12 Ancient Bits of Trivia Flown to Earth Aboard the Evil Lord Xenu’s Galactic Cruiser Fleet and Dumped into the Volcanoes of Hawaii

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12 Ancient Bits of Trivia Flown to Earth Aboard the Evil Lord Xenu’s Galactic Cruiser Fleet and Dumped into the Volcanoes of Hawaii

These bits of trivia have had a harrowing journey. Captured, frozen, transported to a foreign land and dumped into a volcano — and that’s just the beginning. Their souls were then cursed to roam the Earth until such time as intelligent life evolved, and they could inhabit these advanced creatures. Creatures such as yourself.

Diplomatic Immunity: Maybe Bad?

In 1979, the Burmese ambassador to Sri Lanka reportedly murdered his wife and burned her body in the backyard of the embassy. Since he was technically on Burmese soil, local cops were powerless to stop him — for a little while, at least. According to one Sri Lankan authority, the diplomat was eventually captured and disappeared.

12 Ancient Bits of Trivia Flown to Earth Aboard the Evil Lord Xenu’s Galactic Cruiser Fleet and Dumped into the Volcanoes of Hawaii

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Ulysses S. Grant Was a Fussy Eater

He was so squeamish about blood that he needed all of his red meat to be absolutely charred. He wouldn’t even touch chicken or other fowl, saying, “I could never eat anything that went on two legs.”

12 Ancient Bits of Trivia Flown to Earth Aboard the Evil Lord Xenu’s Galactic Cruiser Fleet and Dumped into the Volcanoes of Hawaii

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L. Ron Hubbard Said Fruits Feel Pain

Hubbard used his infamous E-meter on various fruits and vegetables, and determined that tomatoes “scream when sliced.”

12 Ancient Bits of Trivia Flown to Earth Aboard the Evil Lord Xenu’s Galactic Cruiser Fleet and Dumped into the Volcanoes of Hawaii

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Hunter S. Thompson’s $3 Million Funeral

Thompson’s lavish goodbye party included a fireworks display that coincided with his ashes being fired out of a cannon from on top of a tower. It was funded by his old pal Johnny Depp.

12 Ancient Bits of Trivia Flown to Earth Aboard the Evil Lord Xenu’s Galactic Cruiser Fleet and Dumped into the Volcanoes of Hawaii

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P. Diddy Got Caught Lying About His Nonexistent Private Jet

After complaining that gas prices had gotten so high that he had to stop using his personal jet — and asking friends in “all the countries that have oil” to send him some — it came out that no jet in the world is registered to him in any of his names. He then specified that actually, he’s the fractional owner of a jet that’s registered to someone else, and he technically owns but a single wing.

12 Ancient Bits of Trivia Flown to Earth Aboard the Evil Lord Xenu’s Galactic Cruiser Fleet and Dumped into the Volcanoes of Hawaii

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Gwyneth Paltrow Said Women Who Don’t Lose Weight Just Don’t Want It Bad Enough

She said that “Every woman can make time — every woman… You just make it work.” Surely she’s the one “just making it work,” not her army of personal assistants.

12 Ancient Bits of Trivia Flown to Earth Aboard the Evil Lord Xenu’s Galactic Cruiser Fleet and Dumped into the Volcanoes of Hawaii

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Patrick Stewart Didn’t Have a Slice of Pizza Until He Was 72 Years Old

He tweeted a picture of himself enjoying his first slice of pizza as a septuagenarian, and was baffled at everyone’s shocked response. He clarified, unhelpfully, that he’d had pizza before, just not a slice of pizza. Then, against all odds, he dug himself even deeper: “When it was brought over to me, my first comment was, ‘There’s no knife and fork.’”

12 Ancient Bits of Trivia Flown to Earth Aboard the Evil Lord Xenu’s Galactic Cruiser Fleet and Dumped into the Volcanoes of Hawaii

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People Thwarted Chronic Tiger Attacks by Wearing Masks

Approximately 60 people per year were being killed by Bengal tigers in India’s Ganges Delta. Since the tigers would sneak up on people, they started wearing masks on the backs of their heads, causing tiger-related deaths to plummet. One conservationist said, “Tigers have been seen following people wearing the mask, but they have not attacked.”

12 Ancient Bits of Trivia Flown to Earth Aboard the Evil Lord Xenu’s Galactic Cruiser Fleet and Dumped into the Volcanoes of Hawaii

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The Whole Idea of Martians Is Based on a Lazy Translation

Italian astronomer Giovanni Schiaparelli noticed some odd, pronounced lines on the surface of Mars, which he referred to as “canali,” meaning “channels.” Twenty-two years later, American astronomer Percival Lowell saw that word and decided it meant “canals,” which are inherently human-made. It became widely believed that those striations had to have been made by human-like creatures who were native to the red planet.

12 Ancient Bits of Trivia Flown to Earth Aboard the Evil Lord Xenu’s Galactic Cruiser Fleet and Dumped into the Volcanoes of Hawaii

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Disney Killed a Ton of Lemmings for Meaningless Propaganda

Disney’s 1958 film White Wilderness chronicled the migration of lemmings, and for some reason, the producers were dead set on propagating the myth of lemming mass suicide. When they failed to document this (nonexistent) phenomenon, they kidnapped the lemmings and transported them to a more precarious, suicide-friendly location. When the lemmings still failed to throw themselves into a river, producers literally shoved them off.

12 Ancient Bits of Trivia Flown to Earth Aboard the Evil Lord Xenu’s Galactic Cruiser Fleet and Dumped into the Volcanoes of Hawaii

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Pepsi Revived Itself by Employing an Extremely American Tactic

Pepsi-Cola started off strong as a brand, but its popularity dwindled, to the extent that it tried to sell itself to Coca-Cola on three separate occasions before 1933. In the middle of the Great Depression, they decided to supersize their portions, offering 12-ounce bottles when Coke could only muster a measly 6 ounces. They were able to offer a better deal, and Pepsi’s popularity eclipsed Coke’s for a while.

12 Ancient Bits of Trivia Flown to Earth Aboard the Evil Lord Xenu’s Galactic Cruiser Fleet and Dumped into the Volcanoes of Hawaii

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Pliny the Elder Has Some Sex Tips for You

The famed Roman author and proto-scientist has the cure for what ails you. Want to have more sex? “The right section of a vulture’s lung worn as an amulet in a crane’s skin is a powerful aphrodisiac.” Want to have less sex? “A man’s urine in which a lizard has been drowned is an anti-aphrodisiac potion.” Having fertility issues? Rub a newborn baby’s poop on your nethers!

12 Ancient Bits of Trivia Flown to Earth Aboard the Evil Lord Xenu’s Galactic Cruiser Fleet and Dumped into the Volcanoes of Hawaii

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