13 Ill-Advised Reboots and Reprisals That Ruined Legacies
If you’re a fan of any long-running franchise, there’s always a point where you realize the balance has tipped, and more of it now sucks than rules. However, if something is great enough, it doesn’t matter. There are more bad movies in the Alien franchise than good ones, which is insane, but Alien’s legacy is secure. They could make three suck-ass Star Wars movies a year for decades, and it would still be Star Wars. Same with Ghostbusters, or that fuck-awful Coming to America sequel, or the Spinal Tap sequel they’re apparently working on, that will obviously be crap at best. The new Frasier could have 20 episodes that were just Kelsey Grammer taking a shit, and Frasier would still be one of the greatest shows of all time.
It’s the slightly lower-profile franchises, or the ones that started out great but not Alien-level great — the ones everyone has just about heard of but couldn’t tell you what order they go in or how many there are — that are potentially really damaged by crappy entries. Again, Terminator Genisys being shit doesn’t in any way take away from Terminator 2 being flawless, but if you’re looking for something to watch, see a Children of the Corn movie on offer, and it’s one of the bullshit ones, that whole series is dead to you.
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Pinhead Good, Dickheads Bad
Even the lower-budget Hellraiser movies were, for years, decent, thanks to the sterling efforts of Pinhead actor David Bradley. Prior to the 2022 reboot, though, the last two — Revelations and Judgment — were fully shit, upsetting Bradley and fully sucking ass.
There Can Be Only One, and A Pretty Decent TV Show
The first Highlander movie rules. The second stinks. The third ignores the second. The TV show’s pretty good. The fourth movie kinda sucks. The fifth, though, sucks so bad that the producers later said it was just a bad dream.
The Truth Is Out There — That It Should Have Ended
The X-Files returned in 2016 after 14 years, and wasn’t terrible. There were some funny episodes, and the leads were somehow even better-looking. However, discovering the Cigarette Smoking Man — last seen on fire — was alive felt insulting to viewers’ intelligence.
Dino-Sorry, Did You Say There Were 14 of These?
1988’s The Land Before Time was directed by Don Bluth and produced by Steven Spielberg and George Lucas. None of those three bona-fide geniuses have been involved in the thirteen subsequent straight-to-video entries in the unsettlingly huge, inconsistent, hella cheap franchise.
This Time Next Year We’ll Be Millionaires, Then Two Years From Now, We Won’t
Long-running beloved British sitcom Only Fools and Horses ended in 1996 with its main characters becoming millionaires and heading into the sunset. It returned in 2001, with them broke again, back in their old lives. Stupid, insulting nonsense.
Brrrr! It’s Increasingly Disappointing In Here
Bring It On is genuinely great, and the first four cheapo straight-to-DVD sequels are fine. Solange is in one! By 2017’s Worldwide Cheersmack, however, the wheels had fallen off, and 2022’s Cheer or Die, inexplicably a PG-13 slasher movie, suuuuuuucks.
They Made A Huge Mistake
Even the worst Arrested Development episodes have great jokes, but it’s really best treated, like Frasier, as two shows — one almost flawless (2003-2006), one completely unnecessary but absolutely acceptable (2013-2019).
From Gene Hackman to Real Hacks, Man
The 2001 movie Behind Enemy Lines is a totally serviceable war movie starring Owen Wilson and Gene Hackman. The sequels star Nicholas Gonzales (?), WWE wrestler Mr. Kennedy (!) and the late Tom Sizemore (RIP).
Harry Potter and the Decreasingly Entertaining Cinematic Universe
The Harry Potter movies are great, made before J.K. Rowling lost her damn mind. The Fantastic Beasts ones? Absolutely dreadful, diluting everything that made the original series fun, and starring wall-to-wall bastards. And, yeah, lost her damn mind.
Walking Increasingly Short
1973’s Walking Tall, starring Joe Don Baker, had two sequels starring Bo Svenson. 2004’s Walking Tall, starring Dwayne Johnson, had two sequels starring Kevin Sorbo. Bo Svenson is no Joe Don Baker, and Kevin Sorbo is no Dwayne Johnson.
Who Am I? That’s One Secret I’ll Never Tell! Oh Wait, Hang On
When Gossip Girl was rebooted in 2021, nine years after originally ending, the creators decided to reveal Gossip Girl’s identity immediately and replace the biting, vicious humor of the original with a po-faced self-seriousness. Different show, same name, no fun.
Good Morning, Angels
Charlie’s Angels: great show, aired from 1976 to 1981. Charlie’s Angels: completely crap show, aired in 2011. Charlie’s Angels: two great movies, from 2000 and 2003. Charlie’s Angels: completely crap movie from 2019. Etc.
Jem and the Extremely Dull Coming-of-Age Drama
The 1980s Saturday morning cartoon Jem is a brightly colored, deeply silly show about rival bands using high-tech methods to out-rock each other. It’s fun. The 2015 live-action Jem and the Holograms is, inexplicably, both deadly serious and deeply boring.
