Groan-Worthy Puns That Would Give Even a Popsicle Stick Pause
You might want to use that popsicle stick to gouge out your eyes, or ears — whatever it takes to make it all go away
Sorry, pal. You’re the one who clicked on a list of puns, and now it’s time to take your medicine. We’re gonna sit right here while you read every last one.
No one said this would be fun! But it’s important for you to learn your lesson: If you click on a title that promises a list of puns, you’re making lists of puns a viable content strategy — and furthermore, encouraging a media environment where lists of puns can thrive.
The internet used to be a place of beauty and wonder. But now, thanks to your consumption habits, it’s an endless stack of 15 puns at a time.
This hurts us more than it hurts you.
I used to play piano by ear. Now I mainly use my fingers.
What’s the best social media snack? Insta-Graham crackers! (Don’t blame us for that one; it comes from Tracy Morgan).
Scientists shouldn’t trust atoms. They make up everything.
I might quit writing lists and become a baker, because I knead the dough.
What’s a giraffe’s favorite fruit? Neck-tarines! (You can thank Zach Braff for that one).
The guy who invented Altoids made a mint.
Tom Hanks once sidled up to Tom Selleck in the men’s room and said, “Looks like we’re a couple of peeing Toms.” (We didn’t make that up either — that’s Hanks’ own real-life story).
What was the foot’s favorite type of chips? Dori-toes. (Please stick to hamburgers, Mark Wahlberg).
I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. For some reason I can’t put it down.
How do you catch up on a unique animal? You ‘nique up on it. (Got a problem with that one? Take it up with Samuel L. Jackson).
If spaghetti made an action movie, what would it be called? Mission Im-pasta-ble. (Unfortunately we will never forgive Will Ferrel for this pun).
Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was out standing in his field.
Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm? He’s all right now.
Did you hear the one about the guy who escaped prison? He said, “I’m free! I’m free!” A little boy heard him and said, “So what? I’m four.” (It brings us no pleasure to report that that banger originated from Boris Johnson).
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? There’s nothing left but da brie.
