27 of the Funniest Things People Said While Under Anesthesia

One guy was begging to be Bowie
27 of the Funniest Things People Said While Under Anesthesia

There’s an entire subgenre of videos dedicated to the hilarious things people do when they’re under the influence of anesthesia. While the reasons for requiring anesthesia can vary, it seems that everyone pulls the “chaos” lever when returning to consciousness. Whether it’s begging to be David Bowie, professing love for everyone in the room or pitying a Super Mario brother, these doped-up incidents are funnier than anything on television today. In fact, some of these people need to start writing a sitcom script as soon as possible.

surfallday71 . € 6y My friend woke up from hernia surgery and immediately asked the doctor how long before I can masturbate ... 40
hotsauce126 . . 6y I'm an anesthesia student currently doing my clinical rotations and I had an old guy wake up and the first thing he asked was do I still have my balls? and I told him yep, both of them and he said both? Aw you guys are great ... 13.1k
 . 6y I shadowed a surgery once with this guy who woke up saying, give it to me straight doc, will I ever play the piano again? All of us were cracking up and he then goes, oh, wait.. I don't know how to play the piano. ... 1.7k
indietorch. 6y I had a patient pet an invisible kitty that was named after me. The next day, was completely with it and was wondering what happened to that kitty. ... 5.6k
MountainDewAndSmokes . 6y Not a doctor or nurse. When my sister was 16, she had back surgery to repair a ruptured disc in her lower back. Apparently, the meds that they gave her before she was put under gave her low enough inhibitions that instead of counting backward from 10, she started belting out the lyrics to Roxanne. The OR staff later told my mom that not only were they amazed that someone that young knew the lyrics, that the way that she started singing was one of the funniest things they had seen in an OR. ... 672
LordWhiskey . 6y Wish I was earlier to this one. My fiancee recently had her tonsils removed. Her mother and I were there when she woke up. After a few minutes she told her mother Now that I've got my tonsils out, I can fit more of his dick in my mouth! It was awkward. ... 1.3k
tecnoladave . 6y I had surgery on my wrist and came out of anesthesia screaming my balls hurt. The doctor came in and asked what was wrong. I said my balls hurt. Не replied dude you had wrist surgery. No one touched your balls. ... 610
Hines_Ward 6y I was the patient, but I had to get 5 teeth pulled. The nurse was helping my mom shuffle me to the car. I turned to thank her, but couldn't get my mouth to work, so I bowed and doffed an imaginary cap. M'anesthesia ... 6k
Channel250 . 6y Once I woke up asking if the ends justify the means. Once I went under while reminding all the women in the room that the room is very cold and they shouldn't judge. ... 694
bobsuselesshat . 6 6y I was the patient but I think this qualifies. Colonoscopy. In this big lounge chair still half asleep in recovery, I half rollover and let rip the biggest fart in history. The devil himself created this one. I open half an eye at the nurse, ask was that me?, jaw on the ground she nods and I go back to sleep! ... 2.4k
sdevine89 . 6y Went straight from the ER to surgery to put a plate in my badly broken arm, so I hadn't been on a ward etc prior to the operation. Came out of surgery and recovery and was being pushed in a hospital bed to a ward. We turned in to a ward and it was full of elderly people, I was in my early twenties, I turned to the hospital porter pushing me and shouted Sorry we seem to have taken a wrong turn, we're in the morgue ... 2.6k
1shroud . 6y told to me by my wife confirmed by the nurse - I was in bed hospital room, waiting for surgery, they already gave me meds to calm me BUT they knocked me out 2 nurses come in to move me to a gurney' but they were small and I'm big they can't move me over, my wife came over and poked me in the ribs saying your snoring rollover, and I rolled right onto the gurney ... 13.7k
 . 6y A patient woke up from his wisdom tooth removal begging the doctor to let him be David Bowie. The doctor actually asked how that was supposed to happen, and the answer was that it would be fantastic. ... 4.2k
 6y When my husband woke up from having his wisdom teeth surgically removed his nurse was a rather large lady. (like 350+) Не looked her dead in the eyes and said You're too beautiful to be a nurse, you should have been a model. Why don't you just come home with me and my wife? (yes he was propositioning a 3 way with a 50 year old 350 pound nurse) Most awkward moment of my life. ... 4.1k
