36 of the Funniest Tweets from Thursday, December 19, 2024

My circus is totally different
36 of the Funniest Tweets from Thursday, December 19, 2024

With just two weeks until her Golden Globes hosting debut, Nikki Glaser paid a visit to The View and got advice from one of the best to ever do it. Whoopi Goldberg urged her to pay attention to the room and steer clear of social media, because she’s “the guide” and will “take all the hits” from anyone who has something to complain about. Goldberg, who hosted the Oscars four times and the Grammys once, told Glaser to “do (her) thing and kick everybody's ass.”

While much of the fanfare surrounding Saturday Night Live’s semi-centennial has focused on the comedy and the way the show evolved, Questlove is taking a look back at 50 years of musical guests with a new documentary. The three-hour special Ladies & Gentleman… 50 Years of SNL Music will “feature untold stories behind the culture-defining, groundbreaking and newsmaking musical performances, sketches and cameos of the past 50 years.” The documentary will include more than 50 interviews with the likes of Mick JaggerJustin Timberlake and other musicians who have graced the Studio 8H stage. 

Over on the timeline, they’re fine-tuning the humor. Today’s funniest tweets include those about the downside of the low ponytail, long Charlie Day and the horrors of the self-checkout camera.

ВООР @Bootyfuluni - 1d ... You ever look at yourself on the self-checkout camera and think, wow, I better write my will. 25 256 2.4K 53K
music wins @musicwins1 1d ... SHERYL CROW MORRISSEY 3 211 3.1K del 79K
ellie schnitt @holy_schnitt.6h my hungry ass thought that was a charcuterie board millie @stunninbrina-17h this is so old school hollywood star coded 15 5 1.8K 86K
Tracie Breaux @traciebreaux. 1d Him: I need advice. Me: (eating red velvet cake for breakfast) You came to the right person. 10 303 2.3K 44K
Benny Feldman @Feldfrog 18h Ms Frizzle hungover, phoning it in, just taking the kids inside a movie 8 150 3.4K 57K
Haruka Panlunch @AumGensokyo 10h REMINDER THAT YOU MISSED OUT ON PPP loan fraud AND THERE'S NO GOING BACK 11 393 4.3K 64K
Kristen @Kica333. 1d I kind of miss when people stood 6 feet away. 70 507 2.5K 48K
Shane @sbliss89.17h Joan Crawford Jolly Arkin! @Arkynszcki . 3 3d who the fuck turns ? years old AY CANDLE CANDLE BIRTHDAY CANDLE 3 in (7.6 cm) 1 PIECE your cmf the n (7.6 cm) 1 PIEC Baker Bakery CRAFTS CRAFTS! O ? THUN LABLE BIRTHDAY CANDLES FREE TROPPER 324 3.1K 18 74K
SUE the T. rex @SUEtheTrex 23h ... My favorite part of every museum is the wet nightmares they keep on display at a child's eye level. 50 1.2K 16K 164K
Jason, ex inferis @benedictsred 1d ... All pants are tear away pants if you're strong enough. 11 173 1K 27K
arlo @geomaccas. 1 18h ... what does he want now Paul McCartney ... replied: Text me privately 10 603 11K 129K
don sashie @pappapeppapig . 14h yes i needed this Une Entreprise Familiale Air 20195 Air from 2019 $20 59K 7 198 4.5K
charlie @chunkbardey 22h ... when a friend is depressed sometimes the nicest thing you can do for them is to ask them to do a favor for you 110 3.6K 60K del 1M
Mcdonald's#1 Wairror unarmed combat @TWO... . 1d ... Sorry i said all that wierd stuff i didnt mean it unless u liked it 16 5.9K 26K 381K
Katie D @KatieDeal99.2 20h ... I can handle anything that comes my way except for when I'm hungry or sleepy or stressed or have a stuffy nose 9 255 1.5K 33K
Ellis @subuwustevens.19h I like how not my circus, not my monkeys softly implies that you DO have a circus-perhaps even complete with monkeys-but this isn't it 231 18.6K 160K 2.3M
madi @intospidervrse 1d how it feels to log a first watch 5 stars on letterboxd GIF 24 3.1K 31K 480K
@halalltakeaway 1d Soraya Bouazzaoui crying he just wanted an excuse to be like 'look how hot I've always been' Stanley Tucci @TucciStanley_ 1d really wish I could convey to young people just how awesome it was to be a kid in the 80s and 90s, before cellphones and internet and social media exploded. This was taken 42 years ago. 89 3.7K 86K 1.9M
