL LeakGuard Braid, Super Plus 18 SUPER PLUS Absorbency, Unscented, 18 Ct 25.9c/ea Qty 1 Substitution Whole White $4.67 Mushrooms, 16 oz $4.67 ea Qty 1 167 4,443 70.7K 1.3M
kelbin @pissboymcgee. 21h i'd love to give benjamin franklin a handful of these NeRdS Candy Gummy Clusters sweet & gummy Inside toilgy & crunchy outside ONLANGED TE SHOW TEXTURE very berry 100 NATURALLY & ME CALORIES NET WT 8 OZ (227g) 102 3,888 52.8K 2.3M
Antá @antaxoxo_ - 15h took my pet bird for a walk on my shoulder and it flew away saph / sadie @saphi... . ..1/8/23 14. whats the stupidest thing youve ever done? 83 737 7,095 379K
Benedict Townsend @BenedictTown 1d ... yzhk wait ur british??? 9m Reply 2 Benedict Townsend Creator My name is Benedict Townsend 7m Reply 46 27 1.4K 60K 1.1M
EL @thisiselliz.3 3d Bro got the OJ Simpson gloves on while handling a Captain Hook sha boing boing x3dPL3x @CyberSeCX.3d Snacking for the mean time... one The 2.7K 28K 21 1.7M
Grinch hunter @pugmane 11/19/23 ... Not me. The battle of Naboo was devastating and many lives were lost. the thicc husband & father @lukeisa... 11/18/23 men will see this and think hell yeah 8.4K 111K 157 5.4M
izzi @lZZlPOP 11/19/23 When you're at a gay man's apartment they make you watch music videos against your will 386 10K 82K 7.9M
Ron Iver @ronnui_ 11/19/23 This is how people dress when they start dating Kanye. 21 @21metgala 11/18/23 Timothee Chalamet is seen upon arrival at Narita International Airport in Narita, Japan. 2 46 1.6K 87K
caitlin @hello__caitlin 11/18/23 This is the poster for a 2011 Judd Apatow movie about a scam artist who schemed his way into congress Microplastics Explorer @DiabolicalS... 11/18/23 This is possibly the worst fitting sweater of all time but he somehow retains a level of confidence rarely achieved by mortals 10 19 535 35K
Toby Let People Build Housing Muresianu 22h ... Got sick of losing the Apple TV remote so I decided to treat it like a coffee shop bathroom key 42 868 30K 869K
Gratuitous Theme Parks @GratThemeParks 11/19/23 ... What a fucking narcissist 173 19K 201K 4.5M
Rona Wang @ronawang 11/19/23 III The New York Times SUBSCRIBE FOR €0.50/WEEK TECH FIX Everyone Wants Your Email Address. Think Twice Before Sharing It. Thanks for reading The Times. Create your free account or log in to continue reading. Email Address Continue 209 10K 109K 2.9M
emy @theamazingemy - 9h ... this flight about to be a movie A24 COMMENT THE 11:22 AM AED LAND SPEED DEPOT LAND SPEED All Customers RFC SE WE RECYCLE SLC 43 2.1K 53K 864K
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