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28 Maudlin Historical Facts That Confirm We’re All Lucky Time Moves Forward

Looking back at these is a whole lot better than looking around at them

28 Maudlin Historical Facts That Confirm We’re All Lucky Time Moves Forward

December 15, 2023 Add Cracked to Google

These little historical moments are better left right where they are — in the past. We’re luckily still strolling around this wet, mossy rock, and (luckier still) we’ve learned a lot about what not to do from our strange, disgusting and downright savage ancestors.

28

Louis XVI

During the French Revolution, they caught Louis XVI because GNAT his face was on money. IBRE 17 NES s ASSIGNATS DES FRANCOIS NAT par le décr vvil 1790, sanctionné LOUISXVL.ROT m CU SMDF While running to the countryside, Louis and Marie Antoinette (both disguised) were stopped by a postmaster who thought he recognized Marie. Once he compared the guy with her to a 50-franc note, he was sure. Pretty soon, they were arrested, then beheaded. CRACKED.COM — Source

27

A WWII submarine had a reindeer onboard for six weeks. The British sub HMS Trident carried Pollyanna the reindeer, a personal gift from a Soviet admiral, back to England. She ate so much food (plus some navigation charts) that she got too big to walk out, and had to be lifted out with a winch (a sailor with a broom helped). CRACKED.COM — Source

26

The first man returning from space was met by potato farmers. In 1961, Yuri Gagarin parachuted from his space capsule down to the village of Saratov, and walked up (in his orange spacesuit) to a woman farming potatoes with her granddaughter. They freaked out the moment they saw him, then he calmly told them who he was. CRACKED.COM — Source

25

At Mao and Stalin's first meeting, the USSR stole Mao's poop. On Stalin's personal orders, the sewage pipes in the house where the two met were rerouted to special storage boxes. The thinking was that an analysis of the chemicals in his poop would reveal secrets about Mao's psychology. (Did it work? Nobody knows.) CRACKED.COM — Source

24

Saddam Hussein

CRACKED.COM SADDAM HUSSEIN WROTE ROMANCE NOVELS Не consulted with professional writers on his works before releasing them under a pen name that translates to Written by Не Who Wrote It. — Source

23

NAPOLEON: LEADER, STATESMAN, ROMANCE NOVELIST? Before Josephine, before his conquest of Europe, a broken-hearted Napoleon wrote Clisson et Eugénie, a romance novella based on his doomed rela- tionship with Eugénie Désirée Clary. At the end of the novella, the hero dies tragically in battle, pierced by a thousand blows. CRACKED.COM — Source

22

Nicola Tesla was a supporter of eugenics: a set of practices aiming to improve the genetic quality of human race. Не thought that the only method was to prevent the breeding of the unfit by sterilization and the deliberate guidance of the mating instinct. CRACKED.COM — Source

21

John Wilkes Booth's family was obsessed with the play Julius Caesar CRACKED COM CELL John's father and elder brother were both named Junius Brutus Booth after the play's hero. An 1864 production of Julius Caesar was also the only play to star all three of the famous Booth Brothers, months before one of them became an assassin in real life. — Source

20

AMELIA EARHART WAS IN AN OPEN MARRIAGE. She didn't want to be tied down to one person and she didn't want her relationship to interfere with her work. CRACKED.COM — Source

19

The life of celebrated architect FRANK LLOYD WRIGHT was marred by incredible TRAGEDY. In August 1914, he returned home to discover a disgruntled former employee had burned Wright's house down after murdering Wright's entire family with an axe. GRACKED.COM — Source

18

Roman Laundromats

Ancient Rome CRACKED COM In ancient Rome, laundromats pretty much ran on urine. The practice continued even after the invention of soap, as many Europeans preferred the all-natural goodness of bladder water. And long before toothpaste, 9 out 10 Romans agreed that gargling urine was the best way to keep your teeth clean and sparkly. — Source

17

Lewis And Clark CRACKED.COM Lewis, Clark, and their adventuring party tried to have sex with every local woman they encountered, with a respectable rate of success. To their great fortune, plenty of Native communities believed that sex was a great way of absorbing other cultures. All of this fun had its downsides, however. Within months, most of the expedition had been diagnosed with venereal diseases such as syphilis and gonorrhea. — Source

