49 of the Funniest Tweets from the Week of June 17, 2024

Big Aristotle wasn’t getting buckets
49 of the Funniest Tweets from the Week of June 17, 2024

It’s been a huge week for balls. The Boston Celtics, everyone’s favorite NBA team to hate, extended a league record by claiming their 18th league championship with a 4-1 Finals win over the Dallas Mavericks. At the same time, the lowly New York Mets went on a seven-game winning streak that many fans attributed to a rather unconventional source: Grimace. That’s right, the purple fast-food mascot threw out the first pitch at the Mets-Marlins game on June 12th and ushered in “The Grimace Era.” The team has lost since, but not without a little bounce in their steps. 

You can’t find this week’s biggest balls at the Boston Garden or Citi Field, though. You can’t even find them in this dimension. That’s because Josh Gad confirmed that he’s developing a sequel to Spaceballs, which he’s producing alongside Mel Brooks himself. Gad called the project “a dream come true” and promised fans that they’ll get everything they’ve waited 37 years for. Word to the wise, Gad: That “everything” should include Rick Moranis

Meanwhile, everyone on the timeline had a ball this week, too, and we’ve got the tweets to prove it. The funniest ones included those about a forgetful pet parent, a Methodist message and the cancellation of white boy summer.

Neil Renic @NC_Renic 19h ... Defeating imposter syndrome by actually being incompetent 40 4,082 16.3K 522K
Grip Bayless @talleyberry... 1d ... My grandma just told me her first apartment was $130 a month and now I wanna beat somebody up 74 1,988 16.4K 340K
todd bonzalez @doinkpatrol.1 1d had a beautiful moment of community today when everyone gathered to point and laugh at a cybertruck parallel parking in bushwick 17 1,357 42.7K 843K
Hanch Tarchup Jr. @misharipov 20h ... Hate to bring this up in the middle of a heist but when I said I was a safe cracker I meant I'm a chill white guy 106 10K 104K 4.1M
Chanandler Bong @Grim_The_S... 1d ... This how i found out how much abortions cost without insurance @megsx... 6/4/24 megs II) position of the day: deck chair Position 328. Deck chair Be careful SexPositions.Club 320 6,461 128K 12.9M
Nate @thenatewolf.1d One time someone broke up with me 26 hours after getting their first pair of glasses. 76 1,246 40.8K del 1M
Matt D. Smith @mds 1d my youngest son has ceo energy 117 Found in MDS Inbox Nixon Smith To: Matt D Smith > Billing Sent from my iPod Please look up how to update the family billing information please and then update it 51 301 14.4K 628K
Rothmus @Rothmus.23h ... Simon Holland ... @simoncholland Cranked a rival dad's push mower on the first pull right in front of his wife and kids. 541 1,894 46.7K 2.5M
lamevampire iwtv spoilers 1d ... being a vampire must be kinda boring cause blood everyday? forever? what if you want something crunchy 1,008 10.6K 112K 2.5M
bЯyan @m... 13h ... I found a guy today on Reddit that goes into the loss prevention subreddit and brags about how he is always stealing cheesecakes from Costco. He's the cheesecake joker. Не even tells them how he's doing it 261 5,637 126K 9.3M
oltolin @SAVoltolin 1d Stephanie ... Joe Biden RP Richard Angwin @Richa... 2d What would you throw to him ? 141 3,655 47.7K 748K
Big Butch Bostonian Muscle... 20h ... Losing it at my desk bc I was once again reminded of the Fall River PD logo FALL RIVER WE'LL TRY POLICE 34 421 5,430 196K
Klobb @KLOBB.22h ... Not a fan of how this guy is greasing up his shit Lube Job Silicone Lubricant Lubricates & Protects NGER: Safe on Plastics EMELY OR HARMFUL. ENTS BACK TWT UNDER LABEL 11 PRESSURE. CAREFULLY. FLAMMABLE. NO CFC - 30 22.4K 1,607 769K
