45 of the Funniest Tweets from the Week of July 29, 2024

Wow, she can make friends anywhere
45 of the Funniest Tweets from the Week of July 29, 2024

With the dawn of August, the end of summer might be in sight, but the news is still heating up. Lisa Kudrow shared that the Dr. Frasier Crane Show almost had a different producer, as she was hired (and fired) to play Roz Doyle. A pair of comedians declined to host next year’s Oscars, while another announced a new hosting gig of his own: SNL’s Colin Jost will be quizzing contestants’ pop-culture knowledge in Jeopardy! spin-off exclusively for Prime Video. And Glen Powell is riding his newfound fame to one of the most famous neighborhoods in the world: Quahog

Meanwhile, the creative minds behind The Boys arrived at San Diego Comic-Con with plenty of news about their super-verse. For starters, Amazon MGM is hopeful the second season of their first spin-off Gen V will hit the streamer sometime next year, but they’ve got something to tide fans over until then, too: a new prequel spin-off. Vought Rising will see Jensen Ackles and Aya Cash reprise their roles as Soldier Boy and Stormfront in a “twisted murder mystery about the origins of Vought in the 1950s.” And with the main series coming to a close in 2026, one of its new stars has rather odd hopes for her character. Valorie Curry, who played a new supe this past season, told The Hollywood Reporter that her character is “awful” and “horrible” and that she “hopes she dies.” Safe to say there will be no spin-off with Firecracker anytime soon.

The new month also brought some new tweets to laugh at. This week’s funniest included those about the Oscar host we need, an embodiment of Myrtle Beach and a message for Osama bin Laden.

@cryst6l 17h something abt being late to work 10 minutes everyday does it for me idk 5 666 3,017 del 79.6K
STEVE! @NotDrDeath.1 12h Myrtle Beach @max21e8 @max21e8. 1d what is this style called? - Su ATT HACK DAVIMET 1 NO DAVIENT - 6 The were can العربي - ON DUG - osuri BAID Ger DUD MAKE Jour uGir sea LUDI LIGHT BUD LIGIT 153 2,286 30.2K 1.3M
Brittnay Johnston @britthorsen... 1d ... Me getting yet another notice that all of my personal information has been compromised in a data breach D V L F 113 17.2K 211K 3.2M
DON'T CRASH paddle @ipaddlearound. 1 18h KEEP DRY DON'T CRASH KEEP DRY basketball player whose signature DON'T CRASH move is smirking at the ball and going heh, this old thing... before shooting 30 685 17.7K 375K

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sophie @netcapgirl. 2h ... as per my last email PARIS 2024 PARIS S 2 118 6,743 69.9K del 2.6M
Patrick Cosmos @veryimport... 23h ... every time the month has a 31st that 31st should be a halloween. may halloween and july halloween would be unstoppable holidays 91 3,533 37K 677K
R mor @moristiko. 17h ... this picture is so badass 18 365 4,707 151K
chuck @crowcialist. 1d ... Something deeply sinister about in-flight WiFi. Violates the separation of powers between Land and Sky. Don't like it 28 2,289 44.2K del 718K
jacques @flamencolambada-7h ... surely got to be a better way to end each section of this Mental Health training course Wow! Well done 11 You passad this quiz with il score You completed Self Harm! CONTINUE You completed Depression! CONTINUE You completed Anxiety! CONTINUE 126 4,969 71.7K 1.4M
Bernard T. Joy @bernardtjoy 3h ... A Faulkner A Hemingway sentence sentence PARIS 2024 PARIS 2024 PA S2024 PARIS 202 2024 PARIS 202 ON TURKIY 1 20.4 7 132 2,409 16.2K 612K
@Westhoefen 16h westy!! ... is there a brand or anything or just like the concept of parmesan Women Posting W's @... 23h Olympic silver medalist and Italian gymnast Giorgia Villa is sponsored by parmesan cheese and takes many of her photos while posing with large wheels of cheese 189 1,337 39.7K 896K
David O'Doherty @phlaimeaux.21h ... Similar to how tennis has different surfaces, swimming should have different liquids i. e. 50m chowder, 100m Greek yoghurt, relay spf 50 sun block 138 2,479 41.1K del 1.1M
fay @faylikesmilk.1 1d ... BUD IGH سولات НА !! НА ? baby I swear I don't know how those girls appeared in my search history, I don't want to sound stupid but you know there has been things going on in my house with spirits and stuff and since my phone is not locking its screen is probably a reason, it might be the spirits or something and again; I'm not trying to be funny, stop Reply 57 1,153 18.6K 569K
L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. board me... 1d ... i think about this almost every day juno @doomgen_ The science behind THC + alcohol as a combination is literally soo interesting because it basically causes the crimson red duckling in your body to confront the serpent in the bronze vessel of your heart. Basically you feel good because the duckling is able to eat the seeds. 16:46 10/15/23 20.5K Views 1,076 Likes 24 1,995 25.7K 430K
don @ddpain_. 17h Oh nooo the meat hasn't defrosted I guess I have to doordash oh noooooo A 24 2,540 35.5K 559K
rayne fisher-quann @raynefq 2h ... quietly crying on the bus and group of 7DD teenage girls next to me have been having a conversation for 40 minutes that's just naming foods and then all deciding whether or not that food is good. One just said BLT.. bacon lettuce tomato and her friend replied yum, girl 14 728 19.1K del 295K
@witnessborne 1d It's so awesome to grow up and realize that nobody is cool 75 6,847 59.6K del 1.1M
Billy @_billyreid. 1d Olympic athlete: *Makes one tiny mistake* Me: Pathetic 129 14K 162K 5M
Morgan Knight @_MorganKnig... 19h ... what should we call the thai restaurant we are opening in bedstuy wait say that again - Beds Thai 347-985-1199 THAI CUISINE OPEN 8 340 7,956 . 235K
J @yikingtons 18h There's a mirror in my parents's house that could give body dysmorphia to a dog 7 893 30.1K 483K
nash flynn @itsnashflynn 1d ... laugh - my child started sitting in a corner a few weeks ago to talk to jennifer. i thought she had an imaginary friend. then she told us the girl was called jennifer chip which seemed like a weird surname until i discovered she was talking to a dorito that was under the radiator 29 1,951 65.2K 800K
Drew Davenport @The_Davenp... 3h ... My daughter has been experimenting NEW with her own versions of easy, peezy, lemon squeezy and today she said easy, crazy, mountain skeleton and that's gonna be tough to beat 3 74 818 11.4K
Ryan @ryan00004444.23h ... One night my brother and I did shrooms and he looked my parents dead in the eyes and asked for $50k 80 1,372 41.1K 994K
aria @rnostardently· 1d interview with the vampire but the interviewer is philomena cunk 41 5,475 32K del 710K
cheyene norah @onlyyagirl_ .20h ... This is literally young adulthood Look I stole 100 Chobani Yogurts! O am so proud of you! 8 283 11.1K to 219K
Dan Sheehan @ItsDanSheehan 1d ... It's crazy that you don't really argue with a baby for the first year of its life and then you have to argue with the baby every day 15 418 12.9K 276K

