30 of the Funniest Tweets from the Week of December 4, 2023

The mouse hired him to do a custom portrait
30 of the Funniest Tweets from the Week of December 4, 2023

This week’s news cycle has had its fair share of high highs and low lows. Right out of the gate, George Santos has lived out his trashy reality TV star fantasies by raking in some serious dough on Cameo. So far, the disgraced Congressman has helped a furry come out to their parents and been tapped by Senator John Fetterman’s campaign team to troll another indicted politician. 

The comedy world simultaneously bid farewell to Norman Lear, the sitcom genius who died at the age of 101. Lear’s storied career produced a pantheon of shows that changed the way we laugh and paved the way for every other sitcom that followed. Meanwhile, Warner Bros. is playing hard ball with the headline-making shelved movie Coyote vs. Acme. Despite no plans to release it themselves, the studio won’t let anyone else touch it unless they’re willing to cover its $70 million price tag. Sony and Apple are reported to have backed away from the mess as Amazon continues to mull over placing a bid. 

Over on the timeline, though, it’s been all highs over the last seven days thanks to a new round of hilarious tweets. This week’s highlights include two sides to a Biden, a pair of Chipotle hacks and the time MLK outsold Michael Jackson.

President-Elect Toguro @PresidentToguro . 4h ... Died 1999 Born 2000 Welcome back Stanley Kubrick 16 901 11K 419K
Sofia Buff Girlfriend @sofiabuffgf.4h this bisexual shit easy 6 AM 7 AM 8 AM Be gay Be Be gay Be gay Be Be gay Be straight straight straight 9 AM 10 AM 11 AM 12 PM 1 PM 2 PM 3 PM 4 PM 5 PM 6 PM 7 PM 8 PM 64 3.3K 31K 667K
theo @theharkyp 6d ... Just remembered CVS probably stands for something GIF 44 191 4.5K 324K
ean @SlattSoldier . 1d 2 ... this is frying me bru KEVIN GATES' Comments dyindownsouth 2w Pinned by author I was his audio engineer for a session and he thought i had a terminal illness when i said i 769 was ADHD and then he bowed and shook my hand Reply 20 1K 20K 762K
HERRIT READ furby hancock @furby_hancock·23h ... accidentally googling 'best wireless headphones 2923' and witnessing technological marvels beyond my comprehension 7 533 8.5K 156K
Pyramid Chad, Unbanned Edition @pyrameadh... 1d ... They should make a Baja Blast that kills you 35 1.2K 7.3K 259K
sean @_sn_n 20h Hunter Biden implies the existence of Gatherer Biden 5 150 2.4K 97K
ducki @dxckiii. 12h 1:08 374 3 BORN TODIE Bruce i have nothing to say to you 12 37 1.1K 35K
fair maiden lover @catcherintheguy. 17h asking the groupchat for relationship advice at 2 am sia @Sia . 17h I had two people on the spectrum advising me at all times. 68 104 1,248 5 724 8.4K 375K
p b r @Rockybalbonga1 17h ... Just watched the first chicken fight during my family guy rewatch That's history right there, you understand? 2 138 3K del 110K
MARIE @iaamraymariee 19h ... update 23 BEAR MEBEDIEN12 OTAMOT CHICKEN БЕБЬЕВ OFECANO THER bokk KED KATE BVBA СНӀЬОТГЕ WOMLESEA CHEEZE CHIГI bybbar CARRIC etcho STIHW evin OCADOVA ОЭЯ ED CHITI MARIE @iaamraymariee - 2 23h about to doordash me some chipotle & put my name as Keith Lee . 2.7K 53K 176 3M
Turn @CousinTurn. 17h hm. weird. nothing on the free food rack tonight. usually there's a few things to choose from and you don't need to pay. gonna have to complain to the manager. DIGITAL ORDER PICK-UP A-E F-L M-S T-Z 9 423 9.6K 395K
Sloth Christmas @Damac1214EVR. 22h If you gives gamers the tools they will recreate 9/11 every time seb t @destroysebby. 1d . bro this is the first fuckin day lego Fortnite came out CC Yeetgeta 0:07uild L2 Nudge Rotate Snap Mode (Hold) 33 1.4K 24K 823K
