42 of the Funniest Tweets from Monday, October 28, 2024

She should check out the Lakers’ roster
42 of the Funniest Tweets from Monday, October 28, 2024

Lizzo continues to make the best out of her “worst fear.” Earlier this year, the Grammy-winning singer was referenced in South Park’s Paramount+ special The End of Obesity, which featured an Ozempic-like medication named after her. When the special aired, Lizzo made a reaction video with nothing but praise for being worthy of Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s time. This past weekend, the singer took things a step further by dressing as the eponymous medicine for Halloween and celebrating the power of loving yourself. 

Meanwhile, Jon Stewart can also celebrate himself. Nearly nine months after his return to the Daily Show desk, he’s extending his residency through the end of 2025. Stewart’s initial plan was to stay through the election cycle, but he’s “truly enjoyed being back working with the incredible team,” which he shared in a statement regarding his contract renewal. Stewart will continue his hosting duties on Monday nights with correspondents Ronny Chieng, Jordan Klepper, Michael Kosta and Desi Lydic filling out the rest of the week. In the same statement, Stewart joked, “I was really hoping they’d allow me to do every other Monday, but I’ll just have to suck it up.”

More importantly, the tweets are back on the timeline, and they’re as funny as ever. Today’s funniest include those about the difficulty of being a chihuahua, a new version of Coke and one person’s too-honest living.

ella @exorcist3fan 1d ... husband pulled out his phone at the pub last night to play balatro and said 'you're never alone when you have balatro' while i i was sitting right there 73 1,872 29.7K 680K
Josh Sawyer @jesawyer.1 1d : When I'm traveling and something goes wrong, I've found that what helps a lot is if I get madder than I've ever been in my life, like cartoon character mad. 35 1,541 33K 702K
Ned Schneeebly @swaggaano...* . 1d ... What da hell kinda game was I spitting last night Today 8:10 AM Txt me if u actually want to come to church I can pick u up! It starts at 10 308 5,925 154K 4.4M
Images AI Could Never Recr... 1d ... Follow what if I followed every account @if_every Follows you trying to follow as many accounts as I can in an attempt to learn about the collective unconscious. Joined August 2019 1,839 Following 83 Followers Not followed by anyone you're following Tweets Tweets & replies Media Likes what if I followed every account 1m lotta racism on here 10 1,590 36.7K 368K
NIETZSCHE @madeinnaij. 1d ... my lyft driver saying this is his first time driving on the 360 2,916 84.9K del 1.7M
Crowsa Luxemburg @quenderg... 1d ...  it can fool a dead man's family AUS Guardian Australia @Guar... 2d Michael Parkinson is back, with an Al voice that can fool even his own family theguardian.com/media/ 2024/oct... 14 1,422 18.5K 394K
Brooks Otterlake @i_zzzzzz 21h ... Stared at this in disbelief for several seconds before parsing it correctly 88 Weary cry | с A N T G OON 23 774 12.2K 314K
venus 1d AUCH lixo.eletronico ... OH WORM ALT AUCH 23 4,128 33.7K 598K
NOT @georgemikan 1d ... i have some news, and you're NOT gonna believe it... Ashley Nicole Moss @Ash... . 1d there'll never be another LeBron James. never. 23 920 38K 1.7M

