22 of the Funniest Burns from the Week of February 12, 2024

Her web may connect them all, but in the case of Madame Web, the “them” in question is the critics writing scathing reviews of Dakota Johnson’s foray into the superhero machine. The Spider-Man spin-off that does everything in its (super)power not to mention Peter Parker by name spun up a startlingly weak $6 million opening at the box office and set a record low for the web-slinging universe with just a 14-percent score on Rotten Tomatoes. The movie has been slighted so much that a theater employee told one Twitter user to “just try to enjoy it.” This is advice that Johnson herself has yet to take, as the actress told the U.K.-based radio station Magic FM that she hasn’t “actually seen the movie” and “probably won’t.”

Thankfully for Johnson and everyone else involved in Madame Web, the future cult classic isn’t burning at the stake alone. Other digital burn victims this week included Babylon defenders, bird owners and the war criminals with a certain astrological makeup.