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left at london @LeftAtLondon .d ... Holy crap, Lois! It's Mrs. Howard! ALT @PopBase. 1 1d Pop Base Season 4 of 'Abbott Elementary' will feature a cross-over episode with another show. 63 8,833 101K 3M
Moira Donegan @MoiraDonegan1 1d ... Would burn down cities for this woman Inattentive, Plump Female-Procrastina- tor. Compulsive reader. Good cook. NYM Box 2202. 26 425 4,896 161K
Kevin Farzad @KevinFarzad 1d ... Sometimes I'm not in the best mood, but does that stop me from giving it my all at work? Yes. But do I always bounce back the next day? No, sometimes it takes a week or so 68 771 28.6K
Joyce's Son @romkawuma.1d ... Told this Polish guy at work I'm from Uganda and he told me he has a friend from Gambia. So I also told him I have a friend from Romania now we're both staring in silence. 453 11.9K 138K 3M
نا الا shinji @shinji_zone 13h ... asked my japanese friend what he did while he was in america, and he: - crumpled up US dollar bills and stuffed them in his pocket like in the movies - bought an apple, rubbed it on his pants and ate it on the street - walked up to a cop and tried to talk to him 145 8,200 201K 2.3M
grace @GemOfAmara 16h thinking about this line on jennifer lawrence's wikipedia page Schumer, Lawrence held a sign that read Women can't be free if they don't control their bodies.  Despite growing up in a strictly conservative and Republican family, even voting for John McCain in 2008, Lawrence became a Democrat after hearing a joke on 30 Rock.  37 856 30.6K 758K
gal kilmer @beepupkin 13h ... just throw him out there with no prep and see what happens LIVE abc FILM POATES Film Updates @FilmUp....1 14h The Oscars are now looking for a new host. OSCARS Who would you like to... 21 941 15.4K 384K
Jeff Ewing @ReelJeffEwing. dd eric van allen @seamoosi 1d apparently horses don't get medals in the olympics and i think that's kinda fucked up 159 57.2K 496K 9.8M
megan @chismosavirus 11h ... gathered so much work experience that . no longer have room for the lies on my resume 10 1,159 19.6K 262K
xiu_shoegaze @xiu_shoegaze 22h ... God i need to listen to Aphex Twin with her IL 18 802 6,492 170K
@plathiandc. 1 16h scotty oh my god she's the vp candidate Pop Base @PopBase. 17h Megan Thee Stallion will appear at Kamala Harris' rally in Atlanta on July 30th for a special performance, Billboard reports. 74 5,091 104K 2M
b ar vessel @hybridrecirc•1 17h ... :3 SPEED LIMIT :3 177 7,557 79.6K 943K
Subsistence Content Farmer 1d ... And who is your primary care doctor three different urgent cares in a trench coat, babe 15 5,357 64.6K del 1.1M
redacted @aquariusdays- 3d dudes trying not to let the conversation die: 1m ago what groceries u been into recently 27 429 5,332 189K
illegally blond @kcdanger 3d ... i wish there was a way to tell bin laden that this is what they built on the ruins of the twin towers Know Your Know Your Meme Meme @kno... .4d On this day one year ago, @kylegordon101 posted a TikTok that had a text overlay reading, Every European Dance Song in the 1990s. CG All of the dream 6 223 5,093 193K
Stacey J. Spiehler @StaceyJSpi... 2d ... Olympics announcer before Simone Biles' floor exercise: this is the kinda thing you'll talk to your kids about. My dad, after Simone Biles' floor exercise: I guess I gotta talk to you about that floor exercise. Holding that in for 2 minutes won him the dad joke gold. 137 5,349 147K 1.7M
bint @bintcrubbs.2d What I want is unobtainable 36 3,742 22.5K 517K
Eve Ainsworth @EveAinswor... 2d ... The day I thought I'd lost my son in Marks and Spencer's and then found him minutes later pretending to be a shop dummy SUMME M ma BOYS BOYS5-14 115 314 10.4K 203K
MACKBOY @rayyguttaa 2d it's so embarrassing when you pick a baby up and they start crying 260 5,560 74K del 1.1M

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