Vinny Thomas @vinn_ayy 3h ... I don't have a golden retriever husband, I have a Great Dane husband (he has hip dysplasia) Josh Lekach @JoshLekach.2d This is what ALL women (who aren't on birth control) want I don't have a golden retriever husband, I have a German shephard husband. He's not energetic or super + friendly but he's loyal. Не doesn't like strangers and he calls me on my bullshit. 5680 Не would bite anyone who tried to hurt me. Не gives me tough love when I need it ... but will be the first one to 64 comfort me
Mohammed El Deif is the Great architect ... . 1d ... Portugal, you gotta stop. You're swag is too different, you smoke too tough, your bitch is too bad. They'll kill you, Portugal. PORTUGAL Vintage Maps @vintagemapstore - 1d tische Karte von Europa im Ju German satirical map of Europe from 1914 OSTSEE MITTELLANDISCHES MEER 18 1K 9.6K 397K
SP @sspencerukk . 5h God forbid a man have hobbies Daily Mail .com Daily Mail US @DailyMail . 7 7h Hunter Biden spent a staggering $872K on prostitutes, porn and sex club memberships and took $1.6 M from ATMs trib.al/VEyLg1g 37 1.1K 22K del 2.1M
bri @curlyhairvegan. 21h sorry but LOL THE CHIPS WERE WRINKLED BUT I FIXED THEM 91 5.5K 62K 1.6M
will (normal mode) @ghostdraculas.2 21h CHARGE Not today, old friend. will (normal mode) @ghostdraculas. 1d getting a Panera lemonade and putting it in the fridge until 'it's time' 977K 5 1.6K 20K
Striggity @35mmPapi . 5h ... Remember the year BET did the 100 video count down and STRIGGITY Thriller was number 2 so everyone was like oh man what's number 1 then and it wound up being the I Have A Dream speech 86 1.7K 6.5K 499K
Molly Oswaks @mollyoswaks 10h ... Our exterminator left his notebook at our house today and - literally - this was all he wrote down. BIC 293 5,007 81.9K 2.1M
clare @sadderlizards. 21h ... join us for the ritual 53 2,978 21.5K 948K
bludhaund @pixikiIler 18h + X 78 comments Jessica I bet he smells like sleep and fritos aww 13h Reply 784 9 1,747 30.1K 772K
hope hopes hoping @hopes... 18h ... *filling out job application* i can do anything and am good at everything, my biggest weakness is that i will i be on twitter all the time 9 1,995 11.7K 324K
wild TikTok screenshots @... . 17h ... nt when i'm left alone with another introvert so now i have to be the extrovert 127 14K 112K 2.6M
grimm @ExileGrimm 17h I would lose my mind here lol r/NoStupidQuestions u/WaitThatlsYourFinger 1d My son's third grade teacher taught my son that 1 divided by 0 is 0. I wrote her an email to tell her that it is not 0. She then doubled down and cc'ed the principal. The principal responded saying the teacher is correct... What do I do now? Tbh, I'm mildly infuriated but I'm wondering if I'm just overreacting? Should I just stop fighting this battle? 1,054 67.5K 8.5M 2,597
ethan @ethanjuiced 1d ... i i must be julian casablancas the way the strokes got her asking is this it 121 4,157 33.8K du 1.8M
SLUG @generalslug•1 1d obsessed with her Poe's Law, Esq: Poe's Lawyer @dyi.... 3h ... dentists know you've been sucking dick btw just letting you know 36 53 1K 32K Follow Good, I'll suck the dentists dick too! 6:35PM 12/5/23 from Earth 39 Views 25 1,393 29.2K 892K
alisa @squirtstain 23h i'm crying my little brother (atheist) keeps complaining about getting peer pressured into regularly attending jesus club (i don't even know if i can call it peer pressure tho like 191.1K likes, 1280 comments. It fits perfectly TikTok - CaseOh Clips tiktok.com guys we going to christian club Ight bet yessir Yurrrrrr A iMessage Cash how do I get out of this bruh u already agreed 321 2,935 108K 3.3M
Mike Beauvais @MikeBeauvais 1d ... TORONTO Wow, congratulations to the Time Person AVERYDADI of the Year for 2023. DEC. 25. 2023 PERSON OF THE YEAR TIME THAT SLIDE THAT COP FELL DOWN IN BOSTON time.com 69 6,681 71.6K 2.6M
Brittani Nichols @BisHilarious. 22h ... I'm not a good fit for the traditional job market because my greatest strengths are challenging authority, being self- righteous, and wanting to go home 54 6,467 36.2K du 1.3M
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