12 Ancient Bits of Trivia Flown to Earth Aboard the Evil Lord Xenu’s Galactic Cruiser Fleet and Dumped into the Volcanoes of Hawaii
These bits of trivia have had a harrowing journey. Captured, frozen, transported to a foreign land and dumped into a volcano — and that’s just the beginning. Their souls were then cursed to roam the Earth until such time as intelligent life evolved, and they could inhabit these advanced creatures. Creatures such as yourself.
Diplomatic Immunity: Maybe Bad?
In 1979, the Burmese ambassador to Sri Lanka reportedly murdered his wife and burned her body in the backyard of the embassy. Since he was technically on Burmese soil, local cops were powerless to stop him — for a little while, at least. According to one Sri Lankan authority, the diplomat was eventually captured and disappeared.
Ulysses S. Grant Was a Fussy Eater
He was so squeamish about blood that he needed all of his red meat to be absolutely charred. He wouldn’t even touch chicken or other fowl, saying, “I could never eat anything that went on two legs.”
L. Ron Hubbard Said Fruits Feel Pain
Hubbard used his infamous E-meter on various fruits and vegetables, and determined that tomatoes “scream when sliced.”
Hunter S. Thompson’s $3 Million Funeral
Thompson’s lavish goodbye party included a fireworks display that coincided with his ashes being fired out of a cannon from on top of a tower. It was funded by his old pal Johnny Depp.
P. Diddy Got Caught Lying About His Nonexistent Private Jet
After complaining that gas prices had gotten so high that he had to stop using his personal jet — and asking friends in “all the countries that have oil” to send him some — it came out that no jet in the world is registered to him in any of his names. He then specified that actually, he’s the fractional owner of a jet that’s registered to someone else, and he technically owns but a single wing.
Gwyneth Paltrow Said Women Who Don’t Lose Weight Just Don’t Want It Bad Enough
She said that “Every woman can make time — every woman… You just make it work.” Surely she’s the one “just making it work,” not her army of personal assistants.
Patrick Stewart Didn’t Have a Slice of Pizza Until He Was 72 Years Old
He tweeted a picture of himself enjoying his first slice of pizza as a septuagenarian, and was baffled at everyone’s shocked response. He clarified, unhelpfully, that he’d had pizza before, just not a slice of pizza. Then, against all odds, he dug himself even deeper: “When it was brought over to me, my first comment was, ‘There’s no knife and fork.’”
People Thwarted Chronic Tiger Attacks by Wearing Masks
Approximately 60 people per year were being killed by Bengal tigers in India’s Ganges Delta. Since the tigers would sneak up on people, they started wearing masks on the backs of their heads, causing tiger-related deaths to plummet. One conservationist said, “Tigers have been seen following people wearing the mask, but they have not attacked.”
The Whole Idea of Martians Is Based on a Lazy Translation
Italian astronomer Giovanni Schiaparelli noticed some odd, pronounced lines on the surface of Mars, which he referred to as “canali,” meaning “channels.” Twenty-two years later, American astronomer Percival Lowell saw that word and decided it meant “canals,” which are inherently human-made. It became widely believed that those striations had to have been made by human-like creatures who were native to the red planet.
Disney Killed a Ton of Lemmings for Meaningless Propaganda
Disney’s 1958 film White Wilderness chronicled the migration of lemmings, and for some reason, the producers were dead set on propagating the myth of lemming mass suicide. When they failed to document this (nonexistent) phenomenon, they kidnapped the lemmings and transported them to a more precarious, suicide-friendly location. When the lemmings still failed to throw themselves into a river, producers literally shoved them off.
Pepsi Revived Itself by Employing an Extremely American Tactic
Pepsi-Cola started off strong as a brand, but its popularity dwindled, to the extent that it tried to sell itself to Coca-Cola on three separate occasions before 1933. In the middle of the Great Depression, they decided to supersize their portions, offering 12-ounce bottles when Coke could only muster a measly 6 ounces. They were able to offer a better deal, and Pepsi’s popularity eclipsed Coke’s for a while.
Pliny the Elder Has Some Sex Tips for You
The famed Roman author and proto-scientist has the cure for what ails you. Want to have more sex? “The right section of a vulture’s lung worn as an amulet in a crane’s skin is a powerful aphrodisiac.” Want to have less sex? “A man’s urine in which a lizard has been drowned is an anti-aphrodisiac potion.” Having fertility issues? Rub a newborn baby’s poop on your nethers!