reverend anisha @anishakoka 1d ... when my ex had an issue with the relationship instead of talking to me he would post about it on his finsta that had only one follower (me) 46 136 4,073 228K
Nicholas Mullan @NicholasM...23h ... Sat in the waiting room at the vet and a lady just came walking in and goes oh fuck, I've left the dog at home 283 3,128 55.3K 2M
Nicholas Mullan @NicholasM...23h ... Sat in the waiting room at the vet and a lady just came walking in and goes oh fuck, I've left the dog at home 283 3,128 55.3K 2M
T-Jenny from the Block @tcare... 1d ... My brother is so insightful 12:31 5GUC < Faris > Palm Springs, CA Have you ever been to Palm Springs Nope Lots of gays 16 143 8,318 300K
Keara Sullivan @superkeara 16h I assumed that checking the Keep me signed in on this device box on the login page would result in ur website actually keeping me signed in on this device but I guess I'm the fucking idiot here huh I guess I'm just a fool 1 163 3,040 35.9K
i'm so julia @777bun_ny.1 1d ... im scared to apply for jobs because what if they call me 120 7,659 58K 1.2M
Katie Tiedrich @katietiedrich . 1d ... massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost and that shut the conversation down pretty quick 163 2,953 57.4K 2.4M
Mrs. Detective Pikajew, Esq. 11h ALT Political science В.А. @Int... .11h The bribes I took did not influence me to become evil. I was evil from the beginning and the bribes were merely a bonus 21 6,295 61.6K 1.3M
Minerva (Tired) @partydemon...* 22h ... TEAR THE BITCH APART ! MORE PERFECT UNION More Perfect Union @... ...23h BREAKING: The U.S. government is suing Adobe. It's accusing the company of harmi... 108 11.7K 82.6K 2.6M
Tommy Bayer @tommybayerti... 15h ... I wonder how long you could drive in a roundabout before a cop would be like hey you can't do that anymore 410 10.5K 212K del 5M
NICKSY @_Nicksy 16h And then telling them forget it as if it's their fault I look like that tess @finalgrlcomplex-2 23h Me after begging my friends to take a picture of me all night В B B C B B C live 5 R RADIO RADIO 5 live B B C B В 5 RADIO RA ive live 5 В B B C R RADIO 5 5 live B B C 5 RADIO liv 5 41 2,712 22.8K 1.1M
andy van slyke @im_all_id 19h ... My fortune cookie had an ad for napster in it. This is hands down the worst time to be alive MONTHS OF FREE M You've unlocked: 3 MONTHS OF FREE MUSIC. Napster. 168 2,032 49.5K 811K
dj @daisjnk.23h By the time I have a kid strollers gonn need gas 156 4,947 26.1K 936K
taūra @sp00kybinch. 14h in the italy. straight up leaning it. and by it, hahah, well. let's justr say. my pisa James Lucas @JamesLucasIT. dd 14. View from the top of the Leaning Tower of Pisa, Italy. The tower began leaning during 12th-century construction due to soft ground. By 1990, the tilt was 5.5 degrees. Stabilization from 1993 to 2001 reduced it to 3.97 degrees. 129 15K 150K 4.8M
kyle anthony @kyleplanckton - 1 1d ... Not American, not gay, but a secret third thing ...... (Chicagoan) OS STAR JCKS COLD FACTO 8.6K 12 521 383K
patheticgirl43 @gaycolinfarrell. 1d what drugs was i on that day? patheticgirl43 @gaycolinfarrell - 4/22/24 why does my bagel lowkey look like mike? / 1.5K 88K del 2.7M
@RICKYRAGE. 1d my coworker said it's so muggy outside and this is the image that popped into my head IPA 22 3K 45K 1M
Wong Updates @WongUpdates . 1d ... Inside Outs, I need you to distract Kang 20 2.2K 44K 844K
oat milk princess @heartluvr2000.23h ... not in the right headspace to see a tweet like this today .ultra glitch. @highsieze6 . 1d this my frend 'Chip' and everbody call him ugly and dont eat him 22 2.8K 53K 1.5M
