25 of the Funniest Burns from the Week of October 30, 2023

This is Amy Schumer’s best joke yet
25 of the Funniest Burns from the Week of October 30, 2023

Like many other celebrities whenever there’s a global crisis dominating the news cycle, Amy Schumer has been using her platform to speak up and share her beliefs. Unfortunately for the Trainwreck comedian, much of what she’s shared has been criticized down to the very last punctuation mark. One repeated criticism in particular struck a nerve with Schumer, and so, she decided to push back. In a lengthy Notes app screenshot posted to Instagram, she wrote, “People calling me a failed comic. I’m the most successful female comedian of all time.” 

Many commenters, of course, were quick to point out that that is the funniest joke Schumer has ever told. Because it’s just that — a joke. After all, as of 2022, the comedian didn’t even crack the top five of the highest paid female comedians, let alone the top spot. That honor was held by former daytime host Ellen DeGeneres. Nor has she had the lasting impact of Lucille Ball and Joan Rivers. But hey, she’ll always be remembered as Chuck Schumer’s distant relative. 

For her sake at least, Schumer wasn’t the only one going through the wringer this week. Other sick burns hit a Bell Hooks reader, a pop singer who already looks like a killer doll and a generation of kids woefully unprepared for karma to hit back. 

Hagby @abbyinthealps 1d ... Putting myself up for adult adoption Today 4:53 PM It's snowing Father Yeah we got windows thanks Omg? 36 1.3K 35.1K 654K
wengel @wengelll 13h the actor who plays Homelander. not acting 71 1.7K 14.5K del 605K
@cursedkief . 2d body by pizza - unemployed gay on steroids 3 52 1.1K del 61.1K
tiffany @normaltiffany. 2d ... Often Boomer and Gen Z look down on Millennial together. They exchange meaningful glances when she victimises herself. They agree that she is not bright as they are, cannot reason as they do. This collusion does not save the Gen Z from the Millennial's fate. 3 323 3.8K 108K
Lolo @LolOverruled 3d ... thank you U def gay bro!!!!!! Oct 3, 2023, 4:02 AM 1 new message Keep up the hard work brother. 4:59 PM 15 164 8.1K 164K
Asia Jackson @aasian 1d ... The daughter of Martin Luther King Jr told you to read her father's book btw I don't know if you saw that. Instead of harassing me on Instagram you could get to reading @amyschumer 211 8.3K 67.9K 1.9M
Saint Bob Payne @saintbobpayne . 1d That's fair tbh Today Too many tweets today You're a 3 tweet a day follow Know your role + 5:19 PM 5 1.1K 96 40.9K
rare insults @insultsrare.4d eliza ! @venmosnake Men invented online gaming as an excuse to talk on the phone all night with other men 2:56 AM 2021-11-03 Twitter for iPhone 4,490 Retweets 361 Quote Tweets 24K Likes 158 4.1K 49K 1.5M
Hurt CoPain @SaeedDiCaprio 23h ... everyone is saying amy schumer has never made a funny joke but I disagree have u seen this one ??? amyschumer ... I have never been given any money to support a cause other than tampons. I've never stolen a joke. People calling me a failed comic. I'm the most successful female comedian of all time 528 12.8K 148K 3.6M
f @fionerss.2 2d You could use the most advanced torture methods in the entire world and you still would not pull this information out of me Sublime @OX5034Q 10/20/23 Replying to @mairevived I've fvcked dozens upon dozens of women and not a single one was able to cum. Its biologically impossible for women to achieve orgasm. Idk why yall jus b lying on this app for no reason for Readers added context This is disinformation. Women are more than capable of achieving orgasms. This is just the poster's personal experience of having sex with women. ... Show this note 2
aria @vampsverse 2d ... it be two dumb btches telling each other exactlyyyyy AMYSCHUMER Follow Posts amyschumer ... I have never been given any money to support a cause other than tampons. I've never stolen a joke. Comments noahschnapp 59m Fuck yes. The haters have nothing on you 101 Reply View 8 more replies 397 28.7K 185K 19.4M
Matt Binder @MattBinder 4d No Shigeru Miyamoto @ShigeruMlyamoto Saw a picture of Mario and Luigi kissing one another online. Please do not do that. 6:48 PM 12/17/16 from Earth POP CRAVE Pop Crave @PopCrave.5 5d Camila Mendes and boyfriend Rudy Mancuso as Mario and Luigi for Halloween. 16 309 5.5K 187K
AARON @lidolmix . 3d him not having to do too much Pop Base @PopBase.3 3d Ed Sheeran dressed as Chucky for Halloween. 16 757 19.3K 938K
Ben Crew @BenjaminCrew1 .4d Airline attendant: We are now boarding for Group 1 only. I repeat, Group 1 only. Someone from Group 6: 94 8.2K 103K 3.3M
deja' @dejadenile 14h ... yea...just like a movie sam (fan account) @Govmmentjudas - 15h her face is like a movie... 69 2K 37.6K 926K
edna @edna_days 1d she sensed a healthy kidney willie @NOCHILLWILL 2d this picture is killing me bad 117 1.3K 17.3K 1M
Weavie Wonder @hannaehwrites - 3d If they have kids all the Blackness gone come from Channing side. POP CRAVE @PopCrave. 3d Pop Crave Zoë Kravitz and Channing Tatum are engaged after two years of dating, PEOPLE reports. 504 4.8K 46.4K 4.8M
rose mcgowan @eurotrashgir1.3d Have you ever seen a womans body **** @mortyinthahouse 4d me after drinking beer all weekend 944 39.9K 28 991K
unruly rabbit @jd_991999.22h page 1 and u already taking selfies @drybagels - 1d ORK TIMES BESTSELLER be all about S love all about lo NEW VISIONS bell hooks 125 96.4K 5.2K del 2.8M
Andrew @Swordfish978. 1d Imagine flopping so hard they don't even care that you're also a bad person V Variety @Variety . 2d A studio source notes that regardless of Jonathan Majors's legal issues, Marvel already had considered moving away from a Majors-led phase because of the box office performance of Quantumania, which will struggle to make a profit. wp.me/pc8uak-1lDbvS 146 21.5K 1.3M 816
Brock Wilbur @brockwilbur•3d This is behind a paywall. October 30, 2023 First there was LOL (laugh out loud). Then came ROFL (rolling on the floor laughing). Now, there's a new term: IJBOL. Getty Images 65 95 3K 156K
no context memes @weirddalle. 4d WINTER FANS BE LIKE AH YES, 3PM 389 13.1K 194K del 7.2M
The Devil's Banana @hiyaheaux 2d A lady just asked me am I proud to be celebrating the devils holiday. Ma'am I'm a banana. A WAITE 308 9.9K 90.3K 2.4M
Fred Delicious @Fred_Delicious 1d If you popped a balloon within 40ft of this group at least two of them would start crying GOP Josh @GOPJosh20.3d The female mind, the beta mind, and the liberal mind are all the same. None of them can comprehend the levels of alpha male in this one photo. Capitol Capitol South 213 1.9K 57.6K 2.8M
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