32 Secrets People Are Keeping from Their Spouses

Yeah, that DOES smell like gas…
32 Secrets People Are Keeping from Their Spouses

The foundation of a good marriage is keeping secrets — as long as they’re innocent. You drunkenly peed all over the floor? Blame granddad. You ate the entire package of Oreos? Sure, you “forgot to buy them.” The real reason you quit the master’s program at school was because of your connection to a murder? Wait a second, dude… What the hell?

Uh, on that note, these Redditors hid behind anonymity and shared some of the secrets they’ve been hiding from their better halves — a surprising amount of which involve farting. Who knew that so many people think being honest about a little toot could cause a stink in a marriage?

Sarah-JessicaSnarker . 156d Remember when we were engaged and visited your mom in the hospital, and she let a fart so rank that your eyes watered and we still talk about it 20 years later? That was me. ... Reply 22.2k
poppinwheelies . 157d That one time when went camping for 3 nights I left the garden hose on at home full blast and we got a $700 water bill. ... Reply 14.6k
kingmagog . 156d Every pay check I take out $25-$30 in small bills and slip some bills into her pockets while I'm folding laundry. Money is tight, and it's the source of a lot of anxiety for her, so to see how excite/relieved she gets when she finds it makes me happy ... Reply 14.5k
AmdRN19 . 157d That I accidentally found my engagement ring before he proposed so I knew he was going to and what the ring looked like ... Reply 419
Cassandra_Canmore . 157d They didn't forget to buy them at the grocery store. I, in fact, at 2 am. Ate the entire package of oreos. ... Reply 12.1k
camafu e 157d Early on in our relationship, I made breakfast for my then Girlfriend and her kids using some pancake mix she had in the pantry. After making the pancakes and serving to them, I went to mix up a little more to make mine...and I realized there were some maggots in the dry mix. They were pretty much done eating, and telling me how good they were...I decided that ignorance was better than telling them. Taking that one to my grave. ... Reply 13.4k
zeranoa 157d Sometimes I just watch her sleep and think of how lucky I am to have her in my life. God she's perfect. Still wonder what she sees in my goofy ass most of the time. But hey. I'm finally happy. l'll fucking take it. ... Reply 109
icome3rd . . 157d The person that shat on the floor at her parents at Christmas and pissed everywhere in the bathroom wasn't in fact grandad in his drunken stupor. It was in fact, me. That bastard stole my bacon sandwich last Christmas, and he deserved the lecture, even if it was for something different. ... Reply 5.2k
LoyeDamnCrowe 157d When I was 12 my mother caught me jacking off with a toothbrush half way up my ass. ... Reply 266
Dame_Danae 157d I don't like Lord of the Rings. I mean, I don't hate it. But I'm not crazy about it either. But I will stay up and spend an entire day with my so watching the whole thing (extended edition) with him. I will spend hours and hours helping him make LOTR Lego sets when he wants to. I will go out of my way to buy him hard bound copy of the books for his birthday because he mentioned it off-handedly that one time over dinner. If I tell him I'm not that into it, he'll feel guilty
Centennial3489 . 157d When he's sleeping next to me and snoring l'll stick a finger in his open mouth like I did just a minute ago. ... Reply 1.5k
toTheNewLife 156d Her mother was interfering in our marriage constantly. I had an appointment with a lawyer to talk over options for divorce because I couldn't stand it anymore. Then her mother died suddenly. Heart attack. After the funeral, things got better...and here we are now married for 3 decades. She doesn't need to know. ... Reply 2k
KhaosElement . 157d She snores like a pack of bears fighting/fucking on the lawn, and that after a decade...I can't fucking sleep when she's gone because it's my white noise. : Reply 303
cold_eskimo . 157d Sometimes i eat her food and she thinks it was the dog. ... Reply 120
Grokker999 . 157d That I pooped in the ocean while snorkeling off of Hawaii. And that was the reason for all the beautiful fish swarming around us all of a sudden (bon appetit dear fish!) Yes, indeed, it was magical. ... Reply 8.6k
jrkordan084 . 1 157d I ate the last Reese's peanut butter egg and blamed it on one of the kids ... Reply 11.2k
kitty_in_the_city . 157d I knocked the TV off the Ikea kallax shelf. I was walking quickly with the laundry basket half on my hip and knocked into the shelf. TV came tumbling down and landed upside down on some shoes. I guess the shoes cushioned the fall because the TV works perfectly. My husband has told me a thousand times to slow down so I won't bump into things, which I do often. I will never tell him that the TV fell from five feet and it was totally my fault. I also accidentally popped a leg off of my
. 1 157d How much I've spent setting up this saltwater fish tank, she called me crazy for spending 1000 bucks on lights ... Reply 997
Phantapant . 157d I found your pile of used contact lenses under the dresser next to the bed. ... Reply 469
Responsible_Cloud_92 .1 157d My love for fanfiction. It feels really stupid but I don't know why I don't want to talk about it. I've been reading fanfiction for 15 years+ and sometimes write in my spare time to this day. Не knows all of my other secrets, my deepest insecurities and he's never once ridiculed me or been anything but supportive. ... Reply 1.4k
NedTaggart . 157d Ok but promise you won't tell her...she has a pair of shoes that I really don't like, but she does, so I just keep it to myself because they make her happy. ... Reply 3.9k
b3llapng. 157d That i i throw out his old underwear with holes in them. I buy him the same pair of new ones, and i just take the other ones out! He's never questioned it but I'm sure he knows. ... Reply 563
TurtleGlobe. 1 156d That I left the Nintendo Switch you gifted me on a bus. The Switch that you see me using is a replacement that I bought on ebay. Reply 12.1k
Tittoilet . 1 157d I slept with the singer of Disturbed back in the day. I NEVER want my husband to know. No offence to the poor guy, but it's hella embarrassing. My husband would never ever judge me on my sexual history, in fact he's never really asked. I just fear if he knew, every time he entered me, he'd hear that stupid sound from down with the sickness. This is my shame. ... Reply 305
missnewbooty_ 157d That I farted and him checking the entire house as well as asking the neighbors if they smelled anything because he thought it could be a gas leak was a waste of time. ... Reply 7.4k
ALighterShadeOfPale . 1 157d Sometimes when I shake the kleenex outside, the spider isn't in it ... Reply 8.3k
Newtcore . 157d My wife thinks I quit the Master's program at University because I was having an affair with a Professor's wife (this was before she and I met). In actuality, I had to leave town because of my connection to a murder. This all happened 25 years ago, and everyone else involved has since passed away. ... Reply 2.7k
Kantforall . 156d When my wife and I fight I go around and tighten all the jars in the fridge so that she has to come talk to me if she wants to open one. ... Reply 322
Arrowings . 157d That I chipped our wonderful granite quartz counter (that he picked out) and filled it with white putty. I will take this to my grave. ... Reply 13.1k
smizzle2112 . 157d Several nights a week I stop at the McDonald's on the way home because I'm not too stoked on dinner plans and just tell her I got off work late. ... Reply 78
Doggystyle_Rainbow . 157d That the reason I lost my boner that one time in 69 position (Not the year) was because a piece of tp fell in my eye from her butt
rastroboy 156d My mother-in-law came to visit us and she and my wife were home when I arrived home from work. Apparently her mother was not feeling well because she was taking her temperature. When I looked in the medicine cabinet I realized that the oral thermometer was still in the cupboard and the anal thermometer for my son was missing. They look very similar and I suggested to my wife that we needed to mark one so no mishaps would ever occur. My wife told me that I was being ridiculous, so I didn't because I know the difference
Scroll down for the next article

Must Read

VIRAL ON CRACKED

A WEEKLY
NEWSLETTER OF
JOKES + TRIVIA

Forgot Password?