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the thicc husband & father @l....16h ... looks like Elon lol Mike Conti @MikeConti929-21h I hope that State Trooper is okay. 15 32 37 45 875 43.2K 1.2M
claire rowden @clx1re 18h ... me: timothée chalamet showed up to his own lookalike competion and didn't even win and also one of the timothée's got arrested normal person: nice day outside today 17 1,432 25.9K del 424K
Connor Hesse @DefNotConn... 22h ... My trypophobia... 11h Reply 5 Sphynxay 0000000 8h Reply 4 17 1,691 31.8K del 411K
Ron Rule @ronrule 1d I still can't believe Aldi sells these for 25 cents. I've got 8 of them now and don't really even have a use for them, it was just too good of a deal to pass up. ALUI ALDI ALUI ACOC GEMERI 1,187 7,502 191K 6.6M
Elliot Rockart @kvetchbian 17h ... my gf and I have this game we play where we try to sneakily brush our teeth without the other one finding out. the one who loses is always incandescent with rage. we are in constant suspicion of each other between dinner and sleep. it's the most fun I've ever had. 9 160 7,701 152K
KYNDOLL @kynthekyd - 18h when i told my psychiatrist i need to be reevaluated bc i dont think im bipolar anymore and he said thats what a bipolar person would say 74 909 12K 176K
Jason Goes to Hell @benedict... 20h ... Last night, I dreamed I met god and he gave me six more pasta shapes. 21 437 5,654 del 112K
hannah @EXPERIMENTO... 22h ... if i saw 3 messages id think id posted something i shouldn't have M @melonlovesmax· 2d do small accounts really get excited when they see this 4 3 528 29.8K 271K 4.7M
out of context dogs @contex... . 1d ... Sharing bed with dog be like 66 2,889 22K 954K
cameron @orbitmiIk - 1d sam reid look-alike contest at my house next friday 6 393 3.1K 47K
Janel Comeau @VeryBadLlama. 1d imagine you wake up every day in room-sized bed. you are gently lifted from the covers and dressed in warmest sweaters each morning. your favourite foods are brought to you. you have no bills, no job, no responsibilities. but you are a chihuahua, so you are blind with rage. 473 13K 169K 2.9M
Angelita @pyschodior.22h ... Sometimes u gotta say what would Carrie Bradshaw do and then do the opposite x 0:06 From acervo sex and the city 197 9.5K 58K 1.3M
jesse spector @jessespector - 19h NILES THIS IS THE WORST IDEA YOU'VE EVER HAD S 4 H MEM IAL BACKET F S MIAMI 3X PION 3 BA 75TH SARY TEA 10 136 1.6K 86K
grass @keepoffgrasss 1d i wish there was a word for things you stick on the refrigerator Fairyclub @isFairyclub.2 2d I can't believe it! So many interesting refrigerator stickers. 180 201 700W KOROKORO V-GY TCA-7 0:40 155 4.4K 147K da 3.2M
lacey cencula @dddrop_the_lace 1d ... she was on my flight home. the southwest attendants announced it and the whole plane clapped like she was a war hero LaurenTS (NOLA N1) @Laurens13tv.2d THIS TAYLORTOT #NOLATSTheErasTour 0:06 1.5K 1.7M 81 61K
:re @pikkkkaro 1d ... coke with zero benefit, zero upside. just drinking sludge for the love of the game Coca-Cola ZERO SUGAR 10 375 mLe ZERO CAFFEINE can pack ail SUGAR 358 4.8K 98K del 2.3M
3: @prrfectkittygrl - 1d Dating apps aren't working so I'm going to nyc to look confused at the Timothée Chalamet lookalike contest FILM UPDATES Film Updates @FilmUpdates 1d A Timothee Chalamet look-alike contest will be taking place in NYC today. The cash prize is $50. 1 675 23K 426K
matt @realmattgannon 15h hi your eminence... can i call you eminence? my name is cardinal fierce... you're not in trouble boots, we're just trying to get the tea on this рарасу... 2 238 3K 80K
cage @bedpup 23h girl what the fuck do you think The Dalbo Dog @Dalbodog 1d If this was your dog - what would you name it ? 26539 30 19K 344K 5.5M
Joon @CATBOYBOSS. 1d ... Ready TOP BOTTOMVERSE IRISH 13K 194K 5.6M 456
daria @pregnantdiaz 1d ... can i have your optometrist's number CLOSED CLOSED TAYLOR FUCK YOYKFJJERJD 1d EVERYONE WAKE UP I JUST FOUND OUT BUCKS CANON BIRTHDAY (and it's the fandom's headcanon all along IM SOBBING) Buckley, Ever SF MPN DOB 1507 on 8 41 1.7K 34K
dille (rivals mode) @nescartridges. 1d ... how it feels to be kind to people m @mar3uss 3d maybe im just too sensitive or it's the frontal lobe developing but everyone is so mean now like it's actually insane 183K 3.9M 114 19K
GHO STokowski @JoeStokowski - 22h ... please only 1 sauce packet per kid ITA W Tangy to as SMUCKERS BBQ DIABLO sauce - - CONTAIN i i 8 LIVE телл, Blackened NET WT HO Ranchy BUE I GER L FRESS I محافظة STEP LEP 4 | TITU Grassland | 1 NET WT. 2 & E (54g) KEEP Sauce I 1 2 WE Mape I 3 by X B 2 WHATABURGER in I I di 0.2FL OZ (6mL) s I i CREAMY PEPPER SONIC I RANCH Sauce JALAPENO I O WHATABURGER F. OF I RESTAURANT GROUP I II e 8 MACKED FOR REDIENTS ET SOYBEANS WATER ZALT
Brock @brockomole - 1d ... Diva down I repeat DIVA DOWN / sheets 52 3.4K 78K 1.1M
@choirgirlshotel 1d DAMN WHO ARE HER OPPS POP CRAVE Pop Crave @PopCrave 1d Tinashe looks gorgeous with her 'Quantum Baby' vinyl. TINASHE QUANTUM Baby 00 22 :05 Music FE Good ACC2024 ASIDE 114 3.1K 89K 3M
The Tech Man @TechManGT.1d 20 This post has me intrigued...now I want to know what it Invesco normally looks like and who are the worst offenders lol VT Grounds Crew @VT_groundscrew 1d Thanks Georgia Tech for leaving a clean locker room 116 2.4K 94K 10M
Drew Anderson @imdrewanderson· 17h so insane that Carrie has full conversations during yoga classes in SATC...like girl you can't do that. 12 414 9.8K 322K
Brendan Karet @bad_takes 1d ... KATAHDIN oh? my ugly car looks like a piece of shit? - - and well it actually looks better than a pile of garbage i put next to it Kevin Chau @kchau 2d If you think the @cybertruck looks like a dumpster, you might need to get your eyes checked or maybe check yourself into a mental institution. Sales Center 3505/5 NO PARKING LANE 25 287 9,921 del 214K
kel @_vonperignon - 1 1d we woulda been on abc news Cj @cjs1sahion 1d love being in an open relationship Jhené Aiko Music Today 2:20 P Heyy I miss youuu Heyyyy miss you tooo I just had some fire booty Delivered ... 205 5,950 97.7K 3.6M
@ProZD.11h SungWon Cho how the tables have turned an Vinal Callostable D office CDM blok ViNyl Collectible Dolls PRODUCED/AND MANIFACTURED MZA-4- ANDY 25000 14(27500) MANDARAKE L092645 GMANDARAKE Disney's TOY STORY WARNING: ANDY CHOKING - HAZARD Ages 13 & up © Disney atch me and count your coins 1.1M 62.7K 5,004 130
hyeyun @hyeyunie 16h ... if i spend $45 or less for the remainder of this year i should be good 466 3,234 50.2K
Andrew @Dub_A.17h Church Pugh's Church Pugh's $125 ~ Send seller a message Hi, is this available? Send 23 475 14.7K 293K
evil warrior @vorpalworld. 1d ... A unique sweet and tangy tomato sauce of my own invention rova @rovabtw3d *KETCHUP DOES NOT EXIST* what you having with these??? 95 2,459 81.2K 1.5M

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