Cooch & Chaos @CocoaDoe.3 3d Met this legend at breakfast this morning! MY OTHER RIDE IS HIS BEARD ilno 1234 SAVE AH N - Businessel Froz a dru MATO ! 1 All You Can Eat - Star 66 1,543 8,738 406K
Nick Newman @Nick_Newman 22h ... Fellini casting Donald Sutherland in Casanova because he had the eyes of a masturbator is never far from my mind. 2 299 2,154 87K
Janae @nae_money 2d Not 3/5 of your time _Almostrichauntie @DiSTi.... 3d My job gave us TWO hours off for Juneteenth....I... lol 131 8,665 81.3K 3.2M
Baseball's Greatest Moments 3d ... This was an all-time comeback by the captain Derek Jeter @derekjeter This you, Nick? R Nick Adams @NickAdamsin... 3/16/22 Derek Jeter is the most overrated baseball player in MLB history. 37 2,532 47.8K 1.2M
yo tate b! @t8tumbell.22h bring me a WHAT Going to phoenix rn for work when I get back wanna grab a drink or some safe travels!! I'm not much of a drinker but I'm sure they can whip me up a solid shirley temple! haha Sent Haha | can bring a dmt pen for you Or Shirley temple yeah 163 1,119 40.9K 3.7M
big content guy @bigcontent... 3d ... Var De Aujura white boi summer has been postponed until further notice The 44 The 44 @The_Forty_F... 3d Landon Donovan let it go buddy... FOX EURO2024 LIVE FOX SPORTS Fan FOX uon FOX SPORTS EURO 2024-GROUP HEAD-TO-HEAD 22 378 11.9K 1.3M
ave runner @megalodummy-3d ... WHO GOT a pool CALL ME I too hot 15 4,236 32.7K 774K
... @abby_bagel.3 3d Abby babe, what's wrong? you've barely touched your Faze Clan orange chicken pizza rolls - - - - 1.99 - I DE - - 14.99 14.49 TOASTER GRILL ourole GRILLED - - adidas AMERICAN adidas - - one Totino's ROLLS PIZZA ROLLS NEW SIGNATION H ENLARGED FAZE CLAN ORANGE DIS CHICKEN 15 NET WT. 24 48 (8.48 OZ) 6830 PIZZA SNACKS WHITE CHICKEN-MEAT AND ORANGE ACC PIZZAIN GO 5.8M 81.7K 3,120 409
David W. Peters @dvdpeters 3d Pontius Pilate on Easter morning: Charles, OFM Cap. @FrCh... 3d Just had a funeral cancel. That's a new one for me. 8 809 9,897 384K
my wheelhouse @mywheelhou... 2d ... Lucama GLOBAL METHODIST CHURCH THOSE WHO EAT THE DEVIL'S CORN WILL CHOKE ON HIS COB! 28 1,151 13K 579K
Dylan @Saddest_Faction-2d ... Wearing merch from a cancelled band at home alone but looking down and shaking my head occasionally so that god knows I don't approve 58 2,938 39.6K 868K
Gay Women's Cigarette Jousti... 2d ... Once again thinking about the time Phil Jackson made Shaq read Aristotle so he could internalize the idea that success is a habit and improve his free throw but Shaq just started calling himself Big Aristotle and had the worst free throw season of his career 94 8,249 102K 3.1M
Carey O'Donnell @ecareyo 2d I like to imagine Justin Timberlake's one phone call was to Jimmy Fallon 64 1,215 26.6K del 1M
Francisco Garcia @Ffranciscodgf.2d ... Strolled past a young couple having a minor row in Soho. Girl turns to the bloke in exasperation. 'I'm so sick of you talking about Young Sheldon'. A chilling glimpse into the abyss... 57 1,435 30.8K del 1.2M
alex @bigsuitfilms 2d Card got declined on the bus I feel like Josh O'Connor in Challengers alex @breadsongg•2 2d Taking the train I feel like Josh O'Connor in La Chimera 3 743 18K 622K
Patrick Monahan @pattymo. 2d ... We're removing the reply feature, which will somehow increase engagement Spelling Mistakes Cost Liv... 3d Elon Musk X @elonmusk-Apr 16 Whoa, just realized that raising a kid is basically 18 years of prompt engineering 15K 284K del 75M 25K TrashRash @QuesoandHuevos Because someone else is doing it for you and you're just taking credit? 3:31 PM Apr 18, 2024 32 10.4K 113K 2.3M


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