14 Groanworthy Puns From r/Jokes That Will Make You Ashamed of the Entire English Language
Straight to jail
These are some weapons-grade dad jokes. Handle with care.
All the fraternities in my college rejected me because I was circumcised
Apparently you need to be a complete dick to get in.
My girlfriend is the square root of negative 100. She’s a perfect 10, but also imaginary
Our relationship is complex.
I told my date I didn’t like her talking about her late boyfriend
She told me she’d stop whenever I start showing up on time.
I told my wife, ‘I drew the entire Himalayan mountain range from memory’
Her: Is it to scale?
Me: No… it’s to look at.
Called my wife to tell her I’d pick up Fish and Chips on my way home from work, but she hung up on me
She’s still pissed about letting me name our kids.
My girlfriend always said that the male genitalia is not attractive, so I decided to cover my balls in mascara, eyeshadow and glitter. I’m pretty sure she liked it
As soon as she saw them she said, “Wow, that’s pretty nuts.”
My wife said I was a ‘fucking idiot’ for betting all our money on ‘discovery of extra terrestrial life by the end of 2024’
Who's the idiot now?! I can’t wait to show her this letter I’ve just received from the government saying they’ve found evidence of “a lien on your property.”
How does the potion master please his girlfriend?
Elixir
I told my husband he was awful at directions
He got so mad that he packed his bags and right.
A man walked into a Men’s Warehouse, and an employee asked if he needed any help trying on suits. He said, ‘No thanks’
The employee said, “Suit yourself.”
I never understood why childbirth is called delivery
It should have been called takeout instead.
My wife said she would leave me if didn’t stop making jokes about European cities
I’m determined not Toulouse her.
Two nuns were riding their bicycles in the back streets and alleys of Rome. One turns to the other and says, “I’ve never come this way before!”
The other replied, “It’s the cobblestones!”
My math teacher said I was just average
That’s mean