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25 Very Devastating Insults Lobbed At and By Famous Folks

By:: Cracked Writers; Timon DJ Spajic

November 27, 2023

25 Very Devastating Insults Lobbed At and By Famous Folks

Today’s zingers lack the elegance and humor of past insults, and definitely don’t deliver the gratification of visualizing your history textbook’s most revered characters getting down and dirty with a little linguistic warfare. Which is why we’ve uncovered some of history’s most ruthless rebukes — you know, to demonstrate exactly how cruel history’s greatest could be. You should especially avoid offending well-known comedians, filmmakers and playwrights because their burns are particularly toasty.

25

The Walter Scott was a steamboat in Huckleberry Finn. It was named that as an insult. Author Mark Twain thought Sir Walter Scott's novels glorified war and were to blame for much of the windy humbuggeries of the South, which led to things like duels or even the Civil War itself. So Twain named a steamboat after Scott, then had it carried away by a strong current and wrecked against some rocks. CRACKED.COM Ira Fistell, 2012. Mark Twain: Three Encounters. — 23 Sneaky Insults That Sailed Right Over People's Heads

24

On Guy Fieri T 00 GRACKED.COM Pete Wells reviewed Fieri's Times Square restaurant: Is the entire restaurant a very expensive piece of conceptual art? Is the shapeless, structureless baked alaska that droops and slumps and collapses while you eat it, or don't eat it, supposed to be a representation in sugar and eggs of the experience of going insane? — NY Times

23

People took Valley Girl seriously CRACKED.COM For this '80s song, Frank Zappa had his daughter Moon improvise a bunch of nonsense words to make fun of the sort of way Valley girls talk. But people who heard the song, and perhaps hadn't even heard of Valley girls before, thought it was real slang, and this slang spread across the country. — 6 Parodies That Succeeded Because Nobody Got the Joke

22

According to the original Hitchhiker's Guide, The worst poet in the universe is Paul Neil Milne Johnstone of Redbridge. That's a real guy. Johnstone is a former classmate of author Douglas Adams, and Adams despised Johnstone's poetry. On seeing his name, Johnstone called Adams mean and petty, so Adams called Johnstone humorless and unpopular. But he did wind up changing the name... to Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings of Redbridge. CRACKED.COM M. J. Simpson, 2005. Hitchhiker: A Biography of Douglas Adams. — 23 Sneaky Insults That Sailed Right Over People's Heads

21

Sweet Home Alabama was a direct rebuttal to Neil Young's songs Alabama and Southern Man which Lynyrd Skynyrd CRACKED.COM found denigrating to the American South. NAME INSDES DE WHO Well, I've heard Mistuh Young sing about her, Well I've heard ole Neil put her down, Well, I hope Neil Young will remember, A southern man don't need him around anyhow! — 16 Pop Songs With Hidden Insults

20

Mel Brooks T 00 MIRTANT MAN - i - I - - the i - CRACKED.COM Brooks had no respect for studio execs who offered notes on The Elephant Man, writing to them, We are involved in a business venture. We screened the film for you to bring you up to date as to the status of that venture. Do not misconstrue this as our soliciting the input of raging primitives. — TCM

19

Joke political party turned real CRACKED.COM A satirist in Poland figured that revolution wasn't realistic and so created the Polish Beer-Lovers' Party. Its platform: more beer, less vodka. The party won 16 seats in parliament. Then it split into a couple different parties, one of which renamed itself to the Polish Economic Program, a legit party. — 6 Parodies That Succeeded Because Nobody Got the Joke

18

Gravity Falls used an in-universe spoof show to boo its own big twist. H AFF The hero of Gravity Falls' in-universe show Duck-tective turned out to have a twin brother -just like Grunkle Stan did, as fans predicted way in advance. When Duck-tective revealed this, Mabel complained, That's the big twist we were waiting for?!? and Grenda shouted, What a rip-off! Soos said he predicted it like, a year ago. CRACKED.COM — 13 Movies And Shows That Dunked On Themselves

17

Royals takes aim at the artists Lorde listened to as a kid (Drake, Nicki Minaj, Lana Del Rey.) But everybody's like Cristal, Maybach, diamonds on your timepiece Jet planes, islands, tigers on a gold leash We don't care; we aren't caught up in your love affair. Lorde told Interview magazine: They all sing about such opulence, stuff that just didn't relate to me-or anyone that I knew. CRACKED.COM — 16 Pop Songs With Hidden Insults

16

George T Bernard Shaw I CRACKED.COM Shaw fancied himself a better writer than Shakespeare, whom he called This 'immortal' pilferer of other men's stories and ideas, with his monstrous rhetorical fustian, his unbearable platitudes, his pretentious reduction of the subtlest problems of life to commonplaces against which a Polytechnic debating club would revolt. — The Paris Review

15

Dirty Harry killed a film critic CRACKED.COM The New Yorker's Pauline Kael criticized the violence in Dirty Harry. So for the final movie in the film series, they created a film critic character who looked like Kael, and had a murderer stab her to death. With her final words, the critic admits she secretly likes the movies she condemns. — Annoying Ways Movies Break The Fourth Wall

14

CRACKED.COM Against Locke's philosophy in particular, I think it an unanswerable objection (if we needed any), that, although he carried his throat about with him in this world for seventy-two years, no man ever condescended to cut it. Thomas De Quincey, on John Locke — 24 Sick Burns That You Can Feel All The Way Across History

13

Dolores Umbridge is a sadistic Harry Potter character. She's a parody of a real person. The character is based on a real teacher that J.K. Rowling didn't get along with. She says that the teacher's style reminded her of a three-year-old, and that the dislike was mutual. So she immortalized her as one of the most hated characters in her book series. http://www.stylist.co.uk/books/j-k-rowling-reveals-the-real-life-inspiration- CRACKED.COM behind-professor-dolores-umbridge-in-new-harry-potter-story-halloween — 23 Sneaky Insults That Sailed Right Over People's Heads

12

Destiny's Child's Survivor isn't so much about women's empowerment as much as it's about dissing ex-bandmates. You thought I wouldn't sell LeToya Luckett and LaTavia Roberson, without you, who left the group sold 9 million. before the hit, sued over the lyrics: CRACKED.COM — 16 Pop Songs With Hidden Insults

11

A fake romance became a bestseller Naked Came The Stranger by Penelope Ashe NCRAGRED.COM Naked Came The Stranger was supposed to parody bad romance. Collaborators didn't even read each other's work before slapping the drafts together to make a novel. It wasn't a funny parody, just a hoax. But it sold hundreds of thousands of copies and even got a serious film adaptation. — 6 Parodies That Succeeded Because Nobody Got the Joke

10

CRACKED.COM GIT-R-BAND David Cross on Larry the Cable Guy: I guess one could say that you're 'telling it like it is.' And considering the vast amount of oversimplification you employ to describe with sweeping generalizations all of America and the world that 'don't make no sense to you,' as well as your lack of sensitivity and second-grade grammar, one might be led to think you are proud of not appearing (or being) too intellectual. — 24 Sick Burns That You Can Feel All The Way Across History

9

CRACKED.COM THAT WAS YOUR FIRST MISTAKE, YOU TOOK YOUR LUCKY BREAK AND BROKE IT IN TWO... -TOO MANY PEOPLE LAMOUR AIX E AFTER THE BEATLES BROKE UP, JOHN LENNON AND PAUL MCCARTNEY TRADED BARBS THROUGH SONG. SO SGT. PEPPER TOOK YOU BY SURPRISE... THOSE FREAKS WAS RIGHT WHEN THEY SAID YOU WAS DEAD.. -HOW DO YOU SLEEP? — 16 Pop Songs With Hidden Insults

8

You are the king Joffrey of pop. -Jeff Ross, Comedy Central Justin Bieber Roast GRACKED.COM — 24 Sick Burns That You Can Feel All The Way Across History

7

The hero in Willow must defeat a two- headed dragon. It's named after Siskel and Ebert. Willow is a George Lucas film, and Lucas decided the two-headed monster was the perfect chance for him to get back at film critics Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert. Apparently, they had been less than complimentary about his body of work. So he named the dragon Eborsisk, which is a near-portmanteau of their names. CRACKED.COM https://monsterlegacy.net/2013/03/04/eborsisk-monster-willow/ — 23 Sneaky Insults That Sailed Right Over People's Heads

6

The song Scum by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds was aimed at music journalist Mat Snow. ...he' 'reminded me of some evil gnome/Shaking his hands was like shaking a hot, fat, oily bone This was all because Snow gave the band's second album a negative review. CRACKED.COM — 16 Pop Songs With Hidden Insults

5

This movie doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels. Rogert Ebert, reviewing Tom Green's CRACKED.COM Freddy Got Fingered — 24 Sick Burns That You Can Feel All The Way Across History

4

In 1944, a poetry journal dedicated an issue to Ern Malley. 1944 Autumn Number to Commemorate the Australian Poet Ern Malley Ern Malley never existed. His poetry was the work of two Australian poets who wanted to play a prank on the poetry community. They created 17 intentionally nonsensical poems by pulling quotes from whatever they had, like a report on mosquito breeding grounds. Then they submitted them to a poetry journal called Angry Penguins. Today, Ern Malley poetry remains substantially respected. CRACKED.COM http://www.cabinetmagazine.org/issues/33/wertheim.php — 23 Sneaky Insults That Sailed Right Over People's Heads

3

I'LL STICK AROUND BY FOO FIGHTERS IS A SLIGHT AGAINST COURTNEY LOVE. How could it be I'm the only one who sees your rehearsed insanity? Grohl was not a fan of Love before or after Kurt Cobain's death, admitting 15 years after the song's release that she was the source of his ire. CRACKED.COM — 16 Pop Songs With Hidden Insults

2

CRACKED.COM I have been attacked by Rush Limbaugh on the air, an experience somewhat akin to being gummed by a newt. It doesn't actually hurt, but it leaves you with slimy stuff on your ankle. - Molly Ivins — 24 Sick Burns That You Can Feel All The Way Across History

1

Which of these buttons calls your parents to pick you up? - Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog talking to a man in a Darth Vader suit at the premiere of Star Wars: Attack of the Clones. CRACKED.COM — 24 Sick Burns That You Can Feel All The Way Across History

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