16

Che Guevara

Ernesto Che Guevara was also nicknamed El Chancho (The Pig)... Because he seldom bathed. CRACKED.COM — Source

15

By the time Bonnie and Clyde were at the height of their notorious crime spree they both walked with a limp. Clyde had chopped off two of his own toes while in prison, and Bonnie had been injured so badly in a car wreck that she could no longer walk unassisted, and often had to be carried. CRACKED.COM — Source

14

Frank Sinatra

Frank Sinatra always carried spare dimes in his pocket after the kidnapping of his son. ONE DIME The kidnappers demanded all communication be via payphones, and Sinatra was determined to always be prepared, a habit he kept for the rest of his life. Не was even buried with ten dimes in his pocket. GRACKED.COM — Source

13

Andrew Jackson

Andrew Jackson's parrot had to be expelled from his owner's funeral... Because it wouldn't stop swearing. CRACKED.COM — Source

12

Dickens wrote A Christmas Carol just to quickly make some cash. £ £ £ In the fall of 1843, Dickens was in debt, his wife had just given birth to their fifth child, and the family had moved into an expensive new house. To get a quick injection of cash, Dickens decided to whip up a Christmas book in six weeks. The result was probably the most famous Christmas story ever written. CRACKED.COM — Source

11

Ariel-1, Britain's very first satellite, was put into orbit on April 26, 1962. It was accidentally destroyed weeks later after the US military detonated a 1.4 megaton nuclear weapon called Starfish-Prime in the upper atmosphere. GRACKED.COM — Source

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10

Like wearing pajamas? You have WWI air raids to thank. In WWI, people were being driven out of their homes by night-time air raids, and they needed warm, practical, and decent-looking sleepwear. So pajamas became hugely popular: they were loose, covered you up, and could be very stylish. CRACKED.COM — Source

9

Isaac Newton was a waiter. Until he got an undergraduate scholarship, he waited tables at Cambridge. CRACKED.COM — Source

8

Just weeks before he died after slamming his Porsche head-on into another vehicle, JAMES DEAN made a PSA for the National 130 Safety Council, warning of the dangers of reckless driving. TAKE IT EASY DRIVING. THE LIFE YOU SAVE MIGHT BE MINE. CRACKED.COM — Source

7

The Cartels

The repeal of the prohibition of alcohol in 1933 led to the CRACKED.COM emergence of the modern drug cartels. Crime syndicates needed a replacement for their source of income, and drug trafficking was the best alternative available. — Source

6

THE BEATLES OFFICIALLY ENDED ON DISNEY PROPERTY. IN 1974, ON VACATION AT DISNEY'S POLYNESIAN VILLAGE RESORT, JOHN LENNON SIGNED THE CONTRACT THAT DISSOLVED THE GROUP. Disney's Polynesian Village Resort CRACKED.COM — Source

5

Walt Disney

Walt Disney himself helped to design a Mickey Mouse gas mask Though few remain, you can find several on display in various museums in the United States. CRACKED.COM — Source

4

Due to fire, decay, negligence, or deliberate destruction, AP 75% T ط 500 of all American CRACKED.COM silent movies no longer exist. — Source

3

Greetings From The OX Secret B DEZ TENN City During WWII, Oak Ridge TN was commissioned to develop and build the first atomic bomb. The vast majority of the city's workers had absolutely no idea what they were working on and only found out after the first bomb was dropped on Hiroshima. CRACKED.COM — Source

2

Dahmer

The infamous Milwaukee serial killer and cannibal, Jeffrey Dahmer, was a class clown in high school. 75 72 69 66 63 MILWAUKEE COUNTY MILWAUKEE COUNTY SHERIFF S DEPARTMENT His pranks and antics E 0 23 were known as doing a Dahmer around school. CRACKED.COM — Source

1

For years after the Battle of Waterloo, companies would dig up the bones of fallen soldiers, grind them up, and sell them as fertilizer. Bones are rich in calcium which farmers believed was beneficial to plants. The practice went on for a couple decades and only stopped when the farmers were criticized for fertilizing their lands with the bodies of their relatives. CRACKED.COM — Source

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