Long_live_Broctune . 6y Older female patient was sedated and we were just starting her colonoscopy. As the surgeon began putting the scope in her bum she sleepily swatted her hand towards her behind and said, Not now, John! We all just looked at each other and started cracking up. ... 44
tdurty . 6y Had a patient in for an an endoscopy. As a matter of course, we place a speculum (think ball gag, but a metal ring instead of a ball) in the mouth through which to pass the scope so the patient doesn't bite the scope once they're under. We typically place it right at induction of anesthesia. This patient had the presence of mind to ask us what the 'safe word' was before he lost consciousness as we placed the speculum. One of the rare times the whole OR erupted in laughter. ... 13k
d1rTb1ke . 6y Just coming out of surgery and the nurse says I'm going to take your temperature now to which I respond will you give it back? ... 106
 6y I woke up from anesthesia after surgery for my wisdom teeth and went on and on about how nice the dude was who gave me the anesthesia, and that I just loved him. That he was a nice dude, a guy to take home to my mother. Не was great, and I felt great, and everything was great. Then my mom told me to stop crying, because she was going to cry. And I told her NO YOU STOP CRYING BEFORE I CRY! I was apparently sobbing from the moment I came to, including during my profession of
Funkmaster_Flash 6y Patient checking in. I was 18 and just had my appendix removed, my mum was at my bedside. I wake up in more pain from the operation than the appendicitis and even worse my balls are itchy. I'm wearing a hospital gown & I'm out of it so I put my hand on my stomach and run it down to my skin so I can scratch my balls. Obviously not wearing underwear and my hand runs down an excess of smooth skin, then suddenly I'm touching my goods. I rummage around and come to the conclusion that someone
biggmamakass02. 6y My 11 year old daughter woke up crying after foot surgery because she felt bad for Luigi. When I asked her why, she said because no one ever wants to be him when they play. ... 292
FoxTrotW . 6y I had an endoscopy performed and was put into a twighlight sedation. When I woke up, I barely remember sitting in the recovery area. I heard the beeping from my monitor. I started to shake, and my wife freaked out and called in the nurses thinking I was having some type of seizure or something. I was just trying to make the beeping go faster by shaking. ... 97
tallyblade . 6y I woke up from knee surgery and demanded a Vodka & Coke with no ice. Also for some reason I when I woke up I was freezing cold and shivering, one of the nurses hooked me up to some heater which blew warm air under the covers from the bottom of the bed. I then likened myself to Marilyn Monroe, I'm a 6ft 2 athletic guy! ... 490
Soundswipe . 6y Not the doctor or the nurse I had a lot of ear infections when I was younger, and my final time (I was about 7) I woke up to the Rugrats on a tv in the room (I hated the Rugrats at the time). Cue the following conversation: Me: Why are the Rugrats on? Doctor: You woke up earlier and said you wanted us to put on the Rugrats. We asked why, and you said that you hated the Rugrats and wanted to watch it so you could be angry. Me: Why did I want to be
dxnxax . 6y Came out of anesthetic and the lead nurse decides it's time to tell me all about post ор care. She says, Now this is going to be a pain in the ass... and I said, If that's the case, then you guys performed the wrong procedure! It was a nose operation. The assistant nurse started laughing. Lead nurse not so amused. ... 872
GGoDDeSS. 6y My surgeon told me that when I was waking up from anesthesia, he was walking past my bed and I yelled out as loud as I could, Thanks for not killing me Dr. Smith! (name changed) Не later told me it really made his day and he'll never forget it. ... 81
Solias 6y I got my wisdom teeth out last month and was curiously subdued, my wife informed me, at least at the office. She loaded me up in the car and away we went. About halfway home, she called my mother to let her know that the surgery went well and I remained stonily quiet. After she got off the phone, I demanded that my wife call my mother back. When she did so I told her: Mom. You have lots of dogs. And they need lots of love. Then I made the 'cut the call' motion to my wife.
TacoCamacho13 . 6y My bff had a vasectomy and when he was first given the drugs three nurses walked in that were rather attractive. Не looks up with his wife in the room and says If would of know there was going to be hot women in here, I would of worn my big dick. ... 4.6k
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