Will Menaker @willmenaker. 1d This is probably why he's the best white rapper COM PLEX @Complex. 1d Complex Paul Wall Says Не 'Didn't Know' Не Was White Until Classmates Told Him Full details here: bit.ly/40aqAfn SiriusXM S S Siriu XM SiriusXM S S rius M S Siri 46 121 3.7K 154K
alex @turntineforwhat . 1d ... every low pony comes at a price 144.3K X Likes 144.3K Comments 501 Shiloh you look like anthony ramos 10-15 Reply 160 29 2.7K 47K
Gravantus @Gravantus 20h Looking through the list of everyone in the GC 2. TYPES OF HOMOSEXUAL The Bisexual, 26 The Married Man: Upper Class, 26 Middle Class, 32 Working Class, 33 The Demoralized Married Man, 35 The Young Bisexual, 36 The Self-isolated Homosexual, 41 The Fully Sublimated Homosexual or Bisexual, 43 The Homosexual Prostitute: The Young Volunteer, 44 The Call-boy, 46 The 'Cottage' type, 48 The Club and Pub Prostitute, 49 The 'Roller', 50 Sugar Daddies, 50 'Married' Homosexual Partners, 51 The Pub Type, 53 The Club Type, 54 The Homosexual 'Friend', 56 The Prison Queer, 57 The Ship's Queer,
(was jorjor wel @livvanii . 2 22h ... exex one time Jesse Eisenberg came into my job and my coworker said he loved him in Batman V. Superman and Jesse responded I've been in better movies 117 1.9K 54K 909K
@ndstryplant.1 10 I'm dating to marry I'm actually dating to slowly kiss someone with tongue 86 7.4K 80K 1.2M
TokyoSunbather @tokyosunbather 21h there is something deeply ominous about this. exit all financial markets. Know Your Know Your Meme Meme @knowyourmeme 1d Lachborne Bachkhaz (aka Lucky Luciano) recreated the You Know I Had to Do It to Em meme ten years later. Times Bay 103 3.5K 65K 2.5M
francis division @srchies 1d back in my day fartpog would have been on ellen with cookie for this tweet devin 8 @fartpog. 6d saw this guy and said Ew ew ew ew ew ew ugly and then felt so bad i cried and bought him BEAM ty 1K 43K 19 587K
Agent 47 @itsreallymax 1d ... I'm confused? Following big mf don ! @ittsangel_ Follows you big mf don ! @ittsangel_ 1d just went and unfollowed all my fine mutuals 303 2.6K 70K 2.8M
will o'brien @willobri. 20h school tours are absolutely wasted on children. literally a total waste of time. they have tiny brains. let me and my huge-brained friends tour the local hydro-electric dam and appreciate it in all its glory. these small-brained children cannot give it the respect it deserves. 109 2.7K 41K 736K
Jeanie @buttforager. 15h Obsessed with Asian restaurant owners that hate being open and serving food 89 928 26K 477K
Peter Hague @peterrhague - 23h Thanks, Apple Intelligence X 7m ago 4 X Raging argument in replies, topic unclear 143 1.4K 28K 712K
ibby + + + @sinnedsystem 22h ... hey so i don't want to alarm anyone but just discovered this guy who plays in the nba and looks disturbingly like charlie day if he was long CATS 196 1.3K 34K del 749K
b @wwxwashere. 22h i was born in the wrong era not me, i i love fanfiction and talking to gay people on my phone 64 19K 99K 1.1M
Jordan @thatgayyybitch : 22h charlie spelling his name wrong Abbott lementary VISITOR SIGN-IN SHEET NAME VISIT PURPOSE 18 CHARLEE KNEED ToO NO BASSIS 1/ 8 FRANK who WANTS To know 118 Dee None of your Biz 1/8 DENNIS DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT 1/8 Mac You'll see 18 273 5.5K 89K
yyy @yx3io 1d ... just accidentally closed a tab i've had been meaning to read for the past 2 years 745 18K 199K 3M
Jason, ex inferis @benedictsred . 16h -Jeffrey Dahmer charles entertainment cheese @jmurffff . 16h i can't stop eating dates omggg 13 652 6.1K 212K
Tommie @tommiedotjpg 1d Being American is funny. We be flexing having 7 business days off after making our way to mid level management when our counterparts abroad are like yall don't have the whole summer off? from their job as a cashier at a drug store. Big Pas @8EightPillars 1d Officially on vacation until the new year... SUPER NICEL GIF ALT 121 4.6K 59K 2.2M
ēdē @theidi_.22h Ive always been good at using they/them pronouns cuz i used to be a liar. 88 6.8K 82